[Uncategorized]
[personal] On writing, maturity and my personality
On the LiveJournal side of my recent post on perseverance [ jlake.com | LiveJournal ], ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=1){kind=small}
inflectionpoint
Very curious about how your personality is an artifact of your middle age. Can you say more?
I responded:
This probably merits a blog post of its own, rather than a comment reply, but in very short form, I was a pretty introverted and clueless child, teen and young adult. Sometime in my mid-to-late thirties I finally shed a lot of those inhibitions and that social blindness and tuned in to the people around me. I actually credit my personal growth to the effort I put into my writing, but that’s probably somewhat arguable. I suspect it was an effect of delayed maturity more than anything.
mmegaera
I don’t think one’s level of intro/extroversion has anything to do with one’s maturity, to be honest, and it kind of bothers me to hear someone say so in that manner.
My response to that was:
I shouldn’t think so as a general rule, given that introversion/extroversion seems to be nearly an intrinsic personality characteristic, but in my case this was definitely so. I became more extroverted as I matured and better grasped the rules of social intercourse, so to speak. Presumably I always had the impulse to extroversion, but for years was very bad at expressing myself or knowing how to fit in. That’s what maturity gave me.
It’s undeniable that I have been a very different person since my late thirties than I was in my teens, twenties or early thirties. (For reference, I am 47 now.) I can’t speak for how others see me, but how I see myself has changed radically. I’m much more comfortable with myself and others, far more self-confident without being particularly self-conscious, much less concerned with how people see me or judge me, and generally a lot more relaxed and happier than ever I was earlier on in my life.
My experience of this transition is that it occurred at the same time that I was emerging as a working pro author. The transitions of writing and the business of my career opened doors in my head and heart that I barely knew were there. This centeredness and sense of self has been one of the great gifts that writing has given me.
Emerging authors famously go through a lot of transitions. The number of second book divorces and relationship collapses is legendary. My personal opinion is that this has to do with a shift in worldview as the writerbrain really engages and becomes an enmeshed part of the writer’s personality. Everything changed for me — life goals, daily habits and behaviors, basic outlook.
I really can’t say if it works this way for others. In fact, I’m quite curious about your experiences. Has writing changed your life? How? Was it for the better? Would you go back? Or are you just the same as you ever were?
Posted: 9:42 am Mon December 05 2011 |
Where am I?
You are reading the blog of Jay Lake, speculative fiction writer and author of hundreds of short stories, many novels, and winner of the John W. Campbell Award.
Learn more here.
Comments
Leave a Reply
« [cancer] Chemo 11 of 12 complete | [links] Link salad awakens far too early »
JD Rhoades
December 5th, 2011 at 9:50 amEmerging authors famously go through a lot of transitions. The number of second book divorces and relationship collapses is legendary. My personal opinion is that this has to do with a shift in worldview as the writerbrain really engages and becomes an enmeshed part of the writer’s personality.
I’ve seen the phenomenon myself, and I wonder how much of it has to do with touring.
Not only does it take people away from home for long stretches (particularly hard with women writers whose husbands were used to their wives being there to cook dinner and clean up before or after writing) but also you’re getting out and meeting people who regard the writing as something that’s a part of you rather than a charming hobby. Some spouses never can adjust to that.
Ben
December 5th, 2011 at 10:27 amFor me, the more I wrote (and write) the more confident I became (and become). I do attribute personal growth to my writing. I just don’t think I’d be as open as a person were I not a writer. The others in my immediate family do not write. They are very conservative and close-minded–anti-gay, sexist and even often racist in their worldview. People ask why I’m not like the rest of my family. Writing, and gaining a college education are the main differences. Yes, I went through divorces, but quite glad to be happily married now. As for things I’d change, I might have chosen a different masters degree, and I like to think I’d marry my wife a lot earlier so I could have more time with her. Otherwise, writing has been very good to me and remains so.
Pam
December 5th, 2011 at 11:07 amJust off the cuff here, and wishing I had time to think and write a more considered response, I have to say writing profoundly changed my way of being in the world. As a young person I was an incredibly shy misfit who hid by reading. The girl who walked the halls between class with thick, black framed glasses and her nose in a book, elbowed aside, spat on, verbally and physically assaulted. As I began to write about the world I had to reach out of self and this forced me to begin interacting with the people around me. Slowly I figured out that being introverted carried no payoff. Also, around this time I passed a point in the transition and beat the crap out of the next person to bully me. That changed a lot of perspectives. Also, once I decided to try and sell my writing, the critique process further thickened my skin and taught me that I could/would survive these assaults to my pride. I guess in a strange way writing has made me brave.
Ken Scholes
December 5th, 2011 at 4:05 pmHmmmm. Not sure this is really about extroversion or introversion, dude. Feeling socially confident and learning social skills with practice isn’t really the same thing. Introverts typically prefer solitude and do their best resting, re-charging, alone….some are shy but some aren’t. Extroverts typically need people to re-charge and usually have preference for being in groups. The behavior can be learned regardless of the preference — for instance, few people believe I’m an introvert based on my social skills or how well I do in a group but anyone who knows me can tell that afterwards, I’m out of gas and have to go charge back up again. You, on the other hand, definitely get energized with a roomful of people under normal circumstances.
Jonathan
December 5th, 2011 at 5:21 pmWriting has helped me look at the long view of things better, to fix tangible goals and to persevere. I wouldn’t go back for anything except maybe to start sooner.
Re: spouses and partners – it’s been a huge blessing having a supportive spouse. Ultimately, I think that if a person’s self-worth is wrapped up solely in their work, they’ll have a helluva time with relationships regardless of their vocation.