[movies] Tweetsnarking Luc Besson’s The Fifth Element
This evening while resting in my usual end-of-day state of chemo exhaustion, I rewatched Luc Besson’s The Fifth Element, which I have not seen since the original theatrical release. Tweetsnark ensued… I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.
Going to Twittersnark The Fifth Element shortly … stay tuned #5thelement
Opening credits appear to be outtakes from Lost Highway
Story by Luc Besson, from when he was 15. Wish I could make my high school crap into a big budget movie.
The inside of this tomb is much larger than the outside. Much like my colon.
“Yes, I’ve got your snakes.” Who wrote this dialog?
@stagemypage RT @jay_lake: The inside of this tomb is much larger than the outside. Much like my colon. #5thelement #fb….*PMSL* HahahHAhah!!!!!! 
xx
Coptic Priests are apparently male Bene Gesserits.
The camel does not like the Grappa. Trust Eris, I say.
Hey, this movie also features espressomachinepunk!
Aliens with glowing blue penises. Hmmm.
“Father, this is the most unbelievable thing I have ever seen!” “Ah, ah…are you German?”
Why do the aliens in a French movie (currently) set in pre-WWI Egypt speak English to one another?
Firing Lugers at aliens, always a poor idea.
I like the spaceship, which was apparently designed and built by mud daubbers.
Hmm, something bad just happened. Their response? “Send out a probe.” Kind of like dating, really.
Apparently 300 years in the future ear bud technology has been lost. Boom headsets are all the rage.
“Evil begets evil, Mr. President. Shooting will only make it stronger.”
“Get out of there. I don’t want an incident.” You figured this out after you shot the hell out of it with nukes?
Hey, it’s Bruce Willis as Harry Canyon! Or possibly Harry Canyon as Bruce Willis…
Wow this cat is psychotic.
The mugging scene, however, is hilarious.
“Very nice hat”
@MurphyJacobs RT @jay_lake: “Very nice hat” #5thelement #fb — always wondered if he adlibbed that line
“So what you’re telling me Father is there’s nothing that can stop this.” “There is only one thing.” Highlander!!!
@davidinindy Love it when I catch @jay_lake live tweeting a movie. Tonight it’s #5thelement.
“If evil stands there…” “Then what?” In that light he’s going to look like a real mudpuppy. Maybe we can offer a makeover?
“Normal human beings have 40 DNA memo groups.” WTF? That’s not rubber science, that’s play-doh science.
“We put it through the cellular hygeine detector.” Woo! Safe sex!
They’re making a man now. Just like Dr. Frank N. Furter.
Did he really just say “bombarded by slightly greasy solar atoms?”
:I’d uh, I’d like to take a few pictures. For the archives.” For the archives of spank!
She looks like Raggedy Ann after a tour in the flesh pits.
“Activate the phonic detector.” Come on, you guys aren’t even trying.
Important safety tip, don’t taunt the resurrected superalien just because she’s cute and you’re a dick.
A girl’s first view of New York City. From forty stories up…
I want to fly like Superman…
So much for Bruce’s cab. He always wanted that sunroof…
“…jella boom.” “Boom, yeah, I understand boom.” The international language of love.
Now she teaches herself to read by sheer force of will?
Do you guys really want her inside that police cruiser with you?
It’s the world’s biggest McDonald’s sign!
“I only speak two languages: English and Bad English.” Hahahaha.
Wow, McDonald’s shipping containers. I’d forgotten that.
I love the police cars. Like blue, armored sperm with guns.
“I brought the girl, remember. The redhead?” Yeah, as opposed to all those other girls in this scene.
@LynnFlewelling With blond hair and a tan? @jay_lake They’re making a man now. Just like Dr. Frank N. Furter.
“Here, take it. Go ahead. You can call me when you learn how to speak English.”
“That whole thing’s your name, huh? You have an, uh, shorter name?”
I’ve got a brand new firearm, you’ve got a brand-new key! Everybody sing!
“Are you sure she’s the Supreme Being?” “Could you ask her if I could have the gun back, please?”
