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[Cancer]

[cancer] The chemo ritual

So we have made a ritual to help me get through chemo. and I dreamed this up from an idea she had, and it was extended and refined by others, with contributions of material support from Mother of the Child and .

We acquired twelve small bottles and jars.

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I wrote out a list of twelve of my hopes and twelve of my fears for the chemotherapy process.

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and created twenty four small slips of paper, then wrote out each of my hopes and fears on one of the slips. (They also each wrote a separate, bonus hope of their own, which I did not see.)

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We randomly inserted one hope and one fear in each bottle. Then the two of them placed their bonus hopes into the bottles, and we arranged them on my mantelpiece.

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Now, every time I finish a chemo infusion (which will be the Sunday afternoons after the Friday sessions, when I can remove the pump I’m to wear for 48 hours), I will smash one of the bottles, releasing both the hope and the fear within. We’ll save the shards and scraps inside a larger bottle to remind me later. The diminishing line of bottles on the mantelpiece will be my countdown calendar showing how long I have to go until I’m done.

I’m not normally much for rituals, but this one feels powerful to me. and are marvelous to do this, and I love them both.

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