Jay Lake: Writer

[cancer] Healthcare reform, and a question for my conservative friends

Sitting here in the chemo chair, reading the political news about HCR. It’s discouraging.

Republicans have provided blanket opposition to the healthcare reform effort from the get-go, with only the vaguest token proposals of their own, those being rhetorical roadblocks lacking in either detail or serious intent. Now, because of a single special election, Democrats have lost their nerve. The Senate is talking about taking the ban on pre-existing conditions limitations out of the bill. I’m not sure what the status is on lifetime coverage limitations.

To my conservative friends who believe the current system is “best in the world”, and to the Democrats in Washington who have lost their spines, why do you think limits on pre-existing condition and lifetime coverage are a good idea? What is appropriate about putting people like me in a box that says, “go bankrupt, then die”? How does the vaunted free market solve my issues?

Please, tell me why this ok. Tell me why this is the “best in the world”. Because when you oppose HCR without any decent alternatives, or when you chicken out on this process, you’re telling me that it’s too bad that I get to go broke, then croak.

Even if you honestly believe that market forces are the best way to dictate my fate, that it’s too bad I’m one of the eggs that gets broken in making the omelet of market-based healthcare, sheer self interest should suggest that you might be in my position someday. What will you do then?

So tell me, why is this ok?

Tags: Cancer, health, healthcare, Personal, Politics

Posted: 11:03 am Fri January 22 2010 | Comments(4) |

[cancer] Chemotherapy, the first two weeks

and I are off to the infusion center in a couple of hours. I’m up, walked and more or less ready.

Over the past two weeks I have weathered a host of side effects. None of them have been as bad as expected, except the exhaustion, though I still managed to walk every day, and write most days, and squeeze in a trip to Seattle. I did mismanage my spoons yesterday. Was feeling pretty good, so never quite got around to stopping and resting as I should. Compounded this with a food crash heading into the lunch hour. By yesterday evening, I was stupidly tired, and had a small emotional meltdown.

Basically, I’ve learned to live with chemo. I’m told the first round of side effects typically sets a patient’s pattern going forward. It’s my expectation that the side effects will get worse as the sessions go on and the drug effects build, but really, I can live with this, and it’s less frightening than I’d expected.

We did produce a side effects worksheet last night, with consultative input from . This is so I don’t forget to report anything to the oncologist this morning. I’ll put it here under a cut for mild medical TMI, for those who are interested in the details.

Side Effect	Duration	Intensity	Remarks
Headache	Day of infusion, 24 hours	High to mild	Unusual for me
Confusion	Day of infusion, 3 hours	Moderate
Extreme fatigue	Ongoing	High to moderate	Diminished somewhat over 2 weeks
Oversleeping	First 6-8 days	High to moderate	From 10+ hours down to my usual 6
Bowel distress/severe diarrhea	Days 7-9	Extreme	Indescribably foul odor, very loose stool, possibly related to pre-existing intermittent lactose intolerance
Bowel distress	Ongoing	Moderate	Slightly looser and more frequent than normal
Neuropathy	None observed	n/a
Cold sensitivity	First 5 days	Very mild	Limited to back teeth
Impaired short term memory	Ongoing	Mild	Like I often am, just a bit more
Impaired long term memory	Ongoing	Mild	Unusual for me
Impaired thinking skills	None observed	n/a	Other
Slowed thinking skills	First 5-7 days	Mild	All my faculties, just slowed down
Impaired observation/EQ	Ongoing	Moderate to mild	Diminished somewhat over 2 weeks
Loss of appetite	Ongoing	High to moderate	Diminished somewhat over 2 weeks
Food ‘crashes’	Ongoing	High to moderate	Diminished somewhat over 2 weeks
Nausea	10 minutes, day 3	Mild
Sexual dysfunction	Ongoing	Moderate	Libido largely intact, erectile dysfunction, difficulty reaching orgasm
Excessive dental plaque	Intermittent	Moderate	Could this be a sign of thrush?

Some of the side effects are distinctly unpleasant, some are socially embarrassing or difficult to discuss (especially the bowel distress issues and sexual function issues), but they are all very real parts of the cancer experience.

