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[funny] My grandfather the troll

When I was about four, my Granddaddy Lake told me that if I kissed my elbow, I’d turn into a girl. I walked around for weeks trying to do this. I didn’t particular want to be a girl, I just wanted to know what it felt like. Mind you, he hadn’t told me I could change back. I’d made that assumption all on my own.

So was my grandfather an early proponent of transgender awareness, or a just a troll?

[funny] Tell me a joke

What’s your favorite joke? Leave it in comments.

Sometime next week, I’ll pick a few I like and we’ll run a poll, with books and stuff for the winning jokes.

Make me laugh, people! Make me laugh!

This probably doesn’t need to be said, but though I have a very broad sense of humor, and enjoy jokes about sex, religion or politics, I will absolutely draw the line at racial “humor”, and will moderate comments if needed.

[photos|funny] This quacked me up

Yesterday, [info]the_child‘s lacrosse team played hard, but ultimately lost their game. We all rooted for them, but luck and skill were on the other side.

However, something happened during the game which I found hilarious. The field was pretty muddy with significant recent rain. A mated pair of mallards had landed near the centerline of the lacrosse field and were eating the worms that came up with the rainwater. The girls kept running back and forth right past the ducks, who weren’t giving any ground. I thought this was hilarious.

IMG_0573

Eventually, they wandered down to the end zone and went worm hunting there.

Photo © 2012, Joseph E. Lake, Jr.

Creative Commons License

This work by Joseph E. Lake, Jr. is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 3.0 United States License.

[funny] Conversations in Omaha

On the way out of my hotel yesterday morning to head for work, I stopped to chat with the day manager, who was taking over from the night clerk. (I stay there so often we’ve all been on a first name basis for years.) We were discussing my burgeoning head of hair, and I mentioned that I’d managed to save the chest port from the recent surgery to remove it. We also talked about the fact that I had samples of my liver and my colon at home. She said, “Only a man would do that.” I said, “I carried this stuff around in my body for months and years. Don’t women keep their children?”

Later that same day, talking to a woman at the Day Jobbe office about the pronounciation of her unusual surname, she said to, “Yes, sometimes I look in the phone book for dates. I like to pick men with easy last names.” This cracked me up.

Ah, Omaha. Comedy gold.

[funny] The future of space battles

Said by me yesterday on Twitter and Facebook:

Thinking how different Star Trek: Enterprise would be if they had only not lost the ancient secret of circuit breaker technology.

A response from Kenneth Rapp, which for my money wins the Internets:

That’s the problem when your gripping space battles are ‘people sitting at desks pushing buttons’. If the desks didn’t explode now and then it would be like watching Accounts Recievable In The Future.

Hahahahahahahah.

[child|funny] Conversations with my daughter

[info]the_child: “When you were a little kid, did you look up perverted things on the computer?”
[info]jaylake: “We didn’t have computers back then. I had to look up perverted things in books.”
[info]the_child: “Like butt?”

And then:

[info]the_child: “Do you know pickup lines?”
[info]jaylake: “Uh, yes.”
[info]the_child: “Have you ever used a pickup line on a girl?”
[info]jaylake: “No, not really.” :: laughs :: “Where did you learn about pickup lines?”
[info]the_child: “[teacherNameRedacted]. [friendNameRedacted] brought it up, and he had to explain it. You know, ‘You look like a parking ticket, because you have FINE written all over you.'”
[info]jaylake: :: laughs again ::
[info]the_child: “Why is that funny? I don’t get it.”

Ah, parenthood.

[funny] Lawrence Durrell on Serbian railroad crews

Reading after my nap on the first leg of my flight home, this made me laugh out loud:

“The engine was a very old one. It had been abandoned before the war by an American film company, and the Yugoslavs had tied it together with wire. Its gaping furnace, which was white hot, was being passionately fed by some very hairy men in cloth caps who looked like Dostoevsky’s publishers.”

— “The Ghost Train” by Lawrence Durrell, from Esprit de Corps, 1958