Jay Lake: Writer

[cancer|photos] Tattooing my scalp

Yesterday I went back to see artist Eric S. Quale at Sea Tramp Tattoo. It’s only been a week since I got my wrist tattoos updated. This time I was getting my head tattooed.

I wanted “If you can read this, I have cancer again.” on the back of my head, where it would be covered up as my hair grew in once more. That way, the tattoo will be a marker if I have to do a third round of chemotherapy and lose my hair again. Otherwise it will be a crypto-tattoo, hidden by the hair that is a marker of my health and a signal of my self-image.

I’d been being a wimp about the pain, but in talking to my therapist a few days ago, I realized it was important to me to flip the bird to cancer in a big way. Instead I cheated, apply some EMLA to my scalp (topical anesthetic cream) and popping a Lorazepam to mellow me out. Also, at the last minute, I added one of each of my wrist symbols to the tattoo — the zodiacal sign for cancer, symbolizing my surgeries; and the biohazard glyph, symbolizing my chemotherapies.

mlerules and her friend E— took me in, as with a Lorazepam on board I wasn’t fit to drive, and besides which, I needed someone to do photo documentation. Here’s how it all went down….

Saran wrap to protect the EMLA on my scalp

The art for the tattoo — Note the symbols matching those on my wrist

Eric S. Quale at work on me

A closer shot of the same thing

Me showing off the finished product, note the tattoos on my left wrist

A close up view of the finished product

As usual, more at the Flickr set.

Photos © 2012, Joseph E. Lake, Jr. and Emily Siskin

This work by Joseph E. Lake, Jr. and Emily Siskin is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 3.0 United States License.

Tags: Art, Cancer, friends, health, Photos

Posted: 8:15 am Sat February 04 2012 | Comments(1) |

[cancer] Sometimes it’s like being back on chemo

I slept 9.75 hours last night. Was out visiting a friend yesterday evening when a wave of severe fatigue hit me, so I headed home, talked with the_child for a while, then went to bed early and slept late. Way late.

Thankfully, this is Sunday and I am not heavily committed. Some work time on Sunspin, several errands, some homework time with the_child, but it’s all reasonably flexible.

Still, I’m wondering why. I finally got my sleep time dialed down to something within shouting distance of normal for me. I assume this is one of those ‘bubbles’, like I get after surgery, where for a day or so I revert to an earlier, weaker state. Grr. Wants our momentum, we does, preciousss.

Tags: Cancer, health, Personal

Posted: 8:38 am Sun January 29 2012 | Comments(0) |

[cancer] Getting the tattoos updated

Yesterday I went to get my cancer scoreboard tattoos refreshed, accompanied by mlerules, who took photos. This is a follow up on last year’s ink session, adding a new one of each icon series to commemorate my 2012 chemo and surgery experiences. (See here [ jlake.com | LiveJournal ] for the original discussion of the tattoo process, along with photos.)

I am still debating whether to get the tattoo on the back of my skull. I don’t have any philosophical objection to what I’ve been considering, I’m just trying to decide how big a pain wimp I am. You’d think after all the surgeries, I’d be accustomed to this.

Anyway, some photos…

The Sea Tramp Tattoo shop its own self.

Me filling out the “I’m not drunk” release form.

Tattoo artist Eric Quale gearing up.

Me getting the ink.

The new ink, specifically the rightmost biohazard and zodiacal cancer icons.

As usual, more at the Flickr set.

Photos © 2012 Emily Siskin, reproduced with permission.

Tags: Art, Cancer, health, Personal, Photos

Posted: 8:32 am Sun January 29 2012 | Comments(2) |

[cancer] Updating the ink, general progress

This morning I am off to have the tattoos on my wrist updated. (See here [ jlake.com | LiveJournal ] for the original discussion of the tattoo process, along with photos.) mlerules is coming with for moral support and documentation purposes.

In general, at the moment I feel pretty healthy. I’m not quite back to baseline, but I’m very close. That’s with me only about five and half weeks out of the FOLFIRI chemo series. This is a sharp contrast to the months of recovery time from the 2010 FOLFOX chemo series. I still struggle a little bit with fatigue and sleep issues, and my lower GI is even more eccentric than usual, but that’s about it. Given that my next CT scan is in two and half weeks, I’m just enjoying what I have right now, and hoping not to be plunged back into the medical mixmaster right away.

After the ink, and probably lunch out, I’ll be hanging with the_child this afternoon. Late in the day, I may go visit a friend who just got sprung from the hospital, if they’re up to company. And there will be some Sunspin revisions at some point. That’s what’s going on.

Tags: Art, Books, Cancer, Child, friends, health, Personal, Sunspin, Writing

Posted: 7:45 am Sat January 28 2012 | Comments(2) |

[conventions] Announcing JayCon XII

In celebration of my natal anniversary, JayCon XII, my 12th annual 37th birthday party, is Saturday, June 9th, 2012 from 2 to 5 pm at the Flying Pie in SE Portland. We’re partying because I was born, and because I have beat cancer again and again.

If you can read this, you’re invited. Prior JayCon experience not required.

Note that I am announcing this early because people always tell me, “You should have told me sooner!” Except for the people who tell me, “It’s too soon, remind me later.” (Sometimes these are the same people.)

Flying Pie Pizzeria
7804 SE Stark Street
Portland, 97215
(503) 254-2016

http://www.flying-pie.com/

[ Google Maps ]

As is traditional for JayCon, Paul M. Carpentier is specifically not invited.