We’re keeping today’s infusion low key, just riding it out and seeing how I do. will be back down tomorrow, with a quiet weekend for all three of us here at Nuevo Rancho Lake. I’ll update as I can.

Tags: Calendula, Cancer, health, Personal, shellyrae

Posted: 6:00 am Fri January 22 2010 | Comments(0) |

[photos] Your Friday moment of zen

Your Friday moment of zen.

Robot cowpoke sculpture, Missoula, MT. © 2006, 2010 Joseph E. Lake, Jr.

This work by Joseph E. Lake, Jr. is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 3.0 United States License.

Tags: Art, Montana, Photos, zen

Posted: 5:48 am Fri January 22 2010 | Comments(1) |

[links] Link salad heads for another day of chemotherapy

The larval stages of the common American speculative fiction writer — Me making a funny about aspiring writers. Humor being what it is, a number of commentors objected to my snark about romance. (For the record I was also snarky about spec fic, horror, litfic and screenwriting — the whole piece is one long snark.) See here for a detailed discussion of the thinking behind the failed joke, if you’re curious. It was not my intent to offend, and I apologize for that.

J.A. Pitts sees the ball rolling on Black Blade Blues — It’s always fun to see a good friend hit the bigs.

xkcd is genius today — As is often the case with xkcd, the mouseover text is the capper.

Citroen U55 Cityrama Currus: From Flash Gordon’s Future — I want one!

Bulgarian Air Force Mil Mi-24V — I’m having a heck of a time parsing this photo from x planes, but’s eerily beautiful in a post-apocalyptic way.

Our ice is disappearing — More of those inconvenient, liberally biased “facts”. Rush Limbaugh to the Antarctic ice cap, stat!

Proposition H8: An Open Letter to Andy Pugno — A very detailed and interesting response to the nonsensical Christianist bigotry that is the anti-gay marriage effort. (Via @MariKurisato.)

Is Health Care Reform Now Dead? — Obama, Reid and Pelosi had months to do this deal, and they pissed it away. Even if HCR does somehow come back, thinks will be worse than the already messy, limited compromise that was in train. This is literally life-and-death stuff to people with my health situation. Republicans who oppose HCR are happy to have people like me on the short leash of lifetime coverage limitations in our “best in the world” system without even a so-called “death panel” to appeal to. The Democrats are proving they are no better. I am so done with them.

?otD: Can you feel the IV drip?

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1/22/2009
Body movement: 60 minute suburban walk
Hours slept: 6.5
This morning’s weigh-in: 229.2
Currently reading: Bangkok 8 by John Burdett

Tags: Books, Cancer, cars, Funny, healthcare, Links, Personal, Photos, Politics, Process, Religion

Posted: 5:46 am Fri January 22 2010 | Comments(2) |

[process] The larval stages of the common American speculative fiction writer

I have long observed that the common American speculative fiction writer (Scriptor americanus s.f.) goes through a number of stages during larval development, prior to emerging from their paper chrysalis as a full-fledged author. Drawing largely from my own experiences, as well as keen observation of the flocks and herds of writers who routinely migrate through Nuevo Rancho Lake, I hereby propose an initial atlas of these stages, with modest comments.

Additions, corrections, observations and footnotes are, as always, welcomed.

I could do better than this. A monkey could do better than this.

After re-reading volumes I through XVII of A Game of Throne-Captains of the Mystical Vagina of Time, the writer will exclaim, “I could do better than this! A monkey could do better than this!” Many amazing careers have been launched from this moment. It should be honored, much like any moment of conception, possibly by bunking out for a wet wipe and a smoke afterward.

This is harder than it looks. Kind of like last night’s sausage.

The writer often first imitates the text that first brought their pen to page, or fingers to keyboard, or crayon to butcher paper. Sometimes development at this point diverges into Fanfic americanus s.f, sometimes it results in efforts at novel creation, as well as the creation of novels. With luck, the writer soon learns that verb agreement matters, as does POV. Otherwise they become a romance author.

Hey, I get it! I get it!

The writer creates fiction that a close friend or family member actually likes. The first surge of confidence emerges. Possibly they seek out a workshop, or attend a convention for the first time as a would-be pro rather than a fan. They are proud and happy. The writer should cherish this moment, for they are in for a world of hurt to come.

