Jay Lake: Writer

[links] Link salad has big warm fuzzy secret heart

James Randi discusses chemotherapy — Of interest to me, for certain.

Airship transported — Such an odd photo from x planes.

The etymology of “clitoris” — The last line is a killer. (Via @matociquala.)

Green Sea Slug Is Part Animal, Part Plant — Evolution? Symbiosis? No, wait! Intelligent Design!

Scrivener’s Error on (among other thing) academic liberalism — A key point which doesn’t get made often enough. The American conservative view that “if you’re not with us, you’re against us” has been bought into by the media, and by many centrists and liberal-progressives. It’s really not a bipolar axis, even if many observers (including myself) often fall into the trap of assuming so.

Ten Notable Apocalypses That (Obviously) Didn’t Happen — (Via Making Light.)

You can never go home again (and nor should you) — A fascinating point about mortgage defaults.

Divorce Rates Higher in States with Gay Marriage Bans — Let’s not even talk about Red State teen pregnancy rates, shall we? Family values FTW!

?otD: Code Monkey offer buy you soda?

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1/13/2009
Body movement: 60 minute suburban walk
Hours slept: 7.5
This morning’s weigh-in: 226.2
Currently reading: Bangkok 8 by John Burdett

Tags: Cancer, Cool, Funny, health, Links, Personal, Politics, Science, sex, Tech, Videos

Posted: 5:24 am Wed January 13 2010 | Comments(0) |

[links] Link salad plans to go see Avatar today in 3D IMAX

Don’t forget the latest caption contest voting poll — I’ll be closing this out today or tomorrow, and declaring a winner, so if you haven’t voted yet, go check ‘em out.

Atheism, cancer and me — Relinking a Christmas Eve post of mine in case you took the weekend off for holidays. Comment thread is still active, and has a lot of really good discussions, though it is quite long at this point.

My cancer and digestive health TMI post spawned an interesting comment thread on LJ — Which was then echoed, in various ways, by calendula_witch here (hysterectomy), fjm here (celiac), joycemocha here (menopause) and accioayla here (joint disorders). And possibly more I don’t know about. Fascinating stuff in some of those comment threads, too, as we all talk about things people Don’t Talk About.

Failblog with the “four Fs” — “Fighting, fleeing, feeding and mating.” Ahem.

A Microbial Encyclopedia — Scientists have mapped the genomes of 56 species of microbes. I love the comments about the density of species. Interesting stuff.

Anniversary of a cosmic blast — Somehow I missed the original event. This piece from Bad Astronomy is fascinating, violence on a literally astronomical scale.

For Airline Passengers, Pat-Downs, Searches and Restroom Monitors — Pilots on Sunday declared an emergency after a second man, also a Nigerian, spent an unusually long time in an airplane restroom. Oh, joy. Speaking as someone who often spends an unusually long time in restrooms, this will make flying even more of a treat. Maybe there’s an upside to me being grounded for the next seven months.

?otD: Avatar or Dances With Smurfs?

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12/28/2009
Body movement: n/a (60 minute urban walk forthcoming)
Hours slept: 6.25
This morning’s weigh-in: 225.0
Currently reading: Living With Ghosts by Kari Sperring

Tags: Cancer, Contests, Culture, Funny, health, Links, Personal, Politics, Polls, Religion, Science, sex, Travel

Posted: 5:01 am Mon December 28 2009 | Comments(0) |

[cancer] Life changes, the smaller kind; potty talk edition

I’ve been talking a lot lately about sex and cancer, about the overwhelming aspects of chemo, the impact of cancer on my circle of intimates, friends and family. But it has had other, less obviously dramatic impacts on my life, some of which are still very strong.

One of the most basic changes is not particularly TMI, which is that my sleep metabolism shifted substantially after the colonic resectioning of May, 2008. When I emerged from the immediate post-operative recovery period (during which one sleeps twelve or fourteen hours a day, or more), I found myself sleeping six hours per night instead of my classic seven and half or eight. This was a welcome surprise, and I immediately leveraged it to expand and firm up my exercise regimen.

