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[Cancer]

[cancer] Walking through another portal in the hallway to death’s door

Underwent my bimonthly CT scan yesterday. My oncologist forwarded me the radiology report a few hours later.

Not good.

Not instantly, deathly terrible, but not good.

Their comments, lightly edited for clarity and privacy:

There has been a small amount of growth in the lesions in the lungs and liver, no new lesions though. We can discuss the options, either continue on therapy thinking that the disease is growing more slowly than if off therapy, or look at Phase I options with [the oncologist coordinating trials]. Since the waiting list for Phase I is an issue, we can continue until something opens up.

What this means is that the Regorafenib is losing its effectiveness. The drug has not flatly failed me yet, but the excellent results we’ve been seeing have begun to reverse themselves. That trendline will not turn back around, that isn’t how cancer drugs work. We have to decide whether and how long we want to gamble on partial effectiveness, versus moving aggressively into clinical trials.

In effect, we’re back to where we were in June and July with my life expectancy being 6 to 9 months. The Regorafenib managed to stop that clock for a while, but the clock has re-started. If we’re very, very lucky, we may find a trial that can stop that clock again. Lisa Costello and I see my oncologist on Monday to review our options.

At the moment, I am very upset and pessimistic. It didn’t help that yesterday included the stress of the scan itself, wrangling with legal and disability issues, and a $4,000 bill for legal services in the mail.

This is another irreversible step on the rough path to my own personal extinction. Death has come another leap closer, and I can smell the gravedust on his breath.

I hate this.

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