Jay Lake: Writer

[cancer] Still with the spoons, plus a bit of unrelated dreaming

The first thing I want to say is that I continue to feel much better these days. My bounceback from this last round of chemotherapy is progressing much more swiftly and smoothly than it did from my 2010 chemo series. My mental energy is very nearly 100%, and at least up to a point, my physical energy is strong. I sleep well, get things done during the day (including basic housework etc. — which was impossible for me for months), am productive in my writing and have the time, energy and focus to parent the_child.

But still with the spoons… Some days I wipe out early and sleep long. As happened yesterday. It’s tied to how much I’ve done that day, and fairly specifically to how much driving I’ve done. For example, yesterday I had lunch with a friend on the southwest end of Portland (far from Nuevo Rancho Lake), then yesterday evening I drove the_child up to northeast part of town (also reasonably far from Nuevo Rancho Lake) for a long, late session with her eighth grade project mentor. By the time I got home around 7:45 I was staggeringly tired, and I was lights out at 8:15.

I’m not sure if the driving is the specific factor that exhausts me, or if it is just a proxy for my overall level of activity. Days when I stay home and lay low, I can stay up til 10:00 or so, sleep six or seven hours, and be fine. This is pretty close to my ordinary behavior when I am at baseline health. Days when I am out and about look a lot more like yesterday, with noticeable fatigue, early bedtimes and hard sleep.

And of course, because I feel fine, I rarely remember to take this fatigue into account. It’s not like while I was on chemo, when every spoon spent was painfully obvious. (For more on spoons, see here: [ jlake.com | LiveJournal ].) So I barrel through the days as if I’m healthy, then have a wipe out lottery in the evenings.

Still, a vast improvement. Still, annoying.

And on an unrelated note, last night I dreamt I was at a big potluck picnic with, among other people, daviddlevine. At one point I approached a cold case someone had set up filled with desserts. (It suspiciously resembled the dessert case at the Sellwood location of Papa Haydn’s.) Except that one of the items on display was a sort of box made of head cheese with pickled jalapeno inclusions among the organ meats. Small items of patisserie were in various compartments of the head cheese box. I could not even begin to imagine the point of that presentation, and was fairly grossed out about it.

Ah, my dreaming mind, such a lovely landscape it is.

Tags: Cancer, Child, dreams, Food, health, Personal, Portland

Posted: 6:40 am Wed February 08 2012 | Comments(0) |

[links] Link salad wonders where the week is going

Westward Weird came out yesterday — I have a story therein, “The Temptation of Eustace Prudence McAllen”, first in the doc, which is a nice position. Various of my co-authors have commented on the anthology and their stories, including Seanan McGuire, Dean Wesley Smith, and Steven Saus.

Próba Kwiatów – Jay Lake — A mixed review, in Polish, of the Polish edition of my novel Trial of Flowers.

SF in SF — Just a reminder that this coming Saturday, 2/11, I will be at SF in SF with K.W. Jeter and Rudy Rucker. If you’re in the Bay Area, come on down.

10 Tips on Writing from David Ogilvy — He’s talking about ad copy, not fiction, but this is still interesting and worthwhile stuff. (Via Curiosity Counts.)

Kill the Local News — Writer Jeremy Tolbert on sensationalism.

Mindful Eating as Food for Thought

Scale of the Universe — Another fun take on the “powers of 10″ meme. (Snurched from Steve Buchheit.)

What did people do: in a Medieval City? — (Via danjite.)

Self-Cloning Seagrass May Be World’s Oldest Living Thing

Mars-bound NASA rover carries coin for camera checkup — This is cool and kind of poetic.

Mapping the Road Ahead for Autonomous Cars

Turing’s Enduring Importance — The path computing has taken wasn’t inevitable. Even today’s machines rely on a seminal insight from the scientist who cracked Nazi Germany’s codes. An interesting article, although I wish in mentioning his suicide it had acknowledged the disgusting way Turing was treated by his own people.

The State of Gay Marriage — Being a handy map to show you where bigotry has triumphed, and where respect for basic human rights is gaining ground.

The Single Most Powerful Quote From California’s Prop 8 Ruling — “Proposition 8 serves no purpose, and has no effect, other than to lessen the status and human dignity of gays and lesbians in California, and to officially reclassify their relationships and families as inferior to those of opposite-sex couples.” Like opposition to interracial marriage forty years ago, Prop 8 is bigotry, pure and simple, a combination of narrow-minded religious privilege and typically unfounded conservative alarmism. Like opposition to interracial marriage today, forty years from now people will be ashamed to admit in public what they once voted and for and believed.

