[conventions] Au Contraire and AussieCon 4
We are tremendously excited.
Posted: 5:49 am Tue November 17 2009 | Comments(0) |
[cancer] Crossing the Rubicon
There are moments in life which you cannot take back or do over. The first time you say “I love you” to someone who has become important. Signing your mortgage papers. Birthing a child. Whatever happens, you’ve jumped, and there’s no going back. Your life will be forever different.
I am coming to see this impending thoracic surgery as such a Rubicon for me. Not the surgical procedure itself, I suppose, but the milestone of passing from diagnosis of this second round of cancer, which has been going on since May, to treatment, which will likely go on through next June at the earliest. Over a year of my life spent on this single, deadly issue. And this surgery is the pivot point.
Things will be different. I spent a lot of time convincing myself that last year’s cancer was a fluke, a one time event from which I would recover and return to the general population of risk, mortality, life expectancy, baseline health and so forth. Now we know my colon continues to produce precancerous polyps, and we have this tumor to take out of my lung, and we have the near-certainty of chemotherapy. I will never return to the general population. There is a new normal in my life, and it will always have me one scan away from very bad news indeed.
Take that sense of transition, and combine it with the usual fears of surgery, and my larger fears of chemotherapy, and invest it all in a Wednesday morning check-in time at the hospital for my nacho-ectomy, and you have my Rubicon.
Life will be different. More different than anything I’ve ever done, in some ways. Yet, as
Even now, I have no regrets. Only hopes and fears.
Posted: 5:43 am Tue November 17 2009 | Comments(0) |
[photos] Your Tuesday moment of zen
Your Tuesday moment of zen.
© 2006, 2009 Joseph E. Lake, Jr.
This work by Joseph E. Lake, Jr. is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 3.0 United States License.
Posted: 5:34 am Tue November 17 2009 | Comments(0) |
[links] Link salad futzes into Tuesday
Scrivener’s Error on the updates to the vile Google Books Settlement — Yep, copyright theft is still copyright theft. Way to not be evil, boys.
Downloading Optimism — Artist Lucy Knisley on digital books. Worth the read.
Fire and Ice: 1900 — Shorpy with some real steampunk.
Anonymous Doc on on unusual medical procedures — A stool transplant? (The first part of the link is about something else entirely, and is rather sad. Interesting blog to follow.)
A 25-year battery — Can I have one for my iPhone?
?otD: Why do they call it Twin Peaks when there’s three hilltops?
11/17/2009
Body movement: 60 minute urban walk (San Francisco hills!)
Hours slept: 6.0
This morning’s weigh-in: 234.5
Currently reading: Finch by Jeff VanderMeer
Posted: 5:31 am Tue November 17 2009 | Comments(0) |
[travel] My mom, on the kindness of strangers
This is her third installment, from an email dated September 22nd, shortly after her return.
Theres me, huffing and puffing up the very steep switchbacks at the end of Navajo Loop toward the rim of Bryce Canyon. I was actually doing ok, my legs were fine, but my breath was certainly audible. A Chinese woman started tracking me. She stayed within a few yards ahead or behind. Her daughter was along, but still playing down among the hoodoos. She handed me a mint. She gave a couple of grins and thumbs up. She reached to top a little bit ahead of me and waited till I came out before she moved away from the rim. I approached her and thanked her in Chinese for watching me. She told me she was from Taiwan. Her English was no better than my Chinese, so we weren’t able to say much to each other, but I was able to thank her and she was able to acknowledge me and the beauty of the place. I felt like I’d had a guardian angel.
On that same path, just before this nice taitai took me over I stepped up from the path slipped and slid just a little coming back down. A hand appeared before me, I grasped it and was helped back down to the path. Then I looked up and it was a Chinese man. I said “Sye sye nin”, and he grinned and said “But I am Korean” His English was pretty good and we laughed about my mistake, and wished each other well.
“Lets go look at the stars!” said Matt, the seed gathering tumbleweed at our thank you picnic for the GC park staff. We walked away from the campfire toward the rim for the best viewing. I realized that I was walking in starlight only not more than a few yards from the rim of a mile deep hole in the ground. And feeling secure and cared for. We looked at the stars.
The Utah map showed a road 153 across the Tushan Mountains west of US 89, headed toward Beaver Utah and Nevada. I couldn’t determine its condition from the map, but it looked more interesting than #20 which would have got me to Beaver easily. I stopped at the Forest Service ranger station to ask. The lady at the desk looked at my map with me and told me that was in a different forest, and they didn’t monitor the roads over there. I thanked her and was prepared to leave. But the district ranger came out from his office and asked if he could help with something. I told him my question and he immediately instructed the receptionist to phone the district ranger’s office in that other forest and find out for me. I went off to the restroom while she made the call. When I got back she was able to tell me that the road was gravel the first half, but well maintained and suitable for my little sedan if I went slowly. That I would come to a Y at the top and should take the right fork for the the best road back down to Beaver. She was pleased to have the good news, I was pleased to get the good news, and the road was sensational, topping out at over 10K feet with views to treasure in memory.
