[cancer] Things I have learned from having cancer

  • Sleeping on my back really sucks
  • Sleeping on my back is the only option when I have an epidural, a catheter, a neckline and a wrist IV
  • When I have all those lines coming out of me, I am like a hydraulic Pinocchio
  • Having a colonic resectioning does not in fact make my turds shorter
  • Cold restarts of the digestive system are even less fun than you think
  • With oyxcodone, I can fly without a plane, with Dilaudid I am merely a portable moron