[personal] Life in the pressure cooker

Over at the hospital at 5 am this morning to sit with tillyjane for a while. She is barely mobile and in a lot of discomfort, but recovering nicely. They may discharge her as early as Tuesday. We’re still getting a handle on how to manage her care at home.

Yesterday I was thinking about what to tell my therapist when I see him this coming week. Over the past two weeks, exactly so counting back from today, I and the people I love have experienced:

  • A major relationship crisis with calendula_witch as our respective chemo stress finally unloaded abruptly and overwhelmingly
  • That same relationship crisis extending to her connection with markferrari as both cause and effect
  • tillyjane (a/k/a my mom) going in the course of five days from ordinary health to major, life-changing surgery
  • The return of the Fear over tomorrow’s cancer scans; and my abject terror that they will find more spots and I’ll be back on the surgery/chemo trail again
  • the_child turning thirteen, with a great deal of the stereotypical transition drama actually occurring in real life
  • A total shut down of my writing productivity due to stress, which is almost unheard of for me
  • Two straight weeks of travel and being away from home while this was all happening

Why has my head not yet exploded like a pumpkin filled with acetylene?

6 thoughts on “[personal] Life in the pressure cooker

  1. You’re getting hit hard just as I am, although in different ways. Hang in there. Praying for you.

  2. John Stevens says:

    It’s the adamantium skull holding it all in, Jay.

    You are willful and stubborn and fortitudinous. You are focusing all of your energy on your relationships, and that can drain the creativity. But don’t berate yourself for that; it happens. Work through the life-stuff and it’ll come back.

    I went through this with my mom’s cancer and relationship stresses. I am still pulling out of it, but what got my fiction-brain going again was dealing with the stresses around me, sitting with them, figuring out how they were affecting me and what could be done to make things better. It can take time and can be mega-frustrating. But hang in there.

  3. TadK says:

    It really sounds like the normal average person would have crashed / been crushed beneath this weight. I would have under this sort of pressure. So you have my sincere awesome respect for being as well as you are.

  4. Judging from this exploding pumpkins video, the trick is to have stress relief valves built into the pumpkin. In the specific pumpkin example, that’s having the eyes, mouth, etc, pre-cut and inserted back into the openings. When the gas inside is ignited, the pre-cut pieces blow out, leaving you with a nice jack-o-lantern instead of shattered pieces and splattered pulp.

    Posting here, I would think, is one of your personal relief valves.

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