And to keep the kharma flowing there was Annie… I was driving up a small road in Nevada on the way out when I saw a woman of my years walking along with a water bottle in her hand. It was very hot and she was just plugging along. I stopped and asked if I could give her a ride. She accepted immediately, climbed aboard and asked me to take her to the jail. I started up and asked where the jail was. She said just to the next town about ten miles away. Her car was in the shop, had been promised for yesterday but wasn’t ready. Meanwhile she had promised to visit her friend in jail. And you know, she said, when someone is in jail and you said you’d visit, you’d better visit! I took her to the jail. We chatted along the way, she’s always lived in rural Nevada. I agreed not to tell her children she was hitchhiking if she wouldn’t tell mine I had picked her up. As she got out I advised her that next time she stopped someone for a ride maybe she shouldn’t start the converstaion with “please take me to the jail”.
I enjoyed Annie.
There were others…the campers I met, the Sierra Club people, the service people…You go for the rocks, then you meet the people. Life is good.
Posted: 5:38 am Mon November 16 2009 | Comments(1) |
[photos] Your Monday moment of zen
Your Monday moment of zen.
Travel trailer, photographed at the Rio Grande bridge near Taos, NM. © 2006, 2009 Joseph E. Lake, Jr.
This work by Joseph E. Lake, Jr. is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 3.0 United States License.
Posted: 5:28 am Mon November 16 2009 | Comments(0) |
[links] Link salad walks under the stars a while
My largely complete 2009 bibliography, for all your gift giving, award nominating or reading completist needs [ jlake.com | LiveJournal ]
The Curious Threshold For Creativity — A new model of society suggests that we should spend no more than 50 percent of our time being creative. Hmm…
God, the Army, and PTSD — Is religion an obstacle to treatment? Tell me again why faith-based programs are such a good idea?
[Rhode Island Governor] Carcieri vetoes bill allowing partners to plan funerals — That’s what I like to see, family values hitting teh gay where it hurts them the most. Hey, conservatives, are you especially proud of this one? This is exactly what you vote for, every time.
Save yourself! — Jihadism as a response to American anti-terror campaigns, and the value of protest. Whatever your politics, this is worth reading.
?otD: What is the name of Orion’s dog, anyway?
11/16/2009
Body movement: 60 minute urban walk (San Francisco hills!)
Hours slept: 6.25
This morning’s weigh-in: 233.5
Currently reading: Finch by Jeff VanderMeer
Posted: 5:26 am Mon November 16 2009 | Comments(0) |
[awards] A largely complete 2009 bibliography, as it is Nebula time
With the new Nebula Awards rules in place, nominating season is upon us. I thought I’d mention my works this year, highlighting my own favorites, for those interested in considering them. My favorite picks are in bold with *.
2009 Published Science Fiction:
* “On the Human Plan“; Lone Star Stories; February, 2009 [short story]
* “Rolling Steel: A Pre-Apocalyptic Love Story“ (with Shannon Page); Clarkesworld; April, 2009 [short story]
* “To Raise a Mutiny Betwixt Yourselves”; The New Space Opera 2, ed. Gardner Dozois and Jonathan Strahan, Eos, April, 2009 [novelette] [in Sunspin continuity]
“Leopard“; Jim Baen’s Universe, June, 2009 [short story]
“Black Heart, White Mourning”; Grant’s Pass, ed. Jennifer Brozek and Amanda Pillar, Morrigan Books; August, 2009 [short story]
* “Chain of Stars“; Subterranean, October, 2009 – [novella] [In Mainspring continuity]
“Last Drink Bird Head”; Last Drink Bird Head, ed. Jeff vanderMeer; Ministry of Whimsy Press, October, 2009 [flash]
* Death of a Starship; MonkeyBrain Books, November, 2009 [novel]
2009 Forthcoming Science Fiction:
“Bringing the Future Home”; Global Warming Aftermaths, ed. Eric T. Reynolds, Hadley Rille Books; Fall, 2009 [short story]
“Looking for Truth in a Wild Blue Yonder” (with Ken Scholes); Tor.com, Fall, 2009 [short story]
“The Starship Mechanic” (with Ken Scholes); Tor.com, Fall, 2009 [short story]
2009 Published Fantasy:
* “Golden Pepper“; Flash Fiction Online; February, 2009 [flash]
“The True Secret of Magic”, as Joe Edwards; Crime Spells, ed. Martin H. Greenberg and Loren Coleman, DAW; February, 2009 [short story]
“Witness to the Fall”; Crime Spells, ed. Martin H. Greenberg and Loren Coleman, DAW; February, 2009 [short story]
“To Stone” (with Shannon Page); Morrigan eZine, May, 2009 [short story]
* Green; Tor Books, June, 2009 [novel]