The Business Case Against Karen Handel — John Scalzi with a very sensible take on the (surprising to me) resignation of Karen Handel from the Susan G. Komen foundation. For my own part, I’ll observe that as usual when the Right tries strong-arm tactics, they only see unfairness when they get caught out.

Planned Parenthood’s Deep Bench — Ta-Nehisi Coates with some interesting thoughts on the fight that Komen picked when they decided to show their true conservative colors.

Why the Energy-Industrial Elite Has It In for the Planet — Social and political commentary on the funding impetus behind the intellectual fraud of climate change denial.

Jesus versus the GOP — The man from Nazareth would have been appalled by the “Christian” Republican candidates. The only thing I have to say to political Christianists is “Matthew 6:6“.

‘We the People’ Loses Appeal With People Around the World — The declining influence of the US Constitution overseas.

Republicans Finally Realize They’re Helping Obama — Like their counterparts from 16 years before, Republicans took control of the House of Representatives last year filled with revolutionary zeal, assuming that they could leverage their hold over one branch of Congress into sweeping changes in the national agenda. And like their predecessors, they blundered into high-profile confrontations with a Democratic president and suffered prolonged and deep damage in their public standing, with each new defeat slowly leeching the fanatical determination out of them.

Santorum Upsets G.O.P. Race With Three Victories — I really can’t decide who would be the bigger disaster for this country, Senator Frothy Mix or Governor 1%. Our last Republican president set an extremely low bar for destructive incompetence, something the GOP electorate seems to have very conveniently forgotten.

?otd: How was your Tuesday?

2/8/2012
Writing time yesterday: 2.0 hours (Sunspin revisions)
Body movement: 30 minute stationary bike ride
Hours slept: 8.25 (solid)
Weight: 230.8
Currently reading: n/a (between books)

Tags: Books, Cancer, cars, climate, Conventions, Cool, Culture, Food, games, gay, gender, Links, Personal, Politics, Process, Religion, reviews, Science, sex, stories, Tech, Trial, Writing

Posted: 6:24 am Wed February 08 2012 | Comments(0) |

[links] Link salad awakens with slow reluctance

In case you missed it over the weekend, my new cancer tattoo: [ jlake.com | LiveJournal ] — Yes, on the back of my skull.

Christopher Walken reads Where The Wild Things Are

Antarctica – Fantastical World without Borders — An Antarctica travelog, relevant to one of my future projects. (Via bravado111.)

Avería: The Average Font — Interpolative typography. Huh. Fascinating. (Thanks to kshandra.)

Washington Park: 1907 — Detroit’s “moon towers”, as depicted here, later were sold to the City of Austin, where most of them still survive.

One’s A Crowd — The trend toward living alone?

garyomaha on working lunches, or not

Neurocinematic comparison of monkeys and humans — Spaghetti western reveals differences between human and monkey brain. Mmm, neurocinematic. I loved this bit: Like most other films, The Good, the Bad and the Ugly is a complex multisensory stimulus, filled with rich, operatic imagery and, of course, Ennio Morricone’s unforgettable score. It is, however, fairly safe to assume that humans and monkeys will interpret the film quite differently. (Via danjite.)

Path Is Found for the Spread of Alzheimer’s — The headline is slightly misleading, as the story refers to Alzheimer’s progression within an individual rather than to transmission between individuals. Interesting stuff.

The Komen Controversy: Planned Parenthood Claims a New Kind of Victory in the Culture War — I am baffled by the conservative charge that Planned Parenthood “bullied” Komen. What is the Right’s treatment of Planned Parenthood but bullying, if you want to frame it in those terms? More to the point, for decades the entire forced pregnancy movement is about bullying desperate, vulnerable young women and their medical providers. What else is a clinic blockade or a doctor target list but sheer, awful bullying in the name of what? The god of love? Decency? Conservative bigotry and “morals”? Can you imagine the reaction if liberal-progressives blockaded churches and targeted pastors? Project much, guys? The Right can dish it out, but they can’t take it.

A Puritan’s ‘war against religion’ — Roger Williams, the Puritan who founded Rhode Island, insisted on the state refraining from intervening in the relationship between humans and God. Freedom of religion absolutely means freedom from religion. That is the best protection any church has against persecution. Despite the modern GOP interpretation, freedom of religion doesn’t mean the freedom to exercise oppressive bigotry, narrow-minded judgmenentalism, or tear down educational and cultural standards in favor of silly mythmaking.

ericjamesstone points out that I am wrong in characterizing Romney as saying he won’t have a Muslim in his cabinet — This in connection to my comment that I thought making an issue of Romney’ religion was a red herring, until he made an issue of Islam as a religion. Speaking as an atheist, there is nothing more or less at issue with Romney’s LDS membership than there is with Newt’s Catholicism or Clinton’s Southern Baptist faith. To me, the religion of the candidates would only be an issue if there were a straightforward atheist running on a major party ticket. Which won’t likely happen in my lifetime…

Senate GOP: Activist Federal Judges Wanted — The hypocrisy of a group of Republicans who are supporting the lawsuit against Obama’s recess appointments. Republicans being hypocritical? That’s as inconceivable as the idea of Newt Gingrich cheating on his wife.