@adelheid_p @jay_lake You are making my evening work drudgery much more enjoyable. That’s one of my favorite movies!
She just microwaved an entire turkey…
Gary Oldman in this movie really needs help accessorizing.
“They really make her…” “…perfect, I know.” Remember, no pictures for the archives!
@stagemypage RT @jay_lake: Gary Oldman in this movie really needs help accessorizing. #5thelement #fb……Hahhha U r sooo makin me die tonite!
This arms trade show is quite something, especially given Oldman’s delivery.
Apparently the aliens delivered the case from Pulp Fiction. “Empty. The opposite of full.”
“We are warriors, not merchants.” “You can still count!” “A little compensation is in order.”
:: boom :: “Bring me the priest.” Yeah, that was my first thought too, after my first multiple murder.
“I’m glad you’ve got your memory back. You’re going to need it.” What were we taking about?
Man, look at Zorn’s collection of classic Roombas. “What a lovely ballet ensues, so full of form and color.”
@haroldgross Rewatching #5thelement via @jay_lake tweet. A storm of snark, but I still rate the film as one of my favs… some of best sf satire around!
Zorn just deployed a life preserver on his desk. This isn’t even surreal. Just fricking weird.
“Your entire empire of destruction comes crashing down. All because of one little cherry.” Yeah, had dates like that, too.
“It’s gobbling up all the communications satellites in the galaxy.” WTF? Need to discuss interstellar vs intragalactic again
Corbin Dallas is now eating dinner on the Bladerunner set, at the noodle stand.
@bikermike I’m thinking a Larse Von Trier remake. RT @jay_lake “We put it through the cellular hygeine detector.” Woo! Safe sex!
“No, I don’t want to make you beg, I just want an explanation.” Been there, done that.
I thought General Monroe took a Leeloo fist in the spleen earlier on.
My god, it’s Princess Leia behind him, except Leia by way of Krispy Kreme quality control.
Major Iceborg will accompany you as your wife. “I’m not going.”
Corbin Dallas now stuffs four special forces types into his fridge. This is Leave It To Beaver, death match edition.
“Is this the way priests usually take vacations?” “We’re not on vacation, we’re on a mission.”
“This is not an exercise. Can you please spread your legs?” Oh, man, these guys are killing me.
“Sir. Are you classified as human?” “Negative, I am a meat popsicle.” Been there, done that, too.
Actual Bladerunner music now. And a tiny apartment chock full of weirdoes.
Her hair matches his shirt. Must be true love.
“Multipass.” Multipass! Multipass!
Leeloo Dallas Multipass “Multipass” “She knows it’s a multipass!”
“This is the key to the temple. Prepare for our arrival. I must face my destiny.” If I had a dime for every time I heard that
“Aliens ahead. Spread out.” Mmm, I love good tactics.
“I prefer to remain anonymous.” “Corbin Dallas!” My god, it’s the gender-ambiguous Soul Train!
“From what I’m looking at, intimate is the stud muffin’s middle name.” This movie is much better than I remember.
:Tomorrow from five to seven, will you please act like you have more than a two-word vocabulary?” Uh, no.
“Hi.” “You speak English now?” “I learned.” “Good.” Romance, mystery, language acquisition…
“You’re going to have to assume your individual position.” “I don’t want one position, I want all positions!” Hahahahaha.
I love the stoner rasta ground crew with the flameflowers. I don’t remember this either.
“I never felt this way before…with a human.” “Really?” Expand your horizons, baby.
Meanwhile back on Planet Evil, we still haven’t heard of orbital dynamics.
“Why is it sending out radio waves?” “Maybe it wants to make a call.” :: ring :: ring :: Hahahahah.
Phloston Paradise is a mighty, mighty ship. Better hope there’s no icebergs.
It’s Don Ho’s floating casino from hell.
“I was in labor for days. This is how you repay me? I should have just gotten a robot.”
Who did these costumes? Zombie Coco Chanel?
Hahah. The waiter walks into a room of heavily armed aliens and says, “Showtime.” Now if he’d only said “HBO”.
