Jay Lake: Writer

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[cancer] Sometimes you’re the windshield, sometimes you’re the car bomb

Not a particularly successful day of followups. Colonoscopy found one medium-sized polyp, in an environment where ideally there should be no polyps, and there certainly shouldn’t be polyps of any significant size. Either a small polyp was missed last year, or my colon is growing them aggressively. This implies long term or lifetime followup on a very rigorous schedule, beyond what was anticipated post-operatively, and bodes poorly for my risk factors.

Additionally, a read of last week’s CAT scan from my ER admit shows spots on the liver and in several lymph nodes. While these could be imaging artefacts, or have some other significance, liver and lymph are the two metastasis pathways for colon cancer. My screening appointment tomorrow has been converted to a PET scan in an attempt to highlight potential tumor activity in those areas. Will know more from the PET scan over the weekend or early next week.

As my doctor says, this is an ambiguous result, not a negative one. Nonetheless, the Fear is making a roaring comeback in my mind. I’m growing monsters in my gut again.

is being magnificent. So are and Mother of the Child. I just don’t want to go further down this road. I’m scared and angry, and tired of being afraid.

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