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[links] Link salad still wishes it slept better

Graphing Depression and Anxiety — Jim C. Hines is wise about writing productivity in the face of such widespread challenges.

Candlemen — A character type based on Mainspring. Very cool.

The Paintings of Jason de Graaf — Wow, the light work. I hope this guy is doing SF and fantasy covers. (Via [info]willyumtx.)

Presenting the Mid-Century Modern… toothbrush — Because advertising circa 1949.

Fascinating Old Maps of Both Real and Ridiculous NYC Transit Projects — Cool beans. Some alt.hist here. (Via David Goldman.)

22-Pound Housecat Who Trapped Owners After Attacking Baby To Get Therapy — I don’t think it’s the cat that needs therapy. Ah, Portland. (Via Lisa Costello.)

New Jersey Bans Tesla to Ensure Buying a Car Will Always Suck — Ah, the New Jersery Auto Dealer Preservation Act, to better serve your needs without competitive pressure from new business models.

T. rex Had a Small, Cute Cousin — Uh…

First thin films of spin ice reveal cold secrets

U of A solves deep-Earth water mysteryTesting on the tiny mineral sample proves there is water about 400 to 700 kilometres below the Earth’s surface.

The Unfrozen North — Nothing to see here, citizen. Move along.

Recent estimates of low climate sensitivity were flawedBetter accounting for aerosols shows CO2 just as potent as we thought. This is how climate science works. New and contradictory data is absorbed and accounted for, and theories are adjusted. It’s science, after all.

Principled bigotry is still, you know, bigotry — Confidential to religious conservatives in America: Listen up. (Via Slacktivist Fred Clark.)

Mississippi, Louisiana, Georgia top list of gay-porn watching states — Because good conservative Red State morality trumps Blue State liberal degeneracy, that’s why.

Couple from Black Earth church convicted of child abuse — Ah, the magic of sincerely held religious beliefs. Which really are not a get-out-of-jail-free card for criminal conduct or outright immorality, the fevered dreams of religious conservatives in their persecution of gays and women notwithstanding. (Via Slacktivist Fred Clark.)

Why We Hate Corporations

The Triumph Of Arrant Bullshit On The Affordable Care Act{T]his quote is immeasurably tragic. It represents a kind of final victory for mean-spirited and uncharitable propaganda over reality, a triumph for misinformation, sabotage, and arrant bullshit in the service of a cruel ideology and faceless oligarchy.

?otD: Yawn much more?


3/13/2014
Writing time yesterday: 0.0 hours (chemo brain)
Hours slept: 6.0 hours (badly interrupted, some daytime napping)
Body movement: 0 minutes (hall walking to come)
Weight: n/a
Number of FEMA troops on my block teaching wives how to be submissive: 0
Currently reading: n/a (chemo brain)

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[dreams|culture] My chemo-addled mind on pop culture

Weird have been my dreams of late. Ah medication and stress, those twinned servants of the entelechy of dreams.

Last night I didn’t just get a few postcards from my subconscious. I got a whole truckload 70mm CinemaScope reels shot on expired TechniColor film stock, complete with house posters and lobby standees. (Hmm, when I die, maybe I should continue going to conventions as a standee. Anyone want to take on carrying me around?)

At any rate, I enjoyed an hour long series of linked dream vignettes that was rather like watching Heavy Metalimdb ] by way of Moorcock’s Eternal Champion cycle. Sturm und drang, world-ending battles, dead peasants everywhere, myself in various guises, genders and ethnic modalities struggling to save the world over and over again, and mostly losing. All the way through, I always knew that I had lost or was going to lose. People implored me to stop.

On the plus side, my late uncle-by-marriage Big Jay McMinnis made an appearance as a Cherokee centaur. That would be Big Jay as I knew him in the early seventies, loose, wild and free, before he divorced my aunt and that bitter, judgmental form of churchiness ate his brain. The younger Big Jay would have approved. The later Big Jay would have been appalled. (And no, I was not named for him, my aunt did not even meet him until some years after I was born.)