The Diva is very…blue. Perhaps Corbin could cheer her up.
She does appear to have a blue penis on top of her head. I’d be depressed, too, if that was me.
Aliens are now fingering the diva’s underwear. I hate it when people get short.
Leeloo is now going all Raggedy Ann ninja on the aliens. Like Priss without Roy Batty.
Oh, wait, we do have guns!
Wow, she even does Priss’ thrill-to-kick attack. Where’s the egg boiler?
@jay_lake I’d like to see Audrey Tautou portray Zombie Coco Chanel.
@Pixelfish I think (for serious) this is Moebius concept art, though.
Gary Oldman ventilates the ventilation shaft.
Somehow watching the Opera House massacre scene makes me want to sing “The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down”
“If you want something done right, do it yourself.” Advice for the ages. Smarter if you’d checked the luggage first, though.
“What do I do?” “If he moves, squeeze the trigger.” “I don’t feel right, Corbin.” You don’t feel right to me, either.
Man, that Diva has some stones. [I kill myself.]
“The gun!” :: Ray rolls him the billiard balls :: “Thanks, Ray.”
That’s one hell of a bomb, Corbin.
Meanwhile, disappointed Gary Oldman is disappointed. Very disappointed.
RT @GVDub: @jay_lake Probably Chris Tucker’s greatest performance ever. I realize that’s not saying much, but there it is.
“I.. I.. I’ve never negotiated.” “Mind if I try?” :: bang! :: “Anybody else want to negotiate?”
This movie is a blend of sublimely inspired and deeply stupid.
“What is this thing with all these numbers?” “It’s a, it’s a…” “If it was a bomb, the alarms would go off” :: woop woop ::
@jay_lake I’ve seen #5thelement ten times. Easily. It’s like the Plain Lays of fun movies.
“You know how to fly this thing?” “Just like driving a cab.”
“It’s not only advancing, it’s moving at incredible speed. We’re having trouble following it.” Used to have a car like that.
This universe apparently has interstellar communications with no lightspeed lag.
Ok, where did the kid come from? Was he just hanging out in Egypt?
“You’ve never seen this work before, have you?” “No.” “Every weapon has a manual, I’m sure this has one, too.”
@jay_lake “If you want something done right….do it yourself”
How do we open the stones? “Maybe it’s a charade. A game or something?” Yeah, that’s a good idea…
“Corbin my man, I got no fire. Father, you smoke?” One match left… You need a Zippo, man.
Leeloo freaking out at Corbin reminds me of Sgt. Pinback and the Bomb.
Wow. That was the worst case of acid reflux I’ve ever seen.
Knocked a flaming ball of rock out of orbit.
“They were so tired from their ordeal we put them in the reactor this morning.” Hahahahahahah.
Meanwhile, inside the reactor, Harry Cannon and god’s female laser are getting it on.
That’s all folks, thanks for listening. Don’t forget to (re)watch The Fifth Element soon for yourself. #5thelement
At some point, I need to retrieve my prior Tweetsnark about Lord of the Rings.
Tags: Cancer, Funny, health, Movies
Posted: 7:56 pm Fri February 26 2010 | Comments(1) |
[movies] Tweetsnarking David Lynch’s Dune
Last night while stoned on chemo, and I watched David Lynch’s Dune. Tweetsnark ensued… I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.
Chemo brain is now watching David Lynch’s DUNE. #movies
Oooh, music by Toto. We are definitely rocking the 1980s… #watchingDune
Hell of an albedo you got there, Giedi Prime. Shame if something happened to it. #watchingDune
“I shall want telepathy during his visit.” Don’t we all? #watchingDune
“You are transparent. I see many things.” Actually, if he’s transparent, you’d see nothing but the wall behind him… #watchingDune
Bene Gesserit: Making bald women into sexy dommes for thousands of years. #watchingDune
IsoBan RT @jay_lake: Bene Gesserit: Making bald women into sexy dommes for thousands of years. #watchingDune
Patrick Stewart! W00t! #watchingDune
@Lenscapper1 David Lynch’s version. Sadly, the cut down one with voiceovers. #watchingDune
Book_Donkey RT @jay_lake: Patrick Stewart! W00t! #watchingDune / Rock On. Good movie!
