[personal|family] More medical updates
Without getting into her privacy overmuch, Mother of the Child will be in the hospital at least through the end of the week. A complication from a minor outpatient procedure yesterday has produced a potentially life-threatening infection. spent the night at a friend’s (and is on spring break this week and next), but I need to collect her this morning. She has a very difficult attitude about medical issues since my cancer onset in 2008, so this will be a week of supreme parenting challenges.
I of course was virtually useless last night due to chemo fatigue. My parents handled the vast majority of logistics and the inter-hospital transfer that happened mid-evening, while I came home and collapsed. I still managed to not-sleep, and here prior to 6 am, my scars are already aching, which is generally a Very Bad Sign. Fatigue is also a critical issue for me.
The universe being what it is, yesterday Pinion came out in trade hardback, while I sold a novella to Hayakawa for Japanese translation, and and I sold a new jointly-authored story. My first romance, I believe.
The universe also being what it is, this is the second book release date of mine marred by a major ER admission. My initial expression of colon cancer symptoms led to an ER admit on the day that the Mainspring mass market paperback was released. Yesterday’s release of Pinion coincided with this issue of Mother of the Child’s. Oh, the fricking irony.
It’s going to be a very difficult week for everybody, but especially . I still plan to be at Powell’s Cedar Hills tomorrow for my one-stop book tour. I’ll update if major changes occur.
Tags: Books, Calendula, Cancer, Child, family, health, Japan, Mainspring, Personal, Pinion, stories
Posted: 4:54 am Wed March 31 2010 | Comments(4) |
{photos] Your Wednesday moment of zen
Your Wednesday moment of zen.
Bridge at Rainbow Dam, Montana. © 2006, 2010, Joseph E. Lake, Jr.
This work by Joseph E. Lake, Jr. is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 3.0 United States License.
Tags: Montana, Photos, zen
Posted: 4:43 am Wed March 31 2010 | Comments(0) |
[links] Link salad with another day in heck
Reading Local: Portland interviews me
The Vigilantes of Comedy — A different, peer-driven approach to intellectual property.
A Shakespeare Scholar Takes on a ‘Taboo’ Subject — James Shapiro explores the authorship question—and why few in academe will touch it. I liked Qaddafi’s theory, myself.
Looking out from inside the Hindenburg — From x planes.
In Mexico, Catholic order is haunted by past — Worldwide, the Legion of Christ is struggling with the fallout of revelations that its late founder sexually abused boys, had affairs and had been addicted to drugs. But in Mexico, support is strong. More moral leadership from conservatives worldwide.
Dad of a fallen Marine perseveres against protests at military funerals — These guys belong to you, conservative America. Products of your rhetoric, your ideology, your fear-mongering, your Christianism. Proud of yourselves?
?otD: Have you felt the devil’s riding crop?
3/31/2010
Writing time yesterday: n/a (chemo)
Body movement: 30 second stationary bike ride
Hours slept: 6.0 (interrupted)
This morning’s weigh-in: n/a
Yesterday’s chemo stress index: 7/10 (extreme fatigue)
Currently reading: [between books]
Tags: Culture, interviews, Links, Personal, Photos, Politics, Portland, Process, Religion, Writing
Posted: 4:40 am Wed March 31 2010 | Comments(0) |
[personal] More medical crap
Mother of the Child’s treatment course continues non-obvious, though we do have a firm diagnosis. Doctors at hospital A want to transfer Mother of the Child to hospital B, as her ER admit is related to a complication from a minor surgery this morning at hospital B. Hospital B has agreed to accept her, but apparently this is very complex. I am fading fast due to chemo fatigue. is taking things badly, and staying with a friend tonight. My family is on deck and covering, but this is getting difficult and painful. Probably no updates til tomorrow.