So one of the frustrations of this round of surgery has been the intense oversleeping during recovery. I’m down now to six or seven hours per night, which tells me I’m at the tail end of the substantial recovery. Which is to say, I still have healing wounds, internal pain, range of motion issues, etc., but I’m a lot more myself. One of my chemo fears is that the sleep will spiral back up. Fatigue and lassitude are classic, and basic, side effects of chemotherapy.

Because I use those waking hours. That’s how I sustain a Day Jobbe, parenting, a writing career, a love life, a social life, and still get laundry done. I’m not superhuman, I’m just awake and energetic more than most people. The eighteen hours a day I’ve been used to was a gift of the first Excellent Cancer Adventure. This round of New Adventures in Cancer threatens to take it away. Not pleased, me. Not pleased.

( Under cut for digestive health TMI. )

Tags: Cancer, Food, health, Personal, sex

Posted: 5:43 am Sun December 27 2009 | Comments(0) |

[links] Link salad looks forward to a lazy Sunday

manmela with a mixed reaction to Mainspring [ Powell's | Amazon thb | Barnes & Noble | Borders | Audible ]

Ta-Nehisi Coates shows Herman Melville some literary love

Vintage Soviet era holiday cars — And more of them!. Stastliva nova godina, y’all.

12 ’sexy’ ads that will give you nightmares — Decidedly NSFW link. Brain bleach may be required. You have been warned. (Thanks, I think, to wllyumtx.)

Get your mass handed to you — Higgs boson for sale on eBay.uk, via Bad Astronomy. I love geek humor.

And speaking of geek humor, Science Tattoo Emporium — Now that be some awesome ink. (Via Language Log.)

Applied Materials moves solar expertise to China — Along with their CTO. A major American high tech manufacturer has shifted their innovation center of gravity to China. A powerfully symbolic move that is part of a process that has been going on for years, but what does that say about this country’s role in shaping the future?

?otD: What did you give for Boxing Day?

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12/27/2009
Body movement: n/a (60 minute urban walk forthcoming)
Hours slept: 6.75
This morning’s weigh-in: 225.5
Currently reading: Living With Ghosts by Kari Sperring

Tags: Books, Cool, Culture, Links, Mainspring, Personal, Politics, reviews, Science, sex, Tech, weird, Writing

Posted: 5:13 am Sun December 27 2009 | Comments(0) |

[cancer] A little bit more on sex and chemo

Several further email exchanges with the oncology nurse provided some interesting clarifications. I was advised to be careful about “sloppy” kissing. Also to note that tears, saliva, urine, et cetera would all have traces of the drugs.

5-FU, part of my FOLFOX chemo cocktail, interferes with RNA transcription, and is notably teratogenic, i.e., capable of generating horrendous birth defects. So I wrote back and asked how much of this precaution is diligence to avoid conception with this crap in play, and how much of it is related to drug half life and breakdown products. I pointed out that I have had my vasectomy, I don’t bareback anyone who is fertile in her own right, so the odds of a defective pregnancy approach those required for divine intervention.

She wrote me back and commented that she thought that most of the science around chemotherapy and sex was about teratogenecity.

I understand this from a liability point of view. I understand this from a conservative medicine point of view. I do not want to introduce cytotoxins to my loved ones through sex, kissing or even excessive sweating. I truly will be the Toxic Avenger, as will anyone who goes through this process. I will not be cowboying my way through my intimate life against all medical advice.

But I find it amusing, and frustrating, that the focus is so overwhelmingly on fertility and its risks that there doesn’t seem to be a clear-eyed view, or available information, on the chemo risks in nonfertile sexual environments. Which would of course apply to gay/lesbian couples, the elderly, and anyone of reproductive age who’s been medically or surgically rendered infertile. That has to be a fair amount of people, all working under this fertility management regimen.

Curious.

Tags: Cancer, health, Personal, sex

Posted: 3:01 pm Thu December 24 2009 | Comments(3) |

[cancer] More sex, and other mysteries

Just spoke to the chemo nurse. I have been advised that due to me being on 5-FU (Fluorouracil), condoms are absolutely required for any relevant sexual act during chemo and for three months afterward. The drugs involved are too disruptive to risk passing on to my sex partners via my ejaculate. Also due to my immunocompromised status, I cannot perform oral sex without a dental dam, as the consequences of me contracting a bacterial infection are severe. This is not surprising, but it does not please me.

