Jay Lake: Writer

[writing] To fail well…

I had planned to have Endurance out to first readers by today. I’m perhaps 90 minutes short of being ready to send the manuscript off, but am simply out of gas. Nonetheless, I got an astonishing four hours of work done today, an hour and a half around 3 am, and the balance since knocking off the Day Jobbe. I’ve been hammering at this book through chemo. calendula_witch has read it and assures me I’m not full of cobwebs. Tomorrow it will be away.

Then I’ll turn quickly to write out my preliminary draft of the outline for Kalimpura. The third Green book is burgeoning in my mind. I won’t start drafting it until I’ve done final revisions on Endurance for Tor, but still, that should be around May or June.

Feeling pretty good about this, for all that I failed to meet my original deadline for first readers.

Tags: Books, Calendula, Cancer, Endurance, health, Kalimpura, Writing

Posted: 6:04 pm Mon March 08 2010 | Comments(0) |

[cancer|writing] Side effects updatery, and I nearly have book

Weighed in at 234.2 pounds this morning. That’s the heaviest I’ve been in almost two years. While on chemo.

Except, in a sense, I’m briefly off chemo. Moving infusion session five back a week so I could go to Rain Forest Writers Village means my body has enjoyed significantly reduced levels of side effects. (Other than the endless fatigue, drat it.) But I’ve been eating like a chemo patient, including adding in milkshakes lately due to my continued mouth distress. (Which is also ongoing.) That probably adds 500 to 1,000 calories every day I have one. Which of course reminds me why I stopped consuming them in the first place.

At any rate, I go back on the needle in four days, so I’m not going to sweat it. calendula_witch departs this morning, quite soon in fact. She’ll be back for session six in two and a half weeks. shelly_rae arrives on Friday to help me make it through the weekend on the pump. Life is normal, in other words.

Also, woke up at 3 am (again), put in some time on Endurance, including processing calendula_witch’s feedback and edits. She heroically finished them last night after I went to sleep. My intention is to get the book out to first readers this evening, but I may slip a day. Bonus round: in the car on the way home yesterday, we talked out Kalimpura, and I am ready to write the first draft of the book’s outline now. Such timing, eh?

Meanwhile, I have a very sleepy witch to wake up shortly and take to the airport.

Tags: Books, Calendula, Cancer, Conventions, Endurance, health, Kalimpura, Personal, shellyrae, Travel, Writing

Posted: 4:46 am Mon March 08 2010 | Comments(0) |

[cancer] Hair

Well, well, well.

Will Shetterly hath cut his hair off, in part in solidarity with me.

klages hath auctioned my hair off at Potlatch, with a graceful and loving introduction from shelly_rae and an auctioneering assist from davidlevine. (Photo by scarlettina.)

klages then auctioned her own hair off in solidarity with me and in support of Clarion West. It was then shorn on the spot for the lucky winner. (Photo by shelly_rae.)

kenscholes has said he’ll shave his if bravado111 will shave his.

calendula_witch has volunteered to keep hers so I’ll have something to play with.

You people are magnificent, all of you.

Tags: Calendula, Cancer, Conventions, health, Personal, shellyrae

Posted: 10:48 am Sun March 07 2010 | Comments(2) |

[conventions] Rain Forest Writers Village Day 2

Life in the rain forest continues apace. As shelly_rae pointed out, I’m farther from the infusion than I’ve ever been, due to the skip week. Some issues, like nonstop fatigue, still pertain. Other side effects have grown mild or disappeared. It’s a vacation from hell, basically.

Worked again yesterday, as I don’t have any paid time off left that I haven’t already budgeted for other purposes such as chemo and the Australia/New Zealand trip. That went well enough. At 3 pm, right after quitting time, I led a session on Writing Through Adversity. That seemed to go over fairly good order. A nap, dinner later, then a book party in the lounge. I stayed up very late for me, almost til 9 pm. That was rough.

Various bits of good news in my inbox lately, most of it not yet announceable, but I’m happy. I am also officially car shopping to replace the current Genre car due to some unavoidable issues that are not worth fixing. Looking at rather used BMW convertibles at the moment.

