[cancer] The clock in my head

My sleep patterns tell me a lot about how my body is doing. On chemotherapy, I routinely slept anywhere from nine to eleven hours a night and often took naps. I did not awaken reliably. I was groggy many days.

In the past few weeks, I’ve been able to wake comfortably and fully rested with six to seven hours a night of sleep. I still seem to need a longer night every few days, but not by a lot. This is allowing me to recapture much of what I consider to be my productive day.

Also, I’ve once more begun waking up when I decide to. This is a trick that I’d lost since last November, through the surgeries and the chemo. In my normal health, I can tell myself before I go to sleep when I want to wake up. I wake up then, usually three to five minutes ahead of the target time. I can go weeks without ever using my alarm.

That clock in my head is finally back. I hadn’t realized how much I missed it, simply as a signifier of how I feel.

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