Dean Stockwell has serious 1970s pr0n star hair in this movie… #watchingDune
This movie is very steampunk. Actually, it’s espresso machinepunk. A visual aesthetic way ahead of its time. #watchingDune
@Lenscapper1 I *like* this version. But I’m watching the wrong edit. All they had at Blockbuster… #watchingDune
Jurgen Prochnow makes me want to play #moviemashups. “Das Booty Call” anyone? #watchingDune
Kyle Maclachlan – “The Blue Velveteen Rabbit” #moviemashups #watchingDune
“This is the Reverend Mother Gaius Helen Mohiam. She is going to observe you.” Inquistion, what a show! #watchingDune
Boy, with that Voice she really needs a throat lozenge. #watchingDune
“Put your right hand in the box.” “What’s in the box?” “Never mind, just pull my finger. I was only needling you.” #watchingDune
“Do you know of the water of life?” “Uh, I use rubber sheets. It’s ok.” #watchingDune
Now we’re on to the Harkonnens. And here’s me with a heart plug, thanks to chemo! Does this mean Sting is my overlord? #watchingDune
Watching the Baron get his pustules drained is like a Human League video… #watchingDune
Mrs_Bobcat LOL! Drink | Nose > Keyboard! RT @jay_lake “Do you know of the water of life?” “Uh, I use rubber sheets. It’s ok.” #watchingDune
Oooh! Sting! W00t!!!! No winged jockstrap yet, though. #watchingDune
“I have been instructed to tell you of the plan to overenunciate our lines in this script!” #watchingDune
“He who controls the Spice controls the Universe!!” He who spits the farthest when he talks controls House Harkonnen! #watchingDune
Oooh, flying homicidal fat man! Notify air traffic control. #watchingDune
I’ll get you Paul Atreidies, and your father’s little dog too! #pugpunk #watchingDune
That’s not a spaceship, that’s architecture. #watchingDune
Unclear on the concept: “Folding space. Traveling without moving.” IN my country, we call that “Going nowhere.” #watchingDune
Dune – Like Tatooine but now with 50% fewer suns. #watchingDune
“I think [the Fremen] are the allies we seek.” Right, because there’s so many *other* people on Arrakis to work with. #watchingDune
RuthanneReid Snicker. RT @jay_lake: “I have been instructed to tell you of the plan to overenunciate our lines in this script!” #watchingDune
Max von Sydow vamping at Jurgen Prochnow. It’s like Batman fights Superman, only cooler and with German accents. #watchingDune
“Urine and feces are processed in the thigh pads.” Mmm, my legs are warm again. #watchingDune
Oh look, button tuck upholstery in our ornithopter. Where’s my ostrich feather hat? #watchingDune
“Why do [the worms] come?” “To protect their territory. They’re attracted by vibrations.” I know a few people like that… #watchingDune
“There are more enemy bodies coming for your inspection, Dr. Yueh.” “Please have them dressed in those wedding gowns.” #watchingDune
This ornithopter has no visible means of propulsion. The wings don’t do much. Spice must indeed be a mighty force. #watchingDune
The Mighty Sarlac emerges! No, wait, that’s a worm. #watchingDune
sraets @jay_lake ‘s #watchingDune tweets are hilarious. Need to re-watch that movie, one of these days.