The true conservative alternative: Ron Paul? — It’s sad that conservatism has become a race to the bottom to display the most ignorance, bigotry and sheer foolishness.

?otd: Dream much??

2/6/2012
Writing time yesterday: 5.5 hours (Sunspin revisions)
Body movement: 30 minute stationary bike ride
Hours slept: 7.5 (solid)
Weight: 229.4
Currently reading: The Man in the Moone, and Other Lunar Fantasies ed. Faith Pizor

Tags: Antarctica, Art, Books, Cancer, Culture, gender, healthcare, Links, Movies, Personal, Politics, Publishing, Religion, scorner, Tech, Texas, Videos, work

Posted: 6:29 am Mon February 06 2012 | Comments(0) |

[cancer|photos] Tattooing my scalp

Yesterday I went back to see artist Eric S. Quale at Sea Tramp Tattoo. It’s only been a week since I got my wrist tattoos updated. This time I was getting my head tattooed.

I wanted “If you can read this, I have cancer again.” on the back of my head, where it would be covered up as my hair grew in once more. That way, the tattoo will be a marker if I have to do a third round of chemotherapy and lose my hair again. Otherwise it will be a crypto-tattoo, hidden by the hair that is a marker of my health and a signal of my self-image.

I’d been being a wimp about the pain, but in talking to my therapist a few days ago, I realized it was important to me to flip the bird to cancer in a big way. Instead I cheated, apply some EMLA to my scalp (topical anesthetic cream) and popping a Lorazepam to mellow me out. Also, at the last minute, I added one of each of my wrist symbols to the tattoo — the zodiacal sign for cancer, symbolizing my surgeries; and the biohazard glyph, symbolizing my chemotherapies.

mlerules and her friend E— took me in, as with a Lorazepam on board I wasn’t fit to drive, and besides which, I needed someone to do photo documentation. Here’s how it all went down….

Saran wrap to protect the EMLA on my scalp

The art for the tattoo — Note the symbols matching those on my wrist

Eric S. Quale at work on me

A closer shot of the same thing

Me showing off the finished product, note the tattoos on my left wrist

A close up view of the finished product

As usual, more at the Flickr set.

Photos © 2012, Joseph E. Lake, Jr. and Emily Siskin

This work by Joseph E. Lake, Jr. and Emily Siskin is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 3.0 United States License.

Tags: Art, Cancer, friends, health, Photos

Posted: 8:15 am Sat February 04 2012 | Comments(1) |

[links] Link salad watches the Child hit the boards

Skungy Art. “Surfing the Gnarl.” Read Feb 7, Feb 11. — Rudy Rucker on (among other things) the February 11th reading in San Francisco, where K.W. Jeter and I will be sharing the stage with him.

Author C.J. Marsicano is running a Kickstarter campaign to get a book out — Go check it out.

Penguin Further Narrows Library Access, Suspending Availability of Audiobook Titles — Hmmm. (Via danjite.)

25 Things I Learned From Opening a Bookstore — (Via willyumtx.)

The Hill Approach — Seth Godin on creativity.

The Story of a Suicide — Two college roommates, a webcam, and a tragedy. Tyler Clementi and Dharun Ravi.

Brains may be wired for addiction

Blood test accurately distinguishes depressed patients from healthy controls — Interesting. (Via @jackwilliambell.)

The Secret of Ant Transportation Networks — Just how ants create the highly efficient network of trails around their nests has never been fully understood. Now researchers think they’ve cracked it.

With Risk, Japanese City Takes On Once Accepted Fact of Life: Its Gangsters

Restored Edison Records Revive Giants of 19th-Century Germany — Talk about your obsolete formats… (Via my Dad.)

A case study of the tactics of climate change denial — But notice what he’s done. He’s taken what is clearly a minor point and blown it up as if it’s my main point. He’s used shady words (predictions, models) to cast aspersions, and to make someone (me!) look bad. Then, by “refuting” this minor issue he can then poison the well, strongly implying that all my arguments are wrong. That’s kind of a big no-no when trying to argue a point. But it packages well. A pretty neat summation of typically wrong-headed conservative discourse on a lot of issues.

