[cancer] Dreams of darker days

Had my first cancer dream in a long time last night. Normally I’m a lucid dreamer, or at least pretty self-aware, but this was one of those dreams that felt real while I was inside it. I’d gone in for some tests (as I am in fact doing on May 14th and 15th), and they’d found a new cancer. My throat, I think, though that part of the dream is fuzzy now, in retrospect.

In my dream, I got out of the doctor’s office and called . I was just in tears. I found myself on the phone with her, trying to convince her that this was not a bad dream, that it was really happening. Which was, of course, my lizardbrain trying to tell me this was a dream, but that’s not how I experienced it in the moment.

By the time I woke up, I’d sorted out the fact that this wasn’t really happening to me, but it certainly speaks to my anxiety and trepidation at the upcoming screening. Which will be at in person, thank Ghu.

2 thoughts on “[cancer] Dreams of darker days

  1. Sometimes I think our wonderful imaginative brains are as much a curse as they are a blessing–in a yin-yang sort of way, so that they keep our worlds rolling over, but still.

    Yes, good that calendula_witch will be there with you. Very good indeed.

  2. tetar says:

    You are surrounded by people who love you and you’ll be fine, man. I go through this kind of shit every 6 months or so. Can’t say it gets any easier but you do sort of learn to face the fears down.

    Be thee well, sir, and dream ye sweet.

Comments are closed.