“People of Leaf and Branch“; Fantasy; June, 2009 [short story] [in Green continuity]
“Tale of the Poet and the Dog”; Japanese Dreams, ed. Sean Wallace, Prime Books; Summer, 2009 [short story]
“An Elderly Pirate Recalls the Death of Love”; Electric Velocipede Issue 17/18 [short story]
* “Red Dirt Kingdoms”; Realms of Fantasy, October, 2009 [short story]
Madness of Flowers; Night Shade Books, November, 2009 [novel]
2009 Forthcoming Fantasy:
“Bone Island” (with Shannon Page); Interzone, Fall, 2009 [novelette]
“In the Emperor’s Garden” (with Shannon Page); Fantasy, Fall, 2009 [short story]
“The Passion of Mother Vajpai” (with Shannon Page); Subterranean, Fall, 2009 [novelette] [in GREEN continuity]
“Shedding Skin; Or How the World Came to Be”; Shimmer (Clockwork Jungle Issue), Fall, 2009 [short story]
Posted: 5:53 pm Sun November 15 2009 | Comments(1) |
[food] The virtues of wretched excess; or, what I made for lunch
I made lasagna, for some value of the term “lasagna”. This originated with a meal I had somewhere in my recent travels (possibly in San Jose) where I was served a deconstructed lasagna. Ie, big flat pasta in layers with sauce and whatnot, but simply built loose upon the plate rather than laid down in a pan and baked. This seemed kind of neat, so I went for it, using no particular recipe but random inspiration.
My sins:
Chopped and lightly sauteed in butter an entire head of garlic, which I mixed with about a tablespoon of finely chopped fresh oregano, then with a stick of butter to make garlic butter for the baguette and pugliese I bought fresh this morning.
Made a salad of arugula, mixed greens, onions, tomatoes, cheese, and chow mein noodles. (This was not particularly heinous, but did serve as a grace note of plausible deniability for the nutritional blast crater that was the lasagna.)
Chopped and lightly sauteed in butter another entire head of garlic, which I split into two portions. Cooked down a pound of sliced cremini mushrooms in butter. Lightly sauteed in olive oil a red bell pepper and half a purple onion. Combined all of the above in a plain storebought red sauce base with the garlic set aside from before, along with about four tablespoons of minced cilantro and two tablespoons of finely chopped fresh oregano. Let that sit and steep for a few hours.
Meanwhile, I sauteed in olive oil eight green onions chopped down, and four serranos. I melted a pound and a half of fontina cheese in heavy cream, added the onions and serranos, the balance of my garlic, a quarter cup of green olives sliced in half, a tablespoon of truffle oil, heavy black pepper and moderate paprika.
Also for giggles I pan fried a pound of chopped prosciutto.
I then boiled a large pack of lasagna noodles, laid them down flat on four plates, spooned out a generous helping of red sauce, a couple of tablespoons of ricotta, and a portion of the prosciutto. Another layer of noodles, a generous portion of white sauce, more ricotta, and more prosciutto. Another layer of noodles, an artistic mix of red and white sauces, then topped with grated parmesan.
Served hot with garlic bread from the oven and the salad on the side. I’m not sure why all four of us didn’t wind up in the cardiac ward, but zomg was it good. Deeply heinous, but stupid tasty. Pretty sure I should be banned from kitchens for life, or at least for a while.
But I ain’t sorry. Nuh uh.
Posted: 3:23 pm Sun November 15 2009 | Comments(0) |
[cancer|personal] Crossing the streams
Yesterday was a good day.
We ran into Kat Richardson on the sidewalk, who was killing time before reading at Writers With Drinks, so we pulled her along. Once there we met up with
After WWD, we wound up talking to
This of course made all kinds of sense. You see the same phenomenon in veterans, law enforcement, survivors of a disaster, or people who’ve shared any complex, high stress experience.
Which made me realize that one reason I’d written “The Specific Gravity of Grief” was to try to frame that cancer experience, that cancer mindset, for people who haven’t taken that particular journey. To some degree, it’s why I blog so extensively and thoroughly about my cancer journey, but the story (just finished, now in revision, due out from Fairwood Press next year) is a way of communicating the essentially incommunicable. Or so I hope.
A lot of streams crossed last night, and it wasn’t dangerous so much as enlightening. It reminded me that while I stumble a lot, I also continue to progress. Sometimes I remember to be proud of myself, and the people around me.
Posted: 6:48 am Sun November 15 2009 | Comments(5) |