[publishing] A&A poll
Abyss & Apex is doing a reader poll, with prizes! (Or least with prize.) Go check it out.
Posted: 5:00 am Fri July 31 2009 | Comments(0) |
[cancer] How do I get through the bad bits?
Overnight I was asked in comments by
What got you through the bad bits? I’m dealing with my own, less-serious, health issue now, and I’m just not able to shake the anger, frustration, and depression of dealing with being forever damaged. What works for you?
That’s a tough question, my friend. I can (and will) answer it, but I’m afraid my answers may sound quite facile. But it’s what I’ve got. In no particular order:
I have a very supportive emotional environment. My family almost all live here in Portland, and we don’t have any notable dysfunctions, so I have lots of love and support, both emotionally and logistically, from my dad and stepmom, from my mom, from my sister, from Mother of the Child, from
Likewise my many friends, both immediate and personal and more distant in time and space through the Internet. The support of my IRL and online communities has been enormously important to me. Social capital is an intensely underrated resource, I think.
I have a lot to live for, in the most classic sense of that phrase.
I have a good long-term connection with my therapist. I don’t see him routinely these years, but I went back to him in the month before the cancer checks in May to discuss my anxieties and fears. As it happens, thing got a lot worse than even my most dread fears, so it was good I was in train with him. Just had my last session (for now) yesterday. We’ll reconvene in October when the next set of medical tests comes over the horizon.
I have solid health insurance and a stable, supportive work environment. My managers and co-workers back me strongly, our corporate HR policies are fairly generous and supportive, and my employer continues so far to be profitable and growing even in this economy, which helps my sense of job security. Together, these nearly eliminate the usual bullshit around major health scares that we Americans tend to go through, at least insofar as my experiences to date have indicated. The stress from that alone, if it were an issue, might have been enough to wreck me.
But most of all, perhaps, I simply let the feelings you describe happen as they need to — anger, frustration and depression; along with grief, rage and fear. The only emotional response of mine that I’ve categorically rejected has been the sundry variations on “It’s not fair” / “Why did this happen to me?” I don’t think I’m served by whining, and neither is anyone around me served by any whining I might do. Anger motivates. Fear is a deep response. Grief is a method of processing. Depression and frustration are reflections or distortions of all of those.
By “let them happen” I mean acknowledge them, experience them, talk them out with friends and family, and (as you know) blog about them. For me, this is very important. Secrecy, silence — those are my enemies. Some of this is a quirk of my personality. I’m essentially an exhibitionist. A part of me is always jumping up on the stage and screaming “Hey, look at me.”
Does that work for everyone? I can’t imagine it could, would, or should. But opening up keeps the emotional wounds from festering. Being as frank as I can about that opening process, just as I’ve been frank about the medical process, can sometimes help other people understand. And that’s a kind of subtle bonus which reinforces my tendency to say even very hard things in public.
I hope this helps. I hope it helps other folks who might be reading this. Like I said, perhaps facile, but it’s what I’ve got this morning. Like you, I am forever damaged. Like you, I am forever living. Like you, I go on. What else is there?
Posted: 4:52 am Fri July 31 2009 | Comments(0) |
[photos] Your Friday moment of zen
Your Friday moment of zen.
Photographed by me in Lime, Oregon.
Posted: 4:26 am Fri July 31 2009 | Comments(0) |
[links] Link salad for a fiery Friday
A reader reacts to Green [ Powell's | Amazon
Dark Roasted Blend with some extended Star Wars weirdness — Though this remains one of my favorite pieces of Star Wars weirdness.
Ghostbusters circa 1954 — A retro trailer. Plus link to cool retro blog The Retro Blog. Though speaking of my old favorites, ever seen Howard Hawks’ Lord of the Rings? Humphrey Bogart as Frodo, L.A. as Middle Earth. Need I say more?
A Different Kind of Teacher Cheating — More on the evils of PowerPoint, collected at Freakonomics.
