[cancer] Like a coral reef

It builds like a coral reef in my head. Fear, alienation, love, kindness, brute chance, sweet coincidence. Everything is a question now. How many more books will I write? Three? Thirty? How many more years? What do I do differently? What if it’s all a false alarm?

Still sleeping through the night, so it can’t be that bad yet down in my plumbing. But I can see the castles a-building at the borders of my inner night.

3 thoughts on “[cancer] Like a coral reef

  1. gliovampire says:

    My best thoughts with you; I hope everything will be OK soon.
    For what it’s worth: my father has a lung cancer. When we heard this, we were completely desperate and waiting for the worse.
    He had a chemotherapy and RX therapy for a few months without too many side effects.
    For more than three years now, he is doing perfectly well; he is even working normally even though his job is very demanding (he is a journalist).
    medicine has done lots of progress in the field; they can now cure things that were difficult to face a few years back and they have excellent results in most kinds of cancer.
    I do not only know this because of my father, but also because I am a MD.
    I hope to have given you some courage. Just try to fight it; I am sure that everything will be fine.
    My very best wishes and my best thoughts, in all sincerity.

  2. Kai Jones says:

    It’s this threat to identity that I think is most pernicious. Here the diagnosis and one of the possible outcomes is at least intermittently taking over your personality, becoming the focus of your life instead of the things you would otherwise choose to make important. Awareness of the cancer, and all the suite of responses you have to it, emotional, intellectual, and physical, have become overwhelming, paramount, like a tsunami that washes through your life.

  3. tetar says:

    Learning to live your life your way regardless is the trick. Fuck cancer and the bad vibes it rode in on, y’know? Make no accommodation and find ways to give no ground.

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