This morning I was up stupid early, even with the late bedtime, so I had a nice long Skype with shelly_rae. We’ve managed to miss each other a lot lately due to an infelicity of scheduling, so it was good to catch up. Then back to oh-so-gently pry calendula_witch from her dreams of houses and my anger, after which we essayed one of the trails here, complete with several hundred feet of elevation. I fell twice, overextending my back the second time. This is very unlike me, which tells me I need to stay on better surfaces until I recover my kinesthetic sense in, oh, July or August.

I have also determined that I am planning to keep my head shaven or nearly so until post-chemo, because I want to get a scalp tattoo. I can’t do the needles-and-blood thing before then. Tattoo will be a 3″ or 4″ biohazard symbol, with “FUCK CANCER”. Because it will always be there, even after I have waist-length blonde hair again someday.

Meanwhile, it’s time to write. Are you writing today?

Tags: Books, Calendula, Cancer, cars, Conventions, Personal, shellyrae, Washington, Writing

Posted: 8:55 am Sat March 06 2010 | Comments(2) |

[conventions] Rain Forest Writers Workshop, Day 1

Having a lovely time here at the Rain Forest Writers Village. calendula_witch and I have a nice cabin with a lake view. We meet, as always, in the lounge. This morning I was up early enough to meet the least of the night owls heading out, in this case tbclone47 and mikigal. Dinner last night with jimvanpelt and jennifer_brozek, with kibitzery by kenscholes and criada, as well as various other folks.

I am really enjoying seeing lots of old friends and new here. bravado111, brendacooper, and so many more. Given the social isolation imposed by chemo, this is a huge mental and emotional vacation for me. Due to the chemo as well, I didn’t have the time to take off from the Day Jobbe, so I’m working it these first two days, which is keeping my writing time down to about an hour a day. I’m planning to spend a lot more time writing tomorrow, and some Sunday morning before we all bail out for our respective homes. I am giving a presentation this afternoon on writing through adversity.

Endurance continues apace. Yesterday I got through all the plot note issues, and now have a readable draft. I hope to conclude one more deep read this weekend (I started it this morning) before sending it out to first readers on Sunday or Monday.

So, all good. I am happy we came.

Tags: Books, Calendula, Cancer, Conventions, Endurance, health, Personal, Writing

Posted: 5:47 am Fri March 05 2010 | Comments(0) |

[conventions] At Rain Forest Writers Workshop

At Rain Forest safely, at Lake Quinalt in the beautiful Olympic Peninsula. calendula_witch drove, thank Ghu. Hard physical crash last night, followed later by a totally pointless emotional crash that was difficult for both of us. Ah, the joys of chemo. Day jobbery and logistical issues are robbing me of time this morning, so expect continued light blogging as Link Salad takes a vacation day.

Tags: Calendula, Conventions, Personal, Washington, work

Posted: 4:58 am Thu March 04 2010 | Comments(0) |

[books] My one and only public appearance between now and September

I will be reading and signing Pinion immediately after its March 30th release date at Powell’s Cedar Hills Crossing on Thursday, April 1st, at 7 pm. Thanks to chemo and its discontents, this is my sole promotional event for the book. It’s a one-stop book tour!

This will also be my one and only public appearance this year until calendula_witch and I go to Au Contraire in New Zealand and AussieCon 4 in Australia at the end of the summer. My next public appearance here in the US will be the Seattle-area convention Foolscap in the fall.

So if you’d like to get my latest novel hot off the press, listen to me read, or have anything signed, mark your calendars now for April 1st. If you just want to show up and support me in my cancer battle, that would be a delight, too. It would please me to no end to fill the place. I look forward to seeing some, all or none of you there.

Tags: Australia, Books, Calendula, Conventions, Foolscap, New Zealand, Pinion, Portland, Seattle, Writing

Posted: 4:03 pm Mon March 01 2010 | Comments(0) |

[cancer] More on the mouth; and my hair, oh my hair

Oh, the joys of chemo. My oncology clinic advises me that the problems in my mouth are likely persistent and may be continuous through the rest of my chemo cycle. In other words, til the end of June. They are prescribing “magic mouthwash”, recommended to me by both shelly_rae and my pharmacist, which is an unlikely-sounding cocktail of Lidocaine, Benadryl and Maalox. Lidocaine numbs the pain, Bendaryl soothes the inflammation, and Maalox apparently binds it all together and coats the tissues so active ingredients can stick around inside the mouth long enough to have some effect.