Tags: Cancer, Child, family, health, Personal
Posted: 6:21 pm Tue March 30 2010 | Comments(0) |
[personal] It never rains but it pours around here
Mother of the Child is in the ER with serious but non-life threatening issues. is at a lacrosse game, and I don’t know when she’ll be home. I am exhausted and immunocompromised, and cannot spend too much time hanging around the hospital, so my dad, who has a bad cold, is covering the ER right now while mom (who also has a cold) is here with me waiting for to get home. It is getting dark, so I can’t drive, but Mother of the Child is now sedated, and I’m the only one who can give consent for treatment over at the hospital. Plus I’m about an hour from my nightly passing out due to chemo fatigue.
May I have a hearty “argh frick” from the audience?
Tags: Cancer, Child, family, health, Personal
Posted: 5:31 pm Tue March 30 2010 | Comments(5) |
[cancer] Yesterday sucked
Well, that was the hardest Monday I’ve had yet. The extreme fatigue of the weekend (a whole new order of magnitude of an already existing, severe problem0 translated into a miserable Monday. I wound up taking time off the Day Jobbe despite my best intentions. Spent much of the day sitting or lying down, went to bed quite early armed with Lorazepam. So far I feel ok today, but, wow…
I hope like blazes that the next rounds of infusion don’t follow this pattern. I am giving credence to ‘s theory that last week’s cold wipe me out so that I didn’t have even my minimal reserves to cope with chemo. I just hadn’t realized how much further I could sink.
and had a good weekend. Emotionally, mine wasn’t bad, beyond the hideous fatigue. They got a lot done. Last night presented me with a hilarious gift that I understand and helped her with. You guys get up to a lot down there in San Francisco, don’t you?
I am cancelling all my social plans this week except Thursday’s reading at Powell’s Cedar Hills for Pinion. This means missing ‘s birthday party, the Fireside Writers Group, a couple of lunches and a dinner. But it’s perfectly clear to me that I need to maximize my rest right now. And given that I lost my tax prep weekend to the cold a week and a half ago, I need some mental and physical energy for it this coming weekend.
Still, I’m amazed at how bad yesterday was for me. This stuff keeps reaching new lows. If I were a praying man, I’d be on my knees begging for strength in the next go-round.
Meanwhile, departed yesterday afternoon. leaves today. I will be home alone a while. This is probably good for my resting state, but my heart is always happier in company.
Tags: Books, Calendula, Cancer, health, Personal, Pinion, shellyrae
Posted: 4:13 am Tue March 30 2010 | Comments(9) |
[photos] Your Tuesday moment of zen
Your Tuesday moment of zen.
Lake County, MT. © 2006, 2010, Joseph E. Lake, Jr.
This work by Joseph E. Lake, Jr. is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 3.0 United States License.
Tags:
Posted: 3:59 am Tue March 30 2010 | Comments(0) |
[links] Link salad has a book release
My new novel Pinion [ Powell's | Barnes & Noble | Borders ] is out today. Have you bought yours?
Globish: the worldwide dialect of the third millennium — An interesting article with some serious flaws. For one thing, don’t trust anyone who says something like: “The language they spoke was a highly simplified form of English, without grammar or structure, but perfectly comprehensible, to them and to me.” Every language has grammar. Period. By definition. That statement smacks of 19th century Eurocentric pseudoscience. (Snurched from Scrivener’s Error.)
Land Smugglers — Apparently you can steal anything.
Socialism? Not Quite, Say the Socialists — An actual Socialist on HCR. Confidential to GOP in America: You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.
GOP on recess appointments: Ignore that we used to like them! — Although President Bush used the recess appointment a full 179 times in his two terms, that’s not the point, says Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell, R-Ky, who called this “yet another episode of choosing a partisan path despite bipartisan opposition.” Of this kind of move, chips in Sen. Jon Kyl, R-Ariz., “It has to be done very sparingly.” Ah, the memory hole, a Republican’s best friend.
