Jay Lake: Writer

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[Cancer]

[cancer] Field notes from Cancerland, San Antonio edition

Podcast

Yesterday, Mendelspod put up a 20+ minute podcast interview with me and Dad about cancer and the Whole Genome Sequencing. We listened to it in the car on the way down from Austin. I had a terrible cold the day we recorded it, and don’t sound like myself at all. Still, my comments were clear and cogent for the most part. Worth a listen if you’re following along here for the cancer news.

Dreams

Had a difficult dream last night which was a somewhat metaphorical review of the thoughts I’ve been having lately about the likely imminent wind down of both my writing career and my life as a whole. Specifically, the casting off of things both virtual and real. That intersects with my discussions with @lynnemthomas about the archiving process and how my mortality inflects that. Plus a lot of difficult thoughts about this week’s cancer news were creeping in.

Time

I am running out of time. If the cancer news is as seems likely, I’ll be back in full treatment before the end of May. That means by the end of June or so, I’ll probably never leave my house again in my life except for medical points and a few very constrained social engagements. This also means that I have around two months of productive writing time left in my entire life. There is nothing surprising about this, given the trajectory we’ve been on since the January discovery of all those additional tumors during surgery, but it’s still horrifying, depressing and disappointing. I have a lot more to say about this, but my thoughts haven’t coalesced coherently yet. Plus we’re still shooting in the dark until the May 7th scan.

Being Out in the World in My Writer Persona

Per the above, my opportunities to infest the wider world with my writer persona are likely very limited. I’m terribly pleased to be here at Paradise Lost, and to be going to the Nebula Awards Weekend, but I’m also having a sad and greedy end of the party feeling. My sense of impending loss is huge right now, but I’m also savoring every minute I can of this.

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