So yeah, pop culture filter through the chemo-addled brain. Another funny bit popped up yesterday as well. Many years ago, I was a happy member of the Slug Tribe writing group in Austin, Texas. We met two Tuesdays a month in a community center conveniently located not far from my then-house. The room next door to ours was occupied by a Latin dance class. They would begin dancing to Santana’s version of “Oye Como Va”, and stop after the first few bars while (presumably) the teacher fussed at people. I have forever associated the opening of that song with delivering and receiving writing critique.

Funny, the things that come back to you.

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[links] Link salad goes on the needle today

The Conversation We Never Have — On being a writer, economically. (Snurched from Elizabeth Bourne.)

My Headline Was Stolen — Ah, ideas.

Needless 911: Can’t Get This Jacket Off and I’m Pissed About It! — This would be the Portland area. Be proud, Oregon.

Oscar Mayer Wants to Make Your iPhone Smell like Bacon — Well, okay then.

Beatles memorabilia — Talc? Really?

Measuring Atmospheric Pressure on Exoplanets — Because science!

Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court: Upskirt photos not illegal under state law — The law, in its majestic equality, permits the polite as well as the creepy to take upskirt photos in Massachusetts.

Oscar Pistorius’ ex-girlfriend says he fired from carOscar Pistorius’ ex girlfriend has told his murder trial he once fired his gun from his car sunroof after becoming angry with police. Because guns make us all safer. Ask any conservative.

Navy will deploy first ship with laser weapon this summerNavy’s LaWS will save bullets and missiles—and blind and burn drones and boats.

Flash WarRussian mystery soldiers invaded Crimea by covering up and keeping mum. That could work for us!

Watching for a Crimean Cyberwar CrisisAn info-war is under way as websites are blocked and telecom cables to Crimea are mysteriously cut.

These 9 Maps Should Absolutely Outrage Southerners — Conservative governance, conservative results. These folks should be proud they’ve gotten exactly what they’ve voted in for. Increased poverty, decreased economic mobility, increased teen pregnancy, compromised healthcare outcomes: all utterly predictable results of GOP policies. What’s not to like?

Obamacare Effects Account for Most of Income, Spending Increases — This was published by The Wall Street Journal? The paper that abandoned its editorial integrity years ago in order to become the FOX News of the country club set? Wow… (Via David Goldman.)

Report: How GOP lost young voters“In the short term, the party ought to promote the diversity of thought within its ranks and make clear that we welcome healthy debate on the policy topic at hand.” Why in the hell are you a Republican if you believe diversity of thought and healthy debate are actually good ideas? Or have you never heard any single GOP political or media figure speak, ever? And you’ve obviously never read any GOP party platform.

?otD: Got infusion?


3/7/2014
Writing time yesterday: 0.0 hours (chemo brain)
Hours slept: 6.5 hours (very fitful)
Body movement: 0 minutes (hall walking to come)
Weight: 233.6 (hospital weigh-in)
Number of FEMA troops on my block teaching wives how to be submissive: 0
Currently reading: n/a (chemo brain)

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[links] Link salad looks forward to hump day

Another excerpt from Jay Lake collab “Recontact” for #WIPpet Wednesday — My good buddy Ruth Nestvold is cleaning up some of our unfinished collaborative work for publication.

METAtropolis: Green Space Audiobook Review

Sarah Silverman and the Art of the Non-Dirty Joke — This is a good example of the creative process, very well explicated.

Toy Story: The True Identity of Andy’s Mom Makes The Movie More Epic — (Thanks to Lisa Costello.)

Google Glass-wearing woman posts video of alleged S.F. bar attack

How Humans Went From Being One Shade to Many

Provide coverage for Lung Cancer Screening with LDCT — Cancer activism, courtesy of Janet Freeman-Daily.

