[cancer] The waiting game

Had a session with my therapist yesterday. I’ll be seeing quite a bit of him for a while. Also had the Cancer Talk, Year Two with . Which was far less traumatic than I’d expected, though she does have a tendency to run silent and deep on the Big Stuff, then come back later with some astonishingly lateral insights and questions. At my therapist’s recommendation, I think I’ll be reaching out to Mother of the Child’s zen master for some instruction on meditation. (Yes, MotC really does have a zen master, Soto Zen sect for those of you who care about such things. I’m friends with the Reverend as well.)

Had an outbreak of the Fear yesterday morning driving back from the gym. That was a little rough. Near-hysterics do not mix well with traveling 40 mph on a narrow road with no place to pull off. But the top was down and REM’s “Drive” was on the CD player, so, well, there I was. I’m also having no trouble already seeing the gifts even this year’s cancer is giving me, but that sliver of wisdom is being offset by my general anger at the whole thing.

Callbacks are now late from both my cancer doctor’s scheduler and the cancer case management people at my health insurance carrier. I’ll launch followup calls today. continues to be a bedrock of loving support. K—, and all my friends and family likewise. If love could cure cancer, I’d be the healthiest son of a bitch in North America.

More when it happens.

2 thoughts on “[cancer] The waiting game

  1. Catherine Shaffer says:

    Hey, Jay, that’s great about the zen meditation. I wanted to recommend some kind of meditation/spiritual practice to you, but every time I tried to put it into text, I sounded like an asshole, so I didn’t. So glad your therapist thought of it. I’ve gotten quite a bit out of yoga, as well. According to the guru that promotes it, hatha yoga was invented to calm the twitches and other discomforts that distract from meditation practice–it sort of flogs the body into submission. I find it makes me really calm. Maybe too calm. Heheh.

    1. Jay says:

      Calm is good. Too calm, I dunno…

      But yes, we’ll see.

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