I can’t wait to see what this tastes like.

At any rate, I should be able to pick some up before departing for Rain Forest on Wednesday with calendula_witch. At the moment, my diet is pretty damned limited by the fact that I can’t put anything besides mush in my mouth without being sorry, so I look forward to the improvement. Even if everything does taste like Maalox from now on.

In other news, brushing my hair after my shower this morning I realized I could see most of my scalp. The thinning has progressed to the point where I’m starting to look like one of those combover people. My choices are clear: to start wearing brown jumpsuits and aviator frame glasses, or cut it all off. So the hair is coming off. Because I can’t freaking stand this.

If it was up to me, I’d take it off tomorrow, but calendula_witch and shelly_rae would have to take numbers and stand in line to kill me for doing it so abruptly. I’ll deal with it next week after Rain Forest Writers Workshop. Probably can’t go full shave, for reasons of safety (I cannot afford a nicked scalp), but I will have short hair for the first time in a decade.

And yes, I have a funny-shaped head. Why do you ask?

Stay tuned for details. I might make a party of the shaving off.

Tags: Calendula, Cancer, Conventions, health, Personal, shellyrae

Posted: 3:51 pm Mon March 01 2010 | Comments(2) |

[cancer] The transient illusion of competency

Couple of mildly discouraging things today. (No, I’m not depressed about any of this, just mildly discouraged.) While at lunch with garyomaha and elusivem, the cashier somewha visibly older than me asked me if I qualified for the senior discount. I’m forty-five years old, people. I don’t know if it was the gray in my beard, or the general wearing down of chemo, or what. I told her, “I”m not old, just tired.”

After Day Jobbery, I went to Albertson’s by myself. I don’t much do this any more. My friends and family do my shopping for the most part, and when I do go by the store, it’s with someone. I needed a few things, and figured midafternoon would easy. I went over there with a four item list. It took me forty-five minutes to get through the store. The large, complex space was confusing to me, and even the fairly light number of shoppers felt like far too many for my comfort. I came home with four bags of stuff, half of which I’m now looking at in mild wonderment, while getting through the self-service checkout was a nightmare for me. (I would have stood in the full service line, but that was 20 minutes of waiting behind several gigantically full baskets at each open register.) The self-service cashier took pity on me and helped me get sorted out after the register kept trying to scan and weigh my man-purse despite my best efforts to the contrary.

You know, I used to be able to go to the grocery store, shop for ten minutes, and come home without mishap. This underscores to me that my “zone” has become very narrow. By myself I can handle the post office, the pharmacy, the gas station, Blockbuster, and a very limited selection of restaurants, mostly where I already know the staff. Almost everything else I do, I do with calendula_witch or shelly_rae or one of my parents, or another friend. I’ve been chalking that up to energy management, which is very real, but somewhere along the line, I’ve begun to lose my ability to simple, ordinary things.

This doesn’t actually surprise me. It’s no different from not doing my own laundry and dishes any more, really. It just…disappoints.

I shall console myself with Tweetsnarking The Fifth Element here shortly. And laying low at home for the rest of the day, doing nothing important whatsoever.

Tags: Calendula, Cancer, family, health, Movies, Personal, shellyrae

Posted: 3:19 pm Fri February 26 2010 | Comments(0) |

[writing] A story, this morning

Right brain woke me up at 3 am (after seven hours’ sleep, so this was okay) and demanded to write a story. The idea was an offshoot of a conversation between calendula_witch and I yesterday. So from 3 to 5 am, I wrote 3,500 words and finished a draft of “Her Fingers Like Whips, Her Eyes Like Razors”, a story about cancer and faerie. Gee, much on my mind?

The part I’m happiest about is this is only the second time I’ve tried to write from scratch since the surgery in November. Gotten a lot of productive revision and rewriting done, but that’s a different process for me. I have no idea if this piece is any good, I’ll let my first readers tell me that.

But damn me, I wrote something. And I feel good about it. Fuck cancer.

Tags: Calendula, Cancer, health, Personal, stories, Writing

Posted: 5:52 am Tue February 23 2010 | Comments(5) |