The Right: Constantly On The Wrong Side Of History — They were wrong about Social Security. They were wrong on integrating the military forces under President Truman. They were wrong about McCarthyism in the early 1950′s. They were wrong about passing civil rights legislation in the 1960′s. They were wrong on Medicare. They were wrong about women rights. They were wrong about ‘trickle down economics.’ They were wrong about tax breaks for the rich. They were wrong about the war in Iraq. They were wrong about climate change. They were wrong about LGBT rights and they are wrong about healthcare reform. Um, yeah.
In the faces of Tea Party shouters, images of hate and history — The mobs of yesteryear were on the wrong side of history. Tea Party supporters and their right-wing fellow travelers are on the wrong side now. It shows up in their faces.
Irrational Tribalism — Conservative commentator Daniel Larison on the Palinites, asking many of the same questions I do. Mostly summed as “Wha…?”
GOP: Before the Mandate Before They Were Against It — Just another baldface Republican lie about HCR. Once again, the memory hole is a Republican’s best friend.
?otD: Have you ordered Pinion yet?
3/30/2010
Writing time yesterday: n/a (chemo)
Body movement: 30 second stationary bike ride
Hours slept: 8.5 (interrupted)
This morning’s weigh-in: n/a
Yesterday’s chemo stress index: 7/10 (extreme fatigue)
Currently reading: [between books]
Tags: Books, Culture, Language, Links, Personal, Pinion, Politics
Posted: 3:56 am Tue March 30 2010 | Comments(0) |
[cancer] The roughest chemo infusion weekend yet
Wow, was this infusion weekend just past a stone bitch. Six of twelve, six more to go, and I am dreading what comes next.
Taken as a whole, the side effects were neither particularly violent nor particularly pernicious. The actual infusion session on Friday was quite reasonable. But the fatigue was an order of magnitude greater than I’ve previously experienced, starting Saturday afternoon. The associated emotional flatness was overwhelming This was very, very hard on my caregivers, especially .
Even today, I’m sort of put together, but rather desperately wishing I could take another day off from the Day Jobbe. (I am being extremely parsimonious of taking time off, as chemo is eating all of my sick leave and part of my vacation, and I really don’t want to work literally every day for the rest of the year, or screw up the New Zealand/Australia trip.)
points out quite rightly that I’d just gotten over the viral cold from the previous weekend, and as such my already-limited physical and emotional reserves were drained flat prior to going into the infusion center. I am certain she is correct in this, which does a bit to ameliorate my fears about the next few rounds of chemo, but still, wow, has this been overwhelming. I’m not sure I’ve ever been so flattened in my life, outside the context of my significant clinical depression as a teen/young adult.
It’s also odd, when I pull back and look at the situation, how simply being tired can be so taxing. In a way, that’s almost counterintuitive. I’ve certainly been through far worse passes in the process, just from a purely physical perspective. My adventures in lower GI management are a tragedy that could write itself, as I’ve documented along the way here, and the few times I’ve had total failure there have bordered on disastrous, not to mention nearly sending me into the ER. This time, just fatigue. But ZOMG, such fatigue.
And that’s a side effect I don’t really have any insight into how to better manage. I’ve learned to balance diet, medication, sleep and activity to keep the lower GI on track. Most of the other side effects I can either treat or live with. But the fatigue that just erases my brain, heart and body is profoundly discouraging. I am less and less me as this goes on.
Have I mentioned that cancer sucks?
Tags: Calendula, Cancer, health, Personal, shellyrae
Posted: 4:31 am Mon March 29 2010 | Comments(2) |
[politics] The fine art of denial in political discourse, part 1
This will come as no surprise to anyone who’s been following me for more than, oh, about eight or ten hours, but a lot of politics gets talked on my blog. And my Twitter feed. And my Facebook. I’m a strong liberal-progressive, Leftist by American standards, barely past the Center by European standards. In other words, I’m not a Socialist, or anything much like one, except in the highly inaccurate, perjorative sense that Republicans use “Socialist” as a scare word indicating anyone to the left of Richard Nixon. I like my nice capitalist paycheck and my nice capitalist house and so forth. My net worth would suggest I’m not a very successful capitalist, but by and large the system works for me.
