Jay Lake: Writer

Contact Me Home
>

Tip Jar:

Recent Posts

Subscribe to Feed

Recent Comments

Categories

[Cancer]

[cancer] The chemo ritual

So we have made a ritual to help me get through chemo. and I dreamed this up from an idea she had, and it was extended and refined by others, with contributions of material support from Mother of the Child and .

We acquired twelve small bottles and jars.

IMG_7829

I wrote out a list of twelve of my hopes and twelve of my fears for the chemotherapy process.

IMG_7815

and created twenty four small slips of paper, then wrote out each of my hopes and fears on one of the slips. (They also each wrote a separate, bonus hope of their own, which I did not see.)

IMG_7826

IMG_7832

IMG_7834

We randomly inserted one hope and one fear in each bottle. Then the two of them placed their bonus hopes into the bottles, and we arranged them on my mantelpiece.

IMG_7839

IMG_7844

Now, every time I finish a chemo infusion (which will be the Sunday afternoons after the Friday sessions, when I can remove the pump I’m to wear for 48 hours), I will smash one of the bottles, releasing both the hope and the fear within. We’ll save the shards and scraps inside a larger bottle to remind me later. The diminishing line of bottles on the mantelpiece will be my countdown calendar showing how long I have to go until I’m done.

I’m not normally much for rituals, but this one feels powerful to me. and are marvelous to do this, and I love them both.

Tags: , , , ,

Posted: 8:37 pm Thu January 07 2010 |

Where am I?

You are reading the blog of Jay Lake, speculative fiction writer and author of hundreds of short stories, many novels, and winner of the John W. Campbell Award.
Learn more here.

Share or Bookmark This

Consider adding this to one of the following social bookmarking sites.

Be Sociable, Share!

Comments

You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.
You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

  • thelittlefluffycat

    January 7th, 2010 at 8:40 pm

    OH I LOVE THAT. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE. Yes, definitely powerful!

    Reply

  • Ruthanne Reid

    January 7th, 2010 at 8:42 pm

    That is absolutely, unequivocally, indescribably awesome. I’d say you have yourself the best support you could possibly have.

    Reply

  • Jan

    January 7th, 2010 at 8:46 pm

    So much love..and what a wonderful idea. And here is the music to hear http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8QfoBHH8_Pk

    Reply

  • HollyAnn

    January 8th, 2010 at 9:13 am

    What a wonderful ritual! My best wishes to you throughout this process.

    Reply

  • Nancy Wirsig McClure

    January 9th, 2010 at 6:56 pm

    Chalk me up as another atheist who really believes in the power of ritual. Some people may think a ritual’s intent is to act on the “out there,” but we can use them to act on the “in here.” That sort of power is especially strong in rituals we create for ourselves, with our own semantics. Voice of experience.

    Reply

  • [cancer] Chemotherapy, the overnight and day 3 experience | jlake.com

    January 10th, 2010 at 1:38 pm

    [...] I know some of you are as well. Then we’ll do the ritual of smashing the first chemo bottle [ jlake.com | LiveJournal ]. Then a nice long walk, or maybe even a walk before if we find ourselves ready [...]

    Reply

  • [cancer|photos] The chemo bottle ritual, 1 of 12 | jlake.com

    January 10th, 2010 at 5:36 pm

    [...] Child gathered with me in the yard at Nuevo Rancho Lake to smash the first of the chemo bottles [ jlake.com | LiveJournal ]. I said a few personal words, then smashed the [...]

    Reply

Leave a Reply

« | »