Cheaper Cancer Gene Tests, by the DropA single-molecule gene test requires much less DNA to identify cancer-causing mutations.

Chile’s stunning fossil whale graveyard explained

Scientists re-weigh the electron, get more precise mass

Water Found in Atmosphere of Nearby Alien Planet

Space Rock Smacks Moon, Creating Biggest Lunar Explosion Ever Seen — (Via David Goldman.)

The audacious rescue plan that might have saved space shuttle ColumbiaThe untold story of the rescue mission that could have been NASA’s finest hour.

A World Multiply Endangered: Horseman of the Four Apocalypses — About political fear and terror.

‘I Am Still Called by the God I Serve to Walk This Out’A conversation with Lucia McBath, mother of Jordan Davis. Ta-Nehisi Coates again.

Is Religion Secularizing? Trends in Opposition to Pornography — I’m not sure this has any great significance, but it is interesting.

Christian rocker pleads guilty to trying to hire hit man to kill wife — Ah, the superior morality of Biblical marriage. (Via Scrivener’s Error.)

Inside the Conservative Campaign to Launch “Jim Crow-Style” Bills Against Gay Americans“This seems to be a concerted Hail Mary campaign to carve out special rights for religious conservatives so that they don’t have to play by the same rules as everyone else does”

A License to DiscriminateThere are 17 states where it is legal for same-sex couples to marry, and there is no evidence that the accelerating progress toward equality has compromised anyone’s freedom to worship or hold religious beliefs. Unfortunately, that has not stopped religious and social conservatives from pressing lawmakers in various states to enact noxious measures to give businesses and individuals the broad right to deny services to same-sex couples in the name of protecting religious liberty.

Fox News blasts Arizona’s “Jim Crow laws for homosexuals” — Uh, really? They were certainly for it before they were against it. Let’s see if this holds up at all.

Senators on SB1062: “We made a mistake”A trio of Arizona state senators urged Gov. Jan Brewer to veto a controversial “religious freedom” bill on Monday, just days after all three cast votes in favor of the proposal that opponents say will legalize discrimination. These unAmerican conservative jerks don’t even have the balls to stand proudly for the same bigoted hate they were happy to vote in for relative anonymity a week ago? Poor widdle babies, facing consequences for their profoundly destructive actions. Such accountability rarely happens to conservatives, of course. I suppose this is progress, but it would have been a lot more progress not to embrace such a hideously immoral piece of GOP vote pandering in the first place.

Arizona Confronting Awkward Realization That Gay People Have Money, Buy Stuff Acknowledging that her vote for the anti-gay law might have been calamitous for the state’s economy, Ms. Foyler placed the blame for it squarely on the shoulders of one group: the gays themselves. “How was I supposed to know what gay people do with their money, etc., when I don’t personally know any gay people?” she asked. “I’m sorry, but it was up to the gays to tell us.” (Via Lisa Costello.)

Oops: GOP Bill Would Strip 1 Million Workers Of Health Coverage — I’m pretty sure that’s a feature, not a bug, as stripping lower income people of healthcare is an explicit and widely held Republican goal. See the widespread efforts at refusal or even rollback of Medicare expansion.

[Redacted in the Interest of National Security] — Ah, humor.

GOPer: Ranchers Should Shoot ‘Wetbacks’ Crossing Border IllegallyA Republican Senate candidate argued to The Dallas Morning News editorial board earlier this month that ranchers in Texas should be allowed to shoot “wetbacks” trying to cross the border illegally. Stay classy, conservative America. It’s what you do best.

?otD: Is this the middle of your week?


2/26/2014
Writing time yesterday: 0.0 hours (chemo brain)
Hours slept: 10.0 hours (fitful)
Body movement: 30 minutes
Weight: 234.2
Number of FEMA troops on my block unjustly vilifying Ted Nugent: 0
Currently reading: n/a (chemo brain)

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[links] Link salad fires its lipstick taser

Inside Amtrak’s (Absolutely Awesome) Plan to Give Free Rides to Writers — I hope this bears fruit.