We have antigrav technology. Let’s use it for…ceiling lamps! While the men move heavy furniture by hand! #watchingDune
“Excuse me, milday. The Harkonnens may have tampered with them… medically.” Is that what the kids are calling it today? #watchingDune
spiralshannon RT @jay_lake: We have antigrav technology. Let’s use it for…ceiling lamps! While the men move heavy furniture by hand! #watchingDune
charliejane RT @jay_lake: We have antigrav technology. Let’s use it for…ceiling lamps! While the men move heavy furniture by hand! #watchingDune
JRBooth RT @jay_lake: Max von Sydow vamping at Jurgen Prochnow. It’s like Batman fights Superman, only cooler and with German accents. #watchingDune
“I am the Shadout Mapes. The housekeeper.” Linda Hunt says that line like she’s one of the horsemen of the Apocalypse. #watchingDune
JRBooth Just so you know, @jay_lake , your #watchingDune Tweets are fantastic. I’ve never been more glad that movie is, what , 8 hrs. long?
avedevereux @jay_lake Those’ll be War, Dusting, Pestilence and Ironing, I imagine? #watchingDune
Harkonnen lighters look like the bastard love child of 2001′s Discovery and a Soviet-bloc sex toy. #watchingDune
Duke Leto commits classic horror movie error. Walks alone down a dark hall toward weird noise. Ever watch Friday the 13th? #watchingDune
Mr Weirdside RT @jay_lake: Harkonnen lighters look like the bastard love child of 2001′s Discovery and a Soviet-bloc sex toy. #watchingDune
“When you see the Baron, you’ll have a new poison gas tooth!” “Minty, dude, I always wanted one of *those*.” #watchingDune
Who knew that ninja dentistry was so easily done under field expedient conditions? #watchingDune
RT @davedevereux: Those’ll be War, Dusting, Pestilence and Ironing, I imagine? [Four Housekeepers of the Apocalypse] #watchingDune
SFReviewsnet @jay_lake invents live MSTweet3K while watching David Lynch’s Dune. #watchingDune
Patrick Stewart is rushing into battle armed with a burp gun and a pug dog. Combat in the future is very weird. #watchingDune
PManion @jay_lake What about the John Harrison version? Cheesier costumes, but more story development… #watchingDune
Now Dean Stockwell is crying for Argentina. #watchingDune
“I want to spit once on your head. Just some spittle on your face” Yeah, been on dates like that myself. #watchingDune
sraets RT @SFReviewsnet: @jay_lake invents live MSTweet3K while watching David Lynch’s Dune. #watchingDune
“I find many pleasures with you. It is perhaps better that you die in the innards of a worm.” All that and a bag of chips. #watchingDune
@ShellyRaeClift Is that what the kids are calling it on Dune? RT @jay_lake: “I find many pleasures with you. It is perhaps better that you die in…….”
@PManion Is that the Sci Fi channel production? #watchingDune
“You think you’ve defeated me?” Well, yes, actually, as you’re dying and I’m not. Any more questions? #watchingDune
Dig the reverse mohawks on the Harkonnen redshirts. Erm, redheads. #watchingDune
Jessica just convinced the escort to knife the pilot *in mid-air*. Methinks this is a failure of forward planning. #watchingDune
FJM: “Floating queer fat man with red hair and fewer pustules!” Everybody sing: “I’m walking on sunshine, and I feel good” #watchingDune
“He’s crying. He’s *crying*! What does that mean, Piter?” Evidence suggests terminal halitosis. Or maybe sad Duke is sad. #watchingDune
“I’ll never reach the safety of rock…. Maybe that small rock.” Plot contrivance bearing 123 degrees, 3 kilometers, sir. #watchingDune
PManion Jurgen Prochnow, Duke Leto, is now a Russian superbaddie on 24 this season. And Sting is a greybeard with a lute. @jay_lake #watchingDune
“Where are my feelings? I feel for no one.” [looks up] “The second moon.” Paul Atreides: Kwisatz Non Sequitur #watchingDune
He took a face from the ancient gallery and walked on down the hall. Father? Yes, son? I want to kill you. Dune: The Doors #watchingDune
This Harkonnen fetish for sending people to the desert to die lacks a certain amount of closure. Implausible deniability? #watchingDune
“We have entered a time when all will turn against us and seek our lives.” Or maybe you’re having a really bad hair day. #watchingDune
Worm attack! Annelids Gone Wild! #watchingDune
“A thumper!” No, I think that’s a Bambi, actually. #watchingDune
@whump Not yet, but soon, methinks. Plus we’ll have awesome deathstill action coming up. Bloody Marys for everyone! #watchingDune
How the hell do you get two syllables out of the word “tribe”? #watchingDune
“You shall both have sanctuary. Your water shall mingle with our water.” Just like summer camp! #watchingDune