In other news, thanks to a prompting from a friend of calendula_witch, I queried about EMLA, an anaesthetic cream that’s applied to the skin above the chest port an hour or so prior to the needle being set. The nurse said, “Well, that’s a good idea. It will cut down quite a bit on your incidental pain.” Which made me wonder why they didn’t prescribe it proactively. She also indicated that I can continue physical therapy while under chemo, with no particular cautions. So my shoulder will progress further.

In other news, I’m mulling a post on cancer, stress and my atheism. It seems to need to be discussed — even my clinic is advising me to support my spiritual side through my faith, which seems to considerably privilege religious belief. I’m not planning to make an issue of it there, not at all, just wanting to answer the implied question, which was explicitly voiced by an acquaintance who recently commented, “I just don’t understand how you can do this without faith in God.”

That definitely deserves a thoughtful response.

Tags: Calendula, Cancer, health, Personal, Religion, sex

Posted: 6:32 pm Wed December 23 2009 | Comments(1) |

[cancer] More about sex

The oncology nurse called me back this afternoon. I asked her first about the changing sensations in my port implant. She believes that the tissue swelling has gone down enough for me to be aware of the device, and that the awareness will diminish as I become more accustomed to it. At the moment it feels as if someone left a Bic pen inside my right chest.

( Sex detail under cut for family- and work-safety )

Ah, the things we need to deal with. This was so much more interesting than my talk with my dentist.

Tags: Cancer, health, Personal, sex

Posted: 3:21 pm Mon December 21 2009 | Comments(10) |

[personal|cancer] More reflections, plus sex!

It occurred to me this weekend that I haven’t made a writing process post in a long time. This irks me a bit, as my core identity is that of a writer, and one of the core purposes of this blog is to talk about writing and publishing. One of cancer’s smaller thefts, to be sure, as obvious as my distractions have been.

Spent a delightful weekend in Seattle with calendula_witch, shelly_rae and markferrari. We attended tbclone47’s party, then later shelly_rae and I went by a party at Red Rocket Station. Sunday included a nice six-cornered brunch with Kij and Kessel before we drove home.

And boy did this weekend drive home the “spoon theory” that the MS and some other communities talk about. My spoon issues are transient, not permanent, but they’re very real. Making a 400 mile round trip three days after my second surgery in three weeks was perhaps not the wisest way to manage my spoons, but I’m glad I did it.

As brendacooper said to me at tbclone47’s party, “I’m used to seeing you with more energy.”

Sleeping has gotten more difficult these last few nights. Both sides still hurt, more in the sense of “extreme discomfort” than “post-surgical pain”. And the swelling is sufficiently reduced in my port implant that I’m becoming extremely and continually aware of its presence inside my body. Weird, very weird.

Likewise, the experience of a continual cycle of exhaustion, recharge and energy is a preview into chemotherapy. Those of you know me IRL know how I just race forward all the time. No racing for this Energizer bunny, not for months to come. I’ve got a couple of strong weeks ahead of me, then I’m in the spoon drawer until at least July.

As an aside to the spoons issue, I also have begun to note patterns in my exhaustion. If I rest before I’m wiped out, more frequently and for shorter periods, I get more done. Prophylactic naps are in my future. Conversely, if I’m engaged in a high-intensity activity like driving or sex, I can way overshoot my limit without realizing it until I’ve wound down. Then my need for rest is overwhelming.

As an aside to chemo, albeit an important one, last night calendula_witch and I realized that the sexual restrictions on chemo are much more complex than advertised so far by my medical providers. I’ve had discussions about condom use (I will be the Toxic Avenger, and pretty much every bodily emission of mine will be dangerous), being told by different providers everything from “a day or two after chemo” to “constantly until several months after you are done.” But that assumes a very simplistic view of sex and sexual acts. They’ve been a bit coy about details. For example, I’m supposed to work very hard to avoid bacterial infections. Does that mean my performing oral sex is right out? So a deeply frank phone call to my oncology nurse is in order shortly, simply so I know where to set the pins.

Lots going on, lots to think about, and hey, it’s the solstice! The sun returneth to my sky! Though calendula_witch leaves for San Francisco shortly, which dims my world a bit.