Making a black hole with metamaterials — Weird science files.
Inside Nature’s Giants part IV: the incredible anatomy of the giraffe — Including bonus phrase of the day “necks for sex”.
?otD: Why did Mother Superior jump the gun?
7/31/2009
Body movement: 10 minutes of stretching and meditation; 30 minutes on stationary bike
This morning’s weigh-in: 224.4
Currently reading: Between books today
Posted: 4:24 am Fri July 31 2009 | Comments(2) |
[personal] Flushing out the case of the missing toilet tank lid
Despite
The case unrolled when I talked to my Dad. As it happens, I’ve been having some work done here at Nuevo Rancho Lake (not in my upstairs bathroom) by his usual handyman. Dad had asked the handyman to replace the upstairs toilet without mentioning this to me in advance. This resulted in the handyman taking the lid off for some handyman reason, then realizing he didn’t have all the required parts for a new toilet on hand. However, by then he’d put the lid in his truck, and simply forgot.
All in all, far less mysterious than some of the more baroque theories advanced in my comments section. Though I still suspect
Posted: 2:12 pm Thu July 30 2009 | Comments(2) |
[photos] Another round of Scholes babies (and Scholeses)
As usual, more at the Flickr set.
Posted: 2:06 pm Thu July 30 2009 | Comments(0) |
[travel] Forthcoming peripateses
Now that I’m not under the chemo gun, I’m back on the usual merry-go-round. I plan to be in Seattle tomorrow night for the Clarion West party. (Unless the freeway traffic is once again apocalyptically bad.) Next Tuesday I jet off to California to connect with
See some, all or none of you here and there about the country.
Posted: 4:43 am Thu July 30 2009 | Comments(1) |
[photos] Your Thursday moment of zen
Your Thursday moment of zen.
Scholes twins sleeping, about 30 hours old, photographed by me in Portland, OR.
Posted: 4:39 am Thu July 30 2009 | Comments(0) |
[links] Link salad stumbles into Thursday, apologizes
First Contact: A Talk with Ursula K. Le Guin — The New Yorker interviews Le Guin. (Snurched from Scrivener’s Error.)
Another Word on Word Count — Agent Caren Johnson on genres, structure and word count, including this little gem comparing SF to mystery: There is a set formula for science fiction, westerns and horror as well. I can’t speak for westerns and horror, but a comment like that leads me to conclude that Caren hasn’t read much science fiction published in the last forty years, at least. (Via the Twitterfeed of @colleenlindsay.)
The toilet mystery remains unresolved thus far: [ jlake.com | LiveJournal ] —
Downgrade: 1943 — Shorpy, with a photo from the much harsher days of railroading.
Boko Haram — Language Log on Nigerian Islamic radicals and framing. I was struck by this phrase in the article, a quote from the faction’s leader: “[Western] education ‘spoils the belief in one God’.” That’s an attitude these Islamic extremists share with a wide swathe of American Christians, unfortunately for everyone involved.
Scott Adams claims that “First, 80% of healthcare costs go toward chronic diseases such as diabetes, cancer, and heart disease.” — I have no idea if this is true (and he provides no supporting cites), but anecdotally, since the first onset of my cancer in April, 2008, more healthcare dollars have been spent on me than the previous 43 years of my life combined.
?otD: I’ll shout it out, who killed the Kennedys?
7/30/2009
Body movement: 10 minutes of stretching and meditation; 30 minutes on stationary bike
This morning’s weigh-in: n/a (forgot)
Currently reading: Diplomatic Immunity by Lois McMaster Bujold
Posted: 4:36 am Thu July 30 2009 | Comments(2) |
[help] Literary arts lawyer in Portland, OR?
Can anyone recommend a good literary arts lawyer in Portland, OR or vicinity? (Oregon side, not Washington side.) I need a spot of paperwork done, and my regular attorney recommends such a specialist. Thanks!
Posted: 8:15 pm Wed July 29 2009 | Comments(0) |