“You shall be known as Usul, which is the strength of the base of the pillar.” Uh, isn’t that Fremen for “cock ring”? #watchingDune
Don’t they have evaporation issues with these open cisterns hidden in the sietches? #watchingDune
Red headed little people savaging a cow in bondage gear. Ok, this movie is *weird*. #watchingDune
Vlad Harkonnen and his nephew Rabban train for the Mad Scientist laugh-off. #watchingDune
W00t!!! Sting enters through fog, wearing his winged jockstrap, his recent anorexia and his gender-ambiguous smile. #watchingDune
We will now have a voiceover to explain difficult plot abstractions, & provide a convenient infodump. Plus fetus follies. #watchingDune
Oooh, BaronCam. Like Blair Witch Project, but in color, with more sadism. #watchingDune
MatchesMalone @jay_lake Must be the David Lynch version…. #watchingDune
Thufir Hawat is being given a bald cyborg cat which he must now milk for the antidote. With neon lights. #watchingDune
faraichideya also (listening to) @jay_lake tweeting about #watchingDune. Highly amusing.
@Book_Donkey Yes, a great deal. But this movie is so high camp it settled down and became a city-state of weird. #watchingDune
Pixelfish @jay_lake is #watchingDune so you don’t have to. (David Lynch version, I think, since he mentions Sting.)
FJM: “How did we get to the love scene? And why are they drowning? I missed something.” Me: “The movie missed something.” #watchingDune
Why is the control for the wrist-mounted sonic blaster strapped to Paul’s neck? Poor human interface design. #watchingDune
“Through sound and motion, you will be able to paralyze nerves, [&] set fires” Lactose intolerance does that to me, too. #watchingDune
zentinal I so, so, preferred the sci-fi version to Lynch’s, as much as I love David Lynch. @jay_lake #watchingDune
blu3ph03n1x @jay_lake‘s #watchingDune tweet summaries are far more fun than the actual movie. Except not actually seeing Sting in his winged jockstrap.
[to be clear, I *love* this movie, even in its glorious ridiculousness] #watchingDune
Paul Atriedes mounts the giant sandworm armed with only a snowshovel. I’ve had dates like that, too. #watchingDune
What the hell is Stilgar anointing the warriors of Paul’s guard with? Ketchup? Blood? Manhattan clam chowder? #watchingDune
chr0me After seeing many RTs of @jay_lake‘s #watchingDune posts, I went an peeked. They are hilarious. Go look.
If I had to hang around with Rabban, I’d wear a full face visor, too. #watchingDune
PManion The “wierding modules” of the movie are not from the book. Illogical term, combining mysticism and technology. #watchingDune @jay_lake
FJM: “God, it’s like Charlie’s Angels in the desert.” Jay: :: dies of the loff :: #watchingDune
Patrick Stewart lost the pug, grew a ponytail. FJM: “I think that’s the first bit of acting we’ve seen the whole movie.” #watchingDune
“Restore spice production, or you will live out your life in a pain amplifier.” Um, is there a Plan B? #watchingDune
Oh my god, that’s Sean Young. I’m having total Bladerunner flashbacks, big time. Do androids dream of electric worms? #watchingDune
FJM: “Desert bondage! It’s a roping workshop!” Damn, they are going to get sand *everywhere*. Itchy… #watchingDune
All the Bene Gesserit have bloody noses at once. That’s some unified nasal theory in action. #watchingDune
[really, someone needs to take my keyboard away when I'm on the chemo pump] #watchingDune
Somehow I do find Sean Young unconvincing as a Buddhislamic Zensunni wanderer. Or am I misremembering the books? #watchingDune
Oh, look, Padishah Emperor Shaddam IV rolls in a solid gold spaceship. How does that do on re-entry? Pimp my lander! #watchingDune
“Stilgar. Do we have wormsign?” “Usul, we have wormsign…” Some antibiotics ought to clear that right up, boys. #watchingDune
“Bring in that floating fat man. The Baron.” Oh, right, because we weren’t sure *which* floating fat man you meant, sire. #watchingDune
“Get out of my mind!” “Not until you tell them both who I really am.” Damien in drag? #watchingDune
“Now! The atomics!” Right. Because nothing improves a tense standoff like nuclear weapons! #watchingDune
So, Gurney. What *did* you do with the Duke’s pug? Was it delicious? #watchingDune
“Release the Sardaukar. Baron, give this little abomination to the storm.” Tactical geniuses, one and all… #watchingDune
Giant sandworm laughs at your puny human energy weapons. Mua hah hah. #watchingDune
CLNorman Reading @jay_lake ‘s tweets on #watchingDune is making me want to go watch it again. It seems much funnier through his eyes.
