[movies] Prometheus

Last night, I went with Team E— to see Prometheusimdb ].

Wow.

That was bad.

I don’t mean interesting or funny bad like “Eye of Argon” or Attack of the Killer Tomatoesimdb ]. I mean intellectually offensive and fatuously stupid bad. Like Star Wars Episode I [ imdb ] bad, except without the benefit of Lucas’ nuanced character development and sly, trenchant wit.

Prometheus made me want to ask if anyone involved in this movie had ever actually seen, you know, a movie. Or read a book. Or possibly even once spoken to someone who remembered having done so at some point in their lives. Or, you know, science. Plot logic. Character development.

Trust me on this one: slam your hand in the kitchen drawer. It will feel better in the end, and your trip to the E.R. will be more interesting and entertaining than this movie was.

The best comment I’ve seen on why the movie was so bad comes from the Web comic Hijinks Ensue. Other people also have a lot to say.

I’m pretty sure the slogan around the Prometheus production crew was “Millions for special effects, not one cent for story.” Which, admittedly, has been a big trend in movies these past few decades. But how could the people involved not know what an utter, steaming pile of dog crap they were making? Did anyone have control of this project? Prometheus was allegedly directed by some guy with the same name as the director of Bladerunnerimdb ]. Ridley Scott should sue that dude for defamation of character.

Either that, or the entire film was some gigantic post-modern joke that I missed completely. Basically, a $120 million episode of Candid Camera with America’s cinema audiences as the victims. (I’m actually kind of hoping for this interpretation to turn out to be true.)

I suppose my real reaction to this movie was to want to write an entirely new script to dub over the gorgeous filmmaking with a story that actually makes some sense. If you must watch it, do so with the sound turned off and invent your own dialog. Everyone in the theater will thank you.

What did you think of Prometheus?

11 thoughts on “[movies] Prometheus

  1. David Ivory says:

    Prometheus the Movie sucks! – That’s what I choose to believe.

    The trick, William Potter, is not minding that it sucks.

    via: http://cavalorn.livejournal.com/584135.html

    This is a pretty good attempt at explanation – but I think even the blog writer thinks it’s a pile of steaming poo.

    Ah – such a shame. I really wanted to like this.

  2. Jim Crider says:

    I would imagine the Rifftrax on this will be Epic. And probably make far more sense than the original.

  3. Matt NY says:

    WWSJD?

    1. Marta says:

      It was pretty. That’s all you can say about it, except that the android was the best developed character and the best acting.

      1. Jay says:

        It was gorgeous. That’s part of what was so frustrating. Exquisite care and incredible resources were put into that movie everywhere but in the story. Grr.

  4. I’m one of the “five scientists baffled by the bad science in Prometheus” at Forbes:

    http://www.forbes.com/sites/carolpinchefsky/2012/06/20/5-scientists-share-their-baffled-reactions-on-the-bad-science-in-prometheus/

    It’s consistently illogical from the plot to the characters to the science…

    Did a compilation of links about the science, which includes a post of my own:

    http://www.mikebrotherton.com/2012/06/20/science-of-prometheus-starlinks/

  5. Matte Lozenge says:

    What did I think of Prometheus? I can’t say, because I have not seen the flick. I have not seen anything, neither reviews nor marketing, that makes me want to see it. I sure am having a good time reading all the trash talk though. Did you know it was beaten by Madagascar 3: Europe’s Most Wanted for a second week in a row?

    “I suppose my real reaction to this movie was to want to write an entirely new script to dub over the gorgeous filmmaking with a story that actually makes some sense. If you must watch it, do so with the sound turned off and invent your own dialog”

    Great idea. I will wait to watch the silent movie fan edit version. Prolly gonna be some bodacious funny satire versions too.

  6. I recently got a comment on facebook deleted, because being critical of Prometheus is sexist, apparently. I’m kind of furious…

  7. Lxndr says:

    What did I think of Prometheus?

    I think you’re being too kind.

    I walked into it with the expectation: “This is directed by the same man who said ‘yes’ to Hasbro saying ‘hey, we want a movie based on Monopoly.'”

    I was still sorely disappointed.

  8. gottacook says:

    “Millions for special effects, not one cent for story”: Couldn’t the same be said for Blade Runner? There’s a reason that picture failed at the box office 30 years ago, and it wasn’t (solely) the awful narration.

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