Tags: Cancer, Conventions, health, JayCon, Personal, Portland

Posted: 6:30 am Thu January 26 2012 | Comments(0) |

[personal] A sweet and thoughtful gift

While I was at Epic Confusion, adelheid_p gave me a very nice present:

It’s a medallion made from a spoon that reads ‘Courage’. A sweet and thoughtful gift, and very apropos. Thank you, adelheid_p.

Photograph © 2012, Joseph E. Lake, Jr.

This work by Joseph E. Lake, Jr. is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 3.0 United States License.

Tags: Cancer, Conventions, health, Photos

Posted: 6:39 am Tue January 24 2012 | Comments(0) |

[writing|process] In which I listen to my backbrain

the_child‘s basketball game was cancelled yesterday due to inclement weather. (Yes, they play the game indoors, but the location was 45 minutes away on country roads.) My fallback plan for the day was to embark on the Sunspin revisions.

Except I didn’t. My backbrain really wanted to wait until today, when I’ll be at the Fireside Writers’ Group after work, and in the mode, as it were.

Here’s the thing. I didn’t get where I am today as a writer by ignoring my backbrain. I have no idea why it wanted this extra day off, but it did. Okay. An extra day’s not going to crimp my production schedule much. And really, I was practically vibrating with Writing Avoidance Fu.

This may or may not be related to the odd phenomenon where I feel nervous just before embarking on a substantial project. The first couple of days when I start a new novel, or a major revision (as now) are often picky, fussy moments for me. Which is peculiar, because there’s not that much in life that can make me nervous (outside of cancer stress). I mean, I can stroll onto a stage in front of almost 3,000 people, grab a mic and go without a second thought. Most of the usual social stressors roll right off me — flying on planes, going on first dates, and so forth.

As for writing, I’ve spent the past two decades making it my life. Almost nothing about writing incites nerves in me. Except starting big projects. (Well, and contract negotiations.)

So pre-flight nerves? Or some bit of buggery in the plumbing of my writing mind? Maybe there’s no difference. Maybe it doesn’t matter. Because today, Sunspin

Tags: Books, Cancer, health, Process, Sunspin, Writing

Posted: 6:38 am Tue January 17 2012 | Comments(0) |

[writing|cancer] The horse continues

Yesterday I finished “You Will Attend Until Beauty Awakens” at 13,300 words, by writing a final 4,400 words. It’s the first piece of fiction I’ve written since chemotherapy put my right brain into vapor lock this past October.

You can imagine my profound relief. It doesn’t really matter if this story is good or not — well of course it does, of course, but not in this context. It matters that I wrote and finished it. I started last Monday, and seven days later on Sunday I was done. With two days off along the way.

I produced it, start to finish, at a respectable rate of output, and I like it.

This is me, back on the horse, and the horse continues.

The manuscript is out to first readers now. I’ll have to find some time to revise sometime in the next few weeks. But tomorrow, or possibly Tuesday, I’m on to Sunspin revisions. (As it happens, the_child has a basketball game tomorrow, which is why I may have to wait til Tuesday to get going.)

This is who I am. A writer, writing. Damn, am I glad to be back.

Tags: Books, Cancer, Child, health, stories, Sunspin, Writing

Posted: 6:38 am Mon January 16 2012 | Comments(3) |

[personal] Weekend update, a bit of mortality

Yesterday was fairly good in some ways. I got another 2,500 words in on “You Will Attend Until Beauty Awakens”. the_child made substantial if rocky progress on homework with an assist from me at several key junctures. She and I had lunch with my parents, as well. We also wound up rewatching the first Harry Potter movie on DVD last night. As an added bonus, my overnight dreaming included kylecassidy talking at me from a television, his head shaven and horky black hipster glasses on his face.

At the same time, my dinner date cancelled due to the flu, which was a mild bummer for me and a much bigger bummer for her. More importantly, yesterday I learned of two recent deaths. An old friend of the family — of my parents’ generation — died of complications from a severe stroke. And a young writer friend of mine died of complications from metastatic breast cancer, leaving behind her infant daughter. In neither case was the death especially surprising in a larger sense, but in both cases it was unexpected by me.

I don’t walk around in a depressive fugue or anything like that, but I find myself a lot more sensitive to mortality issues these days. As I said to another friend recently, talking about personality changes under extreme stress, the biggest change I see in myself over these past 3.75 years of dealing with cancer is that I’ve utterly lost my once boundless optimism. I don’t think I’ve become sour or withdrawn, I just have no faith in my future. I’ve been shot down way too hard too many times in the past few years to feel like flying high any more. Neither of these deaths are about me in any way, and I wasn’t especially close to either of the women who passed away, but I still feel them like a leaden cloak upon my bent shoulders.

Tags: Cancer, Child, family, health, Personal, stories, Writing

Posted: 7:52 am Sun January 15 2012 | Comments(3) |

[personal] Home, doing stuff

Flew home yesterday. Got 2,500 words written in the process, along with some napping. Spent some quality time with the_child in the afternoon, then she went off to a school dance and I went to thirdworld‘s housewarming/birthday party. Thanks to chemo and its discontents, I’m pretty sure that’s the first party I’ve been to since my birthday party last June.

This weekend I want to finish, or at least make serious progress, on the current short story project. I’m aiming for 10-12,000 words. Also, planning to spend a bunch of time helping the_child with math homework and a paper she’s doing for her eighth grade project. I did have a dinner date tonight, but my friend has come down with the flu, so we have postponed.

That’s about it. Writing, parenting and relaxing this weekend. What’s a weekend for, anyway?

Tags: Cancer, Child, health, Personal, stories, Writing

Posted: 8:46 am Sat January 14 2012 | Comments(0) |