Is truth stranger than fiction? Yes, especially for science fiction — (Via John Sapienza.)

Is entanglement real or is there a super-deterministic cosmic conspiracy?Researchers use quasars to kill off the last of the quantum hidden variables. This article made my head hurt. In a good way.

Traveler’s Table: Dumplings around the world

Map: How Wrong Is Your Time Zone — This is pretty cool.

Facebook won’t change privacy settings when you die, allows Look Back video requests for memorial accounts

Judge Tosses Muslim Spying Suit Against NYPD, Says Any Damage Was Caused by Reporters Who Exposed ItMartini, a one-term Republican congressman from New Jersey, was appointed to the federal bench by George W. Bush in 2002. Previous critiques of his judicial conduct have been unusually blunt and public, including repeated rebukes at the appellate level and the local U.S. attorney’s describing him in court filings as “misguided” and “irrational.”

Pastor tells ‘White Christians of Florida,’ that ‘stench from your houses of worship is wafting’ across AmericaA Baptist pastor from Washington has penned an open letter to “White Christians of Florida,” condemning them for not standing united against that state’s controversial “stand your ground” law.

Are Republicans even trying? Another Obamacare horror story bites the dust Given how horrible Obamacare supposedly is, it’s bizarre the GOP has such a hard time finding real victims. Kind of like years ago when the GOP was campaigning to eliminate the estate tax because it broke up farm families, and they could not find a single farm family that had been broken up. The really weird thing is that there are plenty of problems with the Obamacare rollout, and a significant number of people struggling with balancing premiums and subsidies. In other words, there are plenty of real hard luck stories to tell. Why does the GOP continue to lie?

My Night in Solitary — The world would be a different place if law-and-order types had to experience criminal justice from the inside.

Tenn. official ‘threatened’ blacks with skin ‘trophy’ he saved from 1896 lynching — Stay classy, conservative America. It’s what you do best.

?otD: Do you declare your weapon?


2/22/2014
Writing time yesterday: 0.0 hours (chemo brain)
Hours slept: 9.0 hours (solid until someone poked me awake in her sleep)
Body movement: 15 minutes (recovering)
Weight: 233.2
Number of FEMA troops attacking religious liberty: 0
Currently reading: n/a

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[links] Link salad didn’t know you were looking for more than it could ever be

“Hemingway” on Hemingway — Who the hell would use an app to evaluate their writing quality?

1966 Batman Valentines — Hahaha.

Compulsory Coupling: Fit In By Finding Someone — Yeah, this.

Snow Bird: 1922 — Some photographs defy explanation.

Austin’s Moon Towers, Beyond ‘Dazed and Confused’ — I lived in Austin 18 years, almost all of them in the old part of town where these towers still stand.

Frozen Venice – in pictures — (Via Lisa Costello.)

Bobsleds in ManhattanWhy NYC Should Host The Winter Olympics. Hahahah.
Global Geologic Map of Ganymede — In case you need one.

A little ass music: Hieronymus Bosch’s 500-year-old butt song from hell — This is so weird. (Via Lisa Costello.)

248-Million-Year-Old Fossil Shows Oldest Reptile Live Birth, Chaohusaurus Was Born ‘Head First’

The Rise of the Crazy Ants — Fire ants were bad enough. Now this? (Via David Goldman.)

The French way of cancer treatment[T]he French system is basically like an expanded Medicaid. Pretty much everyone has insurance, it explained, and the French get better primary care and more choice of doctors than we do. It also turns out, as has been much commented on, that despite all this great treatment, the French spend far less on healthcare than Americans. But Socialism is evil! No matter that people live longer, with better quality of life, for less cost. (Snurched from Alexander Unwyn Cherry.)