Happy Solstice, all, and stay healthier than me.

Tags: Calendula, Cancer, health, Personal, Seattle, sex

Posted: 5:13 am Mon December 21 2009 | Comments(0) |

[cancer|personal] Crossing the streams

Yesterday was a good day. calendula_witch and I got in a terrific walk up some mondo hills, spent some good quality couple time together, both got writing and reading done, then eventually went out. Our itinerary included Good Vibrations, Borderlands Books, Tacqueria Cancun (one of my favorite Mexican restaurants on the West Coast), and of course, The Make-Out Room for Writers With Drinks. Borderlands Books produced some unexpected bonus in running into Greg and Astrid Bear. I also got a phone call on the store phone, from sdn, which was surprising but fun.

We ran into Kat Richardson on the sidewalk, who was killing time before reading at Writers With Drinks, so we pulled her along. Once there we met up with maryrobinette (another reader) and Mr. maryrobinette, along with two friends of calendula_witch’s. Afterwards, out with the WWD crew for crepes and fries at Frjtz. Whoever thought of putting truffle oil on french fries ought to be sanctified.

After WWD, we wound up talking to blakecharlton and therinth quite a bit. Blake’s a medical student with both a personal and professional interest in cancer, Erin is a nurse. They had a lot to say, especially Blake, which was very helpful to me in my ongoing process of sorting my perspectives on my cancer, its recurrence, and my fears both rational and irrational. One thing Blake talked about was the survivorship community. The point he made, in reference to a close family member who’d survived a very bad experience with cancer (much worse than mine looks to be, frankly), was that there were conversations that Blake could not have with his loved one. There’s a shared experience and an emotional vernacular which cancer survivors only find in other cancer survivors.

This of course made all kinds of sense. You see the same phenomenon in veterans, law enforcement, survivors of a disaster, or people who’ve shared any complex, high stress experience.

Which made me realize that one reason I’d written “The Specific Gravity of Grief” was to try to frame that cancer experience, that cancer mindset, for people who haven’t taken that particular journey. To some degree, it’s why I blog so extensively and thoroughly about my cancer journey, but the story (just finished, now in revision, due out from Fairwood Press next year) is a way of communicating the essentially incommunicable. Or so I hope.

A lot of streams crossed last night, and it wasn’t dangerous so much as enlightening. It reminded me that while I stumble a lot, I also continue to progress. Sometimes I remember to be proud of myself, and the people around me.

Tags: Books, Calendula, California, Cancer, Food, health, Personal, sex, stories, Writing

Posted: 6:48 am Sun November 15 2009 | Comments(5) |

[links] Link salad looks toward Philadelphia, blinks into the rising sun

Foob on writers — And our “temper mental” selves.

Lucy Knisley on memories of childhood sexuality — Oi. Quite something.

Another fabulous WPA poster on Vintagraph

Dieselpunk Bomber — Mmm.

Martian Landscapes — Boston.com’s “The Big Picture” with a roundup of some of the recent, stunning Mars photography. (Via Bad Astronomy.)

A Tiny Revolution on Reagan and the Pakistani bomb — Yep, those Republicans, always looking out for national security. And principled, too! Nothing to see here, citizen, move along.

Unclear on the concept of separation of church and state — Several Democrats, including Rep. Jason Altmire, D-Pennsylvania, said they are in touch with their Catholic bishops back home. Altmire said he must have the approval of his bishop in Pittsburgh before he can vote yes. Nice to know that there are some Democrats who hold Constitutional principles in as high regard as their GOP colleagues.

Paranoia Strikes Deep — Paul Krugman on the American Right. He says something I’ve been saying for years, albeit far more elegantly, in the money shot: …the G.O.P. has been taken over by the people it used to exploit.

?otD: How many writers does it take to change a light bulb?

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11/9/2009
Body movement: 15 minutes of stretching and meditation, 30 minutes on stationary bike
Hours slept: 5.25
This morning’s weigh-in: 233.0
Currently reading: The Jade Man’s Skin by Daniel Fox

Tags: Cool, Culture, Funny, Links, Personal, Photos, Politics, Process, Science, sex, Tech, Writing

Posted: 5:42 am Mon November 09 2009 | Comments(0) |