winnie3k @jay_lake I always wondered what happened to the pug, myself. Are you watching the director’s cut? #watchingDune
@winnie3k Sadly, no, Blockbuster only had the shorter theatrical release. May have to buy Director’s Cut… #watchingDune
PManion The little abomination (Alicia Witt) later grew up to be Cybill’s TV daughter. #watchingDune @jay_lake
Alia just gom jabbar’ed the Baron. Flying fat man is now in full meltdown, hurling into the guts of the Mighty Sarlac. #watchingDune
Defeated emperor is defeated. Defeated Sting is too proud to acknowledge his defeat. #watchingDune
Paul: “I can kill with a word!” Reverend Mohiam: SCREAM SCREAM SCREAM. Oh, do that again, young man… #watchingDune
“I will bend like a reed in the wind.” The reed just left his knife in Sting’s throat. Hell of a wind that blew. #watchingDune
“Muad’Dib had now become the hand of god.” It is unrecorded who became the foot of god. #watchingDune
Raining in Arrakeen, the city with no storm drains. And that’s the end of the movie. Thanks for listening, folks. #watchingDune
PManion The foot of God stomps on the Monty Python opening credits. @jay_lake #watchingDune
saycestsay RT @jay_lake: Red headed little people savaging a cow in bondage gear. Ok, this movie is *weird*. #watchingDune
saycestsay RT @jay_lake: RT @davedevereux: Those’ll be War, Dusting, Pestilence and Ironing, I imagine? [Four Housekeepers of the Apocalypse] #watchingDune
jillesta Thoroughly enjoying the snark. Thanks for sharing. @jay_lake #watchingDune
SooGuy68 @jay_lake just logged onto twitter and read backwards through your #watchingDune tweets. Awesome snark on rewind. Awe no Time Bandits!
winnig I want @jay_lake to do a new DVD commentary track for Dune. Hell, let’s give him StarWars…. #watchingDune
Tags: Cancer, Funny, health, Movies
Posted: 4:52 pm Sat February 20 2010 | Comments(1) |
[movies] My obligatory Avatar review
Here’s my Twitter review of Avatar from yesterday:
Need to post an Avatar review, but in sum: “magic honky” criticism is valid but overstated, the effects are paradigm shattering. Go see.
On reflection, that mostly speaks for itself. I don’t feel a need to amplify those points much if at all, except to say, go see the damned movie on the big screen. In 3D if possible. If you’re any kind of cinemaphile or media fan, you’ll regret it in years to come if you don’t.
A few other (mostly non-spoileriffic) comments…
James Cameron got the grammar and form of 3D right. This is the first time I’ve ever seen a movie in 3D that didn’t feel like a stunt. Some scenes in this movie triggered severe vertigo in me, the sense of depth was realistic. (That’s a plus, by the way, in case you were wondering.) That alone makes Avatar worth seeing, if you find filmmaking trends interesting.
The renderings were incredible. I think Cameron has bridged the Uncanny Valley with his Na’vi, but it runs much deeper and more detailed than that. The gums of the jaws of the forest animals, for example. I could watch this movie half a dozen times just to track the different sets of details.