Cartoon: The truth about numbers: Bible Math! — Snerk. The dangers of literalism.

Kansas’ Anti-Gay Segregation Bill Is an Abomination — Wow. It’s very, very hard for me to read about something like this and not reach some very harsh negative conclusions about the intelligence, morality and basic human decency of American conservatives. (Via John Sapienza.)

Herpin: ‘A good thing’ that James Holmes had 100-round magazineRepublican state Sen. Bernie Herpin raised the ire of an Aurora theater shooting victim’s father when he claimed that it might have been “a good thing” that gunman James Holmes had a 100-round magazine when he opened fire and, ultimately, killed 12 people. I cannot even bring myself to snark about this.

Schofield man who advocated for open carry jailed, accused of making gun threats — Because guns make us all safer, and every American who carries deadly force can absolutely be relied upon to use that threat of deadly force wisely under all circumstances.

Doctors: Abortion laws carry riskEven those who oppose abortion say that before giving their best medical advice, they may need to call a lawyer. All in accordance with that bedrock conservative principle of not letting the government come between you and your doctor.

[Conservative activist] Brent Bozell urges liberal media to ‘tell the truth,’ while he fibs about writing a column — “Forced ghostwriting”?

Sen. Bob Corker can’t stand the United Auto Workers: An annotated interview — I wish more journalists would do this when interviewing politicians: annotate the lies and misrepresentations. (Snurched from John Sapienza.)

[New York Republican state legislator] Thomas Barraga: No one ‘should ever ride a bicycle’ in Suffolk County — Because freedom, I guess.

?otD: Do you have to stay?


2/14/2014
Writing time yesterday: 0.0 hours (chemo brain)
Hours slept: 9.5 hours (mostly solid)
Body movement: 20 minutes stationary bike (resuming exercise post-operative)
Weight: n/a (traveling)
Number of FEMA troops on my block who aren’t descended from monkeys: 0
Currently reading: n/a

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[links] Link salad’s daddy had a car it loved to drive

A review of my short story, “King of the Kingless” — By my friend [info]talekyn.

Get Fuzzy on dialog in fiction

Pope Francis Continues Outreach, Blesses Male Stripper’s Parrot — This story was a headline writer’s dream.

Woman Gives Birth to Children, Discovers Her Twin is Actually the Biological Mother, But She is Technically Her Own Twin — Another headline writer’s dream.

How Londoners Died in One Plague-Ridden Week in 1665 — Apparently, you could die of “teeth”. Actually, that’s explained in the article, but it’s still weird. (Via AH.)

First Porsche Was An Electric Car

Jade Rabbit Says ‘Goodnight’ Before 14-Day Shutdown; Its Status Uncertain

The Biggest Stereotype Of Every State In America In One Map — I like Oregon’s label.

The Day We Lost AtlantaHow 2 lousy inches of snow paralyzed a metro area of 6 million.

Study: Many will die if Medicaid is not expandedNew report says thousands of uninsured will go without medical tests and treatments.

South Dakota bill would protect teachers who promote intelligent design — Seriously, people, this is an argument too stupid for a modern society to even be having. Not to mention, First Amendment.

Montana GOP Candidate Calls Hillary Clinton The ‘Anti-Christ’ — Wait, I thought Obama was the Anti-Christ? Seems like just a day or two ago that the Wall Street Journal was smugly talking about the liberal politics of vilification. This must be what they meant.

Even Republicans Now View The Iraq War As A Failure — Confidential to conservative America: Welcome to the reality-based community.

The House GOP’s incredible, amazing discovery: Most Americans aren’t entrepreneurs

Koch-Tied Groups Funded GOP Effort to Mess With Electoral College Rules

The Champion Barack ObamaHow Black America talks to the White House. Ta-Nehisi Coates is moving.

?otD: Were you shaking? Snapping your fingers?


