Jay Lake: Writer

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[Cancer]

[cancer] There’s a fog in the headlands

Yesterday was pretty bad, mentally. I had a lot of trouble doing some fairly routine things. Admittedly, much of the trouble didn’t start inside my head (two weird credit card problems to resolve, being locked out of my credit union’s online banking due to changes in their systems, etc.) but dealing with lots of numbers and stupid, finicky details seemed to defeat me. I also missed a client meeting at the Day Jobbe, simply because I wasn’t paying attention. That’s the first time I’ve done something like that in the seven years I’ve been with this employer.

I can’t tell if this was a new low in chemohead, or just a series of unfortunate events.

Meanwhile, fatigue continues unabated. To add to my joy, I’ve been asked to cover a 4 pm meeting today at work. (I normally work 6 to 3, having woken up between 4 and 5.) Given that my brain melts into chemo fog in the early afternoon and I go to bed between 4:30 and 5:30 most days now, this is brutal. I am not complaining, this is my job, but wow am I going to struggle very hard with this if we can’t get a reschedule.

arrives today. arrives tomorrow. Birthday dinner with my parents tomorrow night. So good things to come, if I can stay awake and focused.

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