Yes, the plot is stock, bordering on fatuous, with a shot of magic honkydom. But it’s serviceable, and given all the other things this movie is trying to do, a serviceable plot was probably a better choice than something subtle and sophisticated. I say this as someone who is normally very focused on screenwriting and plotting as part of the movie experience.
By the same token, I could spend some time whining about world building and SFnal gaffes of various sorts. I may in fact make a future post about what bothered me. But as with the plot, that’s not the point of this movie, and I’m willing to accept some stock SFnal cliches in service of such an immensely immersive and captivating movie experience. Like the plot, the SF worldbuilding could have been handled (much) better, but the SFnal elements did what they needed to do.
However, I’m betting the same stock approach to many of the moviemaking elements will keep Avatar from being another Star Wars. The two films have a lot in common, including the high likelihood that Avatar will be a seminal moment in a new era of moviemaking. But the sheer, raw fan appeal of Star Wars was drive both by the Campbellian appeal of the Akira Kurosawa story (cf The Hidden Fortress) and the broadly accessible archetypes of the ensemble cast. Between Luke, Leia, Han, Obi-Wan, even Chewie and the droids, there was someone in Star Wars for almost everyone to identify strongly with. Avatar is more emotionally remote in that sense, and I don’t think it will generate the same level of fan loyalty. I do, however, predict a strong future in Na’vi fetishism and all that entails on the seamy underbelly of the Internet.
All in all, even with the obvious and not-so-obvious flaws, if cinema is an important part of your entertainment life and cultural experience, go see Avatar in the theatre. Several times, if possible. It really does bear up under the weight of expectations.
Tags: craft, Culture, Movies, reviews, Writing
Posted: 5:59 am Tue December 29 2009 | Comments(0) |
[movies] A bit more on District 9, which I highly recommend
Saturday, and I went to see District 9. It was engaging, entertaining, thought provoking and hyperviolent. It was also my favorite SF film of recent times, possibly years.
Most of my observations on the movie would echo this excellent review by Howard Waldrop and Lawrence Person, so I’m just going to link through rather than largely repeating what they said.
Beyond their comments, I want to focus on a few things. First, District 9 tapped deep into my ‘suspension of disbelief’ vein. Not many movies do that to me any more. My internal editor is always on, always analyzing story, structure, technique, continuity, dialog; whether I’m reading a book, watching a movie, or, in many cases, simply experiencing real life. I suspect part of this was the pseudodocumentary format, which was incredibly well-effected, at least to my taste, and blended smoothly into the direct action scenes as the movie progressed. That alone is a huge win for me as a viewer. Obviously, this criterion is idiosyncratic, in that I can’t know whether your viewing process is analogous to mine, but basically, I’m a picky mofo, and this movie disarmed my picky.
Second, as said, it was great to see an alien invasion movie that picked up years after the fact. Everyone’s long since gotten so used to the starship overhead that it’s just landscape. (Which, on sober reflection, is a huge plot hole, but I’ll let Howard and Lawrence’s analysis address that — it worked for both us as we watched the film.) This is science fiction embedded in contemporary history, a conceit which the pseudocumentary format played directly in to. There was a level of believability to it that was far more natural than most SF films can engage.
Third, the character arcs impressed me considerably. In the early stages of the film, the human characters are presented as, if not sympathetic, at least comprehensible, while the aliens are little better than random monsters. By the end of the film, the aliens have been humanized in some very touching ways, while the humans have become monstrous, fusing the banality of evil with stereotypical corporate greed. That reversal was accomplished so smoothly that I didn’t understand it until later reflection.
Finally, I’m not sure this film could have been made outside South Africa. As others have pointed out, District 9 is very self-consciously a fable of apartheid. For me, that worked well; for some viewers, it’s intrusive to the point of complete distraction. As the case may be, the origins of this film lend an authenticity to the subject matter which I found fascinating.
Is there a lot to complain about? Sure. Could this have been a better movie? Absolutely. Was I completely taken in by the movie I saw? More than, and for that reason alone, I highly recommend it.
Tags: Calendula, Movies, reviews
Posted: 4:00 pm Mon September 07 2009 | Comments(1) |