Happy days are here again — Roger Ebert on Newt, Mitt and the evolution of political party nominating conventions. Entertaining and interesting bit of history, regardless of where you fall on the political spectrum.

The Invincible Nobility Of The Middle Class — Ta-Nehisi Coates on a modern political meme promulgated by both major parties. But the implication of a middle-class patriotism holds that the poor do not work hard, and do not play by the rules. Their poverty is a moral stain. It’s rather sad to see ostensible progressives reinforcing this message.

The Politics of Cancer — This Komen-Planned Parenthood business is one of the more disgusting maneuvers on the part of the conservative movement. I am beyond appalled. Bluntly, the Right has made it clear that they find it preferable for poor women to die of cancer than have any potential access to abortion. A stark indictment of the forced pregnancy movement.

Romney: Context for me, but not for thee — Typical Republican. “Do as I say, not as I do.” Romney brags about mining Obama quotes deeply out context, but protests the unfairness when Gingrich does precisely the same thing to him.

Bush beats Obama’s deficit spending by 5 to 1, but Romney targets the wrong guy to whine about — Much easier to complain about a black Democrat that acknowledge the Republican party’s responsibility for its actions when last in power.

Mitt Speaks. Oh, No!

Blending politics and religion, Obama says his policies are an extension of Christian faith — Ok, I find this kind of thing alarming whether it comes from Republicans or Democrats. This is a secular nation in a secular world, and rational thought should be the basis of our governance.

?otd: What’s the last game you played?

2/3/2012
Writing time yesterday: 1.0 hours (Sunspin revisions)
Body movement: 30 minute stationary bike ride
Hours slept: 8.0 (solid)
Weight: 230.2
Currently reading: The Man in the Moone, and Other Lunar Fantasies ed. Faith Pizor

Tags: Books, Cancer, climate, Conventions, Culture, healthcare, Japan, Links, nature, Personal, Politics, Publishing, Religion, Science, Tech

Posted: 6:35 am Fri February 03 2012 | Comments(2) |

[links] Link salad joins the Center for the Easily Amused

Five Authors + Five Questions : Goals — Shimmer‘s blog on various writers on various issues. Including me.

Philip Glass on style

Darwin Day — Portland celebrates the Antichrist one of the heroes of modern science on February 12. (Via threeoutside.)

DNA Turning Human Story Into a Tell-All — Humans and Neanderthals and Denisovans, oh my. I especially liked this bit: [O]ur modern era, since H. floresiensis died out, is the only time in the four-million-year human history that just one type of human has been alive. (Thanks to Dad.)

Steampunk Pocket Watch Winds Via Solar Power — So to speak… Some neat lateral thinking here. (Via markbourne.)

Experts Build Crab-Like Robot to Remove Stomach Cancer — Huh. (Via danjite.)

How Neutrino Beams Could Reveal Cavities Inside Earth — Commander Laforge to the bridge.

Scientists close to entering Vostok, Antarctica’s biggest subglacial lake

Team to investigate underwater ‘UFO’ – is it sunken ships or Millennium Falcon? — Duh, of course it’s a life size replica of a completely fictional starship. At the bottom of the ocean.

Far side of the moon filmed by Nasa spacecraft — One whole face of the Moon can never be seen from Earth because it does not spin on its axis, meaning we always have a view of the same side. Umm… stupid much?

Bill legalizing same-sex marriage passes Washington state Senate — Someday fairly soon, opposition to gay marriage will have all the social panache and credibility as opposition to interracial marriage, and for much the same reason. This shameful bigotry will be the province of bitter, aging cranks, largely behind closed doors.

I Don’t Care About Your Invisible Jeebus — But from where I stand these days, the only thing I see religion doing in the public sector is gay bashing and telling women, mostly poor and desperate and in deplorable financial and personal situations, what to do with their bodies. I see busybodies deciding what drugs they can dispense to which customers, or deciding that they don’t have to issue a marriage license because of some petty deity that I don’t believe in told them to hate their fellow citizens and ignore the law.

Indiana Senate passes bill putting religion in science class — Conservative America: driving all our children deeper into ignorance every year. Yet another of the myriad reasons I can never be conservative, and honestly don’t understand how any thoughtful, self-aware person can be.

Teleprompters are stupid … only when Obama uses them — Ah, conservative “logic”.

The Conservative Backlash That Isn’t Coming — Some thoughts from conservative commentator Daniel Larison. I will observe that since no one in the GOP seems to remember the eight years of the Bush administration, preferring to blame the disastrous outcomes of his governing on conservative principles on Obama who inherited Bush’s mess, how could there be a backlash?