You don’t get it. Everyone’s a Philistine.

The writer’s first workshop is tepid about their work. Small flaws are pointed out with the loving kindness of mentorship for which over-the-table critique in the back room of the local branch library is justly famous. Errors of judgment in using Zapf Chancery for the manuscript are gently corrected. The issue of employing other people’s copyrighted characters is raised without aspersions being cast on the writer’s motives or competence. The value of closure, or indeed, an identifiable ending of any sort, on a story not destined for an early 1980′s issue of The New Yorker is strongly suggested with firm intent. The writer retreats to lick their wounds and denounce the fools who do not understand them.

The undiscovered genius. You poor, deluded fools will never know my worth.

The writer has achieved not just competence, but even a measure of inspiration. (Or perhaps the reverse.) They now realize their work is the equal of anything on last year’s Hugo ballot. They wait confidently for the publishing world to recognize this fact. The publishing world fails to recognize this fact. Slowly, bitterness dawns in the face of such callous rejection of obvious, overwhelming talent.

The Conspiracy Theory of Publishing. Why are all you guys in the bar together?

The writer notices all the pros hanging out in the bar at cons with each other, with editors, agents, critics, publishers, booksellers, odd job men, and shifty foreign types. They seem to be laughing and having a good time. Clearly, the entire publishing industry is set up simply so people can publish their friends! This is why the writer has not yet succeeded! Bitterness at continued undiscovery blossoms into righteous anger at the manifest injustice of this conspiracy to keep new talent down!

Suicidal mania. You’ll regret it when I’m gone.

Eventually the relentless stream of rejection wears the writer’s emotional and social resources down to a raw nubbin of steaming pain. They mournfully hang up their writing implement of choice, resume heavy drinking, and tell everybody they could have been a contender. Or they become a horror writer.

My friends are selling. Oh my god, I want to kill the bastards.

The writer’s workshop buddies begin selling stories, even a novel contract or two. The fact that publishing is a meritocracy, but not a just meritocracy, is engraved on the inside of the writer’s skull with gigawatt lasers. They pretend applaud the success of their peers, all the while wondering if they should just go back to re-reading The Mystical Vagina of Time. If they could just sell one damned thing, they’d die happy. At this point, some aspiring writers give up and become aspiring screen writers, where the odds of succeeding are so much worse they make publishing look like a Samish Potlatch on the shores of Puget Sound. That way they won’t have to put up with their new friends crowing and buying Mercedes-Benzes.

Oops. I sold something.

Congratulations! The aspiring writer is now an author. With an entirely new set of neuroses and fixations!

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Author’s notes:

1. The above is entirely fictional. I never said, did or thought any of those things. Please be assured I have always been utterly mature in my approach to my desired career during the eleven years between the time I started writing seriously and when I made my first sale. Please.

2. During my own larval phases as a writer, we did not have the Internet we have today. When I was enraged at a rejection or convinced of the banal evil of publishing, I didn’t have the conveniences of email or a blog with which to project my ass hattery for the review and amusement of the entire publishing field. All I could do was bitch to my workshop buddies over beer and burgers. Today’s aspiring writers have so much more opportunity to achieve high name recognition prior to ever (or never) selling their work, thanks to these new technologies. And with Google, that ass hattery is permanently recorded for future generations to remember you by! Isn’t the future awesome?

Tags: Funny, Personal, Process, Writing

Posted: 5:55 am Thu January 21 2010 | Comments(39) |

[photos] Your Thursday moment of zen

Your Thursay moment of zen.

Jurassic truck in Hunters, WA. © 2006, 2010 Joseph E. Lake, Jr.

This work by Joseph E. Lake, Jr. is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 3.0 United States License.

Tags: cars, Photos, Washington, zen

Posted: 5:25 am Thu January 21 2010 | Comments(1) |

[links] Link salad is a desperado under the eaves

I am interviewed at Topzine by Jakub Ehrenberger — In Czech.

Cherie Priest on the things authors do and don’t control — About once every month or two, I get asked by someone, “Why don’t you have you book made into a movie.” Man, I wish I’d thought of that! Heh.

