[Cancer]
[cancer] Morpheus’ elusive chariot awaits me not
Because of the Late Unpleasantness in my lower GI immediately following on a chemo weekend, I slept about two weeks straight with Lorazepam every night. These past two nights I’ve foregone the pill, and have slept for beans as a result. This frustrates me.
I really, really don’t want to be drug-dependent to meet my sleep needs. In my baseline health, I am a champion sleeper. Turn off the light, fall asleep, wake six hours later energetic and refreshed. I am like the opposite of a sleep disorder. These last two nights it’s been frequent wakefulness and uneasy dreams.
Two nights doesn’t mean I got hooked on the Lorazepam. And later in the chemo cycle I’ll likely be on it close to full time anyway. But this isn’t how I want to live my life, out of a pillbox. At the moment, even sleep, one of my closest companions, seems out of my control.
In other news, I am having the opposite problem of the Late Unpleasantness in my lower GI, which is completely unsurprising as the relevant meds normally affect me like a concrete enema. Which they have. Which means my appetite is shrinking as my GI tract backs up deeper and deeper.
Sigh. Car on ice. Always.
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Posted: 7:08 am Sun December 30 2012 |
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You are reading the blog of Jay Lake, speculative fiction writer and author of hundreds of short stories, many novels, and winner of the John W. Campbell Award.
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“Rebound insomnia” is a real thing – if you rely on sleep meds for a while, you’ll probably have a few days of insomnia after you get off of them.
I was on sleep meds for years. I got off of them through force of will. Not getting hooked on them is a good idea.
It would not surprise me for the first two nights to be difficult after lorazepam, Jay. I hope very much that by now it’s completely out of your system and tonight will be different for you.