I’m also not a Democrat, except technically. I registered Democrat in the 2008 election cycle because Oregon doesn’t have open primaries, and I wanted to vote for Obama. This was before his vote (as Senator) for the Telecommunications Immunity Act, after which I ceased donating money or offering my political support to him. I probably would have gone with Hillary Clinton otherwise, or just sat out the primaries completely. So yes, I’m still registered, but for most purposes, I don’t see a lot of distinction between the Democratic Party and the Republican Party.
For most purposes. A few differences, however, count for a great deal. In the most basic sense, the Republican Party has become single-threaded, while the Democratic Party still moves in a number of directions simultaneously.
Prior to Ronald Reagan, both parties had conservative and liberal wings, with a variety of viewpoints and perspectives. I’m (barely) old enough to remember Richard Nixon in a political sense, and Rockefeller Republicans. Nixon proposed the Environmental Protection Agency and signed it into law. Can you imagine any modern Republican doing such a thing? As a purely practical matter, the Republicans today have become a very narrow party, dedicated to eliminating abortion, promoting Evangelical Christianity, protecting gun ownership, and lowering taxes. This is is the distilled essence of Sarah Palin, who is the closest thing the GOP has to standard-bearer of late.
The Democrats, by contrast, span the gamut of views on reproductive rights, religion, firearms, fiscal policy and host of other issues. It’s a bigger tent. Which is why you see Democrats so often forming a circular firing squad at crucial moments, with their justly famed prowess at snatching defeat from the jaws of victory. They can’t agree on anything most days, while the GOP has religiously observed Reagan’s Eleventh Commandment by marginalizing almost everyone within their own party who doesn’t toe the line.
As it happens, I disagree with all the Republican signature issues, as well as their stance on immigration, national security, foreign wars, unrestrained spending, regulation, the role of government in society, and a number of other things. Mind you, GOP rhetoric, on spending, for example, can be quite reasonable. But from 2000-2006 the Republican Party controlled all three branches of government, and the United States ran up the largest deficits in history. Reagan’s record was quite similar. Conservative actions do not even begin to match rhetoric.
I disagree with the Democrats on a number of their positions as well, viewing them as largely the lesser of the evils, especially in their corporatist tendencies and their comatose quiescence on national security abuses. But our system is so heavily weighted against third parties I don’t see much point in going Green, for example, even if I wanted to. Besides, I’m not aware of a third party that matches my desires for strong progressive social policy, limited defense spending, an internationalist foreign policy, very strong gun control, strong environmental protections, and so forth. So my votes are generally Democratic, and by default my views wind up aligning with them more than anyone else.
All of which is to say, those are my views of the political parties. As individuals, the people I know in my life range from radical anarchists to neo-Hooverite paleoconservatives. To a woman and man, they are decent, thoughtful people, even though I disagree with many of them. I don’t talk politics with most, have blazing rows with a few, and friendly tussles with quite a few more. That’s how I learn, and adapt my views — by advancing them, defending them, and listening to people’s responses.
Am I guilty of confirmation bias in the evidence I seek? Doubtless, though rarely deliberately so. Do I ignore what I don’t agree with? More often than I’d like. Do I change my views on political topics? Yes, from time to time, though generally it’s a case of moderation rather than reversal. (For example, specifically due to an extended series of discussions on my blog a few years ago, I’ve backed off from my historical hardline opposition to home schooling. Likewise, I am more moderate on my views of gun control than I used to be.)
But there’s a pair of tendencies I run into from time to time in political discussions that frustrate me immensely. And they seem to have grown much stronger of late as political and social passions have been inflamed nationally by the poor economy and healthcare reform. One is False Equivalency, which I see both from angry people who identify as centrists, and conservatives squirming away from the excesses of their party and their fellow travelers. The other is a more specifically conservative trope, which is a version the No True Scotsman argument.
And frankly, they’re both pissing me off. More to come in a day or two…
Tags: Politics
Posted: 4:22 am Mon March 29 2010 | Comments(1) |
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