My Facebook “friends” go to town on a bad writing sample of mine — Stupidly funny, especially if read aloud like bad poetry.

Life among the pirates — A fascinating piece on Peruvian publishing and book piracy. Really, this piece is a lot more interesting than that makes it sound. (Ganked from, erm, somewhere.)

Jalopnik with a great selection of classic automotive photos from the New York Public Library

Emerging Exoplanet Resources — For all you skiffy writers, from Centauri Dreams. A bookmark-worthy link or two in there.

Climate Change Authority Admits Mistake — Oh, lovely. Not that climate change denialists need evidence, but this sort of crap gives them a lot of ammunition in their fight against reality.

Demoralized Democrats — But the reaction congressional Democrats have had to Coakley’s loss has been much more shattering. It has been a betrayal. Yep. We get the country we deserve, and the Democratic party is going to push us right back to the toxic morass of Republican governance, with all that implies for the continued decline of America.

More Fake Persecution From the Christian Media — Apparently, identifying Christian terrorists as Christian terrorists is persecution. Grow up, guys.

Roger Ebert writes a letter to Rush Limbaugh — People wonder why I think conservatives are crazy? Read what Ebert has to say to the leading voice of conservative America about Limbaugh’s own words.

?otD: Don’t the sun look angry through the trees?

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1/21/2009
Body movement: 60 minute suburban walk
Hours slept: 6.0
This morning’s weigh-in: 227.6
Currently reading: Bangkok 8 by John Burdett

Tags: Books, Christianism, Funny, interviews, Links, Personal, Photos, Politics, Process, Publishing, Religion, Science, Writing

Posted: 5:23 am Thu January 21 2010 | Comments(2) |

[cancer|writing] This is my brain on chemo

Wrote for about 90 minutes today. Which is to say, editorial discussion with about some revision issues in Our Lady of the Islands, then a whole bunch of editing, as well as some incidental research. (Such as learning what a trepang is.)

Had a discussion with Herself on the way home from the airport concerning my current mental deficiencies, courtesy of chemotherapy. Somewhat to my surprise, my reasoning ability seems as strong as ever, or nearly so, as does my creativity. My short-term memory is sucking wind, as is my longer term memory for things which aren’t usually of immediate importance to me — ie, retrieval of obscure details. So I forget to do stuff, and I can’t remember a lot of things that are normally at my mental fingertips.

(And here writing this, I just said to , “It was short-term memory, and what else I can’t do?” Whereupon she laughed at me as she supplied the answer. Sigh.)

Ok, if this pattern holds, I’ll take it. I can make a lot of notes, and look stuff up that I would normally already know. It’s making me a bit crazy, but not nearly so crazy as simply being unable to think would do.

Tags: Books, Calendula, Cancer, health, Our Lady, Writing

Posted: 6:31 pm Wed January 20 2010 | Comments(1) |

[personal] Wednesday updates

Came back from Seattle yesterday after work via the train. Comfortable, pleasant ride that was only half an hour behind schedule. Had a nice weekend with , then , as well as attending ‘s birthday party, as documented by here. (Which reminds me, I need to get the photos from .) Played network and systems engineer at ‘s house, then saw her attack a welcome burst of productivity. Somehow, with all that, also managed a lovely dinner with my friend H—, who kindly transported me from the train station at this end of things.

Today flies in from San Francisco. We’ll have a day or so of pretending to normalcy, then chemo two of twelve on Friday. Meanwhile, I must prepare for her arrival prior to commencing Day Jobbery at the usual too-early hour of 6 am.

Tags: Calendula, Cancer, health, Personal, San Francisco, Seattle, shellyrae, Travel, work

Posted: 4:53 am Wed January 20 2010 | Comments(0) |

[photos] Your Wednesday moment of zen

Your Wednesday moment of zen.

Detail of derelict gas pump in Hunters, WA. © 2006, 2010 Joseph E. Lake, Jr.

This work by Joseph E. Lake, Jr. is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 3.0 United States License.

Tags: Photos, Washington, zen

Posted: 4:47 am Wed January 20 2010 | Comments(0) |