[cancer] By the fingernails

I swear, it’s always something new. And usually unpleasant. Just in the past few weeks, my fingernails have begun to split on almost a daily basis. I’m talking snags and small cracks in the end of the nail, as anyone might get occasionally. They’re also thinner, as evidenced by the reduced amount of pressure required to clip them. It might be my imagination, but their quick seems to have more ridges than they used to.

Uneasy dreams last night, mostly about awkward, failed teen-style attempts at sex, and travel frustrations. Imagine Planes, Trains and Automobiles combined with American Pie, except there was never this one time at band camp. Ah, to have a life of the mind.

arrived last night. arrives tonight. We get the needle set today, and my blood chemistry done. Tomorrow is infusion session twelve of twelve. I’ll be bringing copies of The Specific Gravity of Grief to give to my oncologist and to the infusion center’s reading library.

This is the last time I go in for the FOLFOX/Avastin cocktail. It seems both a trivial moment and a huge one. My (step)mom, and The Niece are baking today, so I can bring the family’s traditional chocolate cake in as a thank you to the people at the infusion center. Then, well, life begins to change again.

Speaking of life changes, I direct your attention to this conversation between and .

We all change, then we change some more. I could just do without the medical drama.

3 thoughts on “[cancer] By the fingernails

  1. Alexis says:

    Glad it’s finally over, or almost over Jay! I had wierd fingernail stuff too. They turned orange and ridge-y. I was happy when they grew back pink again, which happens pretty quickly. In fact, the strangest thing about cancer is how quickly your body heals as opposed to your mind. I don’t think my mind will ever heal from the experience.

  2. Almost there, Jay.

    As an FYI, the quick is somehow related to oxygen levels (I forget the actual diagnostics of it, but I would ask a nurse or doctor about it). And yeah, the chemo drugs attack the various protein functions (which is why it affects the hair and nails). Sucks about that.

    But soon to be done. Once more unto the breech, dear friend.

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