Have Democrats Succeeded in Pre-Destroying Romney? — A conservative leaning narrative complaining about the Democrats using the same tactics that have been so successful for the GOP these past decades.

?otd: Are you ever bored? Why?

2/2/2012
Writing time yesterday: 2.0 hours (Sunspin revisions)
Body movement: 30 minute stationary bike ride
Hours slept: 8.5 (solid)
Weight: 227.2
Currently reading: The Man in the Moone, and Other Lunar Fantasies ed. Faith Pizor

Tags: Cancer, Cool, Culture, Funny, gay, healthcare, Links, nature, Personal, Politics, Process, Religion, Science, steampunk, Tech, Washington, weird, Writing

Posted: 6:32 am Thu February 02 2012 | Comments(1) |

[cancer] Sometimes it’s like being back on chemo

I slept 9.75 hours last night. Was out visiting a friend yesterday evening when a wave of severe fatigue hit me, so I headed home, talked with the_child for a while, then went to bed early and slept late. Way late.

Thankfully, this is Sunday and I am not heavily committed. Some work time on Sunspin, several errands, some homework time with the_child, but it’s all reasonably flexible.

Still, I’m wondering why. I finally got my sleep time dialed down to something within shouting distance of normal for me. I assume this is one of those ‘bubbles’, like I get after surgery, where for a day or so I revert to an earlier, weaker state. Grr. Wants our momentum, we does, preciousss.

Tags: Cancer, health, Personal

Posted: 8:38 am Sun January 29 2012 | Comments(0) |

[cancer] Getting the tattoos updated

Yesterday I went to get my cancer scoreboard tattoos refreshed, accompanied by mlerules, who took photos. This is a follow up on last year’s ink session, adding a new one of each icon series to commemorate my 2012 chemo and surgery experiences. (See here [ jlake.com | LiveJournal ] for the original discussion of the tattoo process, along with photos.)

I am still debating whether to get the tattoo on the back of my skull. I don’t have any philosophical objection to what I’ve been considering, I’m just trying to decide how big a pain wimp I am. You’d think after all the surgeries, I’d be accustomed to this.

Anyway, some photos…

The Sea Tramp Tattoo shop its own self.

Me filling out the “I’m not drunk” release form.

Tattoo artist Eric Quale gearing up.

Me getting the ink.

The new ink, specifically the rightmost biohazard and zodiacal cancer icons.

As usual, more at the Flickr set.

Photos © 2012 Emily Siskin, reproduced with permission.

Tags: Art, Cancer, health, Personal, Photos

Posted: 8:32 am Sun January 29 2012 | Comments(2) |

[cancer] Updating the ink, general progress

This morning I am off to have the tattoos on my wrist updated. (See here [ jlake.com | LiveJournal ] for the original discussion of the tattoo process, along with photos.) mlerules is coming with for moral support and documentation purposes.

In general, at the moment I feel pretty healthy. I’m not quite back to baseline, but I’m very close. That’s with me only about five and half weeks out of the FOLFIRI chemo series. This is a sharp contrast to the months of recovery time from the 2010 FOLFOX chemo series. I still struggle a little bit with fatigue and sleep issues, and my lower GI is even more eccentric than usual, but that’s about it. Given that my next CT scan is in two and half weeks, I’m just enjoying what I have right now, and hoping not to be plunged back into the medical mixmaster right away.

After the ink, and probably lunch out, I’ll be hanging with the_child this afternoon. Late in the day, I may go visit a friend who just got sprung from the hospital, if they’re up to company. And there will be some Sunspin revisions at some point. That’s what’s going on.

Tags: Art, Books, Cancer, Child, friends, health, Personal, Sunspin, Writing

Posted: 7:45 am Sat January 28 2012 | Comments(2) |

[conventions] Announcing JayCon XII

In celebration of my natal anniversary, JayCon XII, my 12th annual 37th birthday party, is Saturday, June 9th, 2012 from 2 to 5 pm at the Flying Pie in SE Portland. We’re partying because I was born, and because I have beat cancer again and again.

If you can read this, you’re invited. Prior JayCon experience not required.

Note that I am announcing this early because people always tell me, “You should have told me sooner!” Except for the people who tell me, “It’s too soon, remind me later.” (Sometimes these are the same people.)

Flying Pie Pizzeria
7804 SE Stark Street
Portland, 97215
(503) 254-2016

http://www.flying-pie.com/

[ Google Maps ]

As is traditional for JayCon, Paul M. Carpentier is specifically not invited.

Tags: Cancer, Conventions, health, JayCon, Personal, Portland

Posted: 6:30 am Thu January 26 2012 | Comments(0) |