2/1/2014
Writing time yesterday: 0.0 hours (chemo brain)
Hours slept: 8.5 hours (fitful)
Body movement: n/a (post-operative)
Weight: n/a (traveling)
Number of FEMA troops on my block inventing polar vortices: 0
Currently reading: n/a

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[links] Link salad for a thirsty Thursday

Surviving the World on creative writing — Uh…

A Toast Story — You just have to read this one all the way through. I simply cannot do it justice in a couple of lines of commentary or throwaway snark. (Via David Goldman.)

What not to say to a transgender person — What a curious, and encouraging, thing to see on CNN.com, of all places. Slowly the culture moves in the right direction. (Assuming that you, like me, believe tolerance, inclusiveness and human rights for every American is the right direction.)

Thai graft body to probe rice subsidies, adding to PM’s woes amid protests — The story itself doesn’t mean much to me one way or the other, but it took me several tries to read the headline as anything other than some kind of incredibly creepy Dr. Moreau thing about grafting bodies together.

Can history leave towns struck in places with bad locational fundamentals?

34 nuclear missile officers cheated on tests, Air Force says — Well, that’s comforting as hell.

Energy Teleportation Overcomes Distance Limit The ability to teleport energy from one location to another could revolutionise the way quantum devices operate, but only if it can be made to work over practical distances. Now physicists think they know how. I love living in the future.

Why plural marriages make sense — An opinion piece connecting the interests of a certain stripe of the Mormon community with the interests of the polyamorous community. Not a usual conjoining, to be sure.

Vatican To Be Grilled By UN On Allegations It Enabled Rape Of ChildrenThe Vatican is gearing up for a bruising showdown over the global priest sex abuse scandal, forced for the first time to defend itself at length and in public against allegations it enabled the rape of thousands of children by protecting pedophile priests and its own reputation at the expense of victims. Calling the Vatican’s long-term campaign of protection of child rapist an “allegation” is astonishingly kind to one of the most vile action taken by a putative moral organization in modern times. I’m pretty sure the Catholic church’s wholesale ruination of children’s lives over decades has been exhaustively demonstrated beyond any reasonable doubt.

The Dark-Tinted, Truth-Filled Reading List We Owe Our Kids — A Christianist view of fiction. I especially like this observation: I would understand if hard-bitten secularists were the ones feeding narrative meringue to their children with false enthusiasm. They believe their kids will eventually grow up and realize how terrible, grinding, and meaningless reality really is. Wow. Has that author ever actually met a secularist? That is an amazingly smug, ridiculous caricature, though I suppose it’s pleasantly self-valorizing for a certain kind of faithholder to pretend that’s how atheists and secularists see the world.

Sen. Burr won’t say why he’s blocking a nominee he recommended — Once again the much vaunted intellectual consistency and sterling character of the American right is proudly on display.

So long, IRS ‘scandal’The IRS faux-scandal, which has died with a whimper, is actually in the news quite a bit right now for a couple of reasons. The first is the Republicans preoccupation with comparing President Obama’s handling of the IRS story with Gov. Chris Christie’s (R) handling of his bridge scandal. But as the FBI’s disinterest helps remind us, there is no equivalence here – the Christie administration, as the governor himself now admits, engaged in actual misconduct. The IRS story, on the other hand, is a mirage. And then there’s House Oversight Committee Chairman Darrell Issa (R-Calif.). (Via David Goldman.)

An actual advance in human freedom in New Mexico. No surprise that conservatives hate it. — Ah, right to die.

Rush Limbaugh: If Christie was a true conservative, whether he lied ‘wouldn’t matter’ — Conservatives get a free pass on ethics. Duh. Also, water is wet. Why is this news? There has never been ethical consistency on the American Right. That’s why they yammer so much about character and morality: to cover up their own massive hypocrisy.

?otD: What will you drink today?


1/16/2014
Writing time yesterday: 0.0 hours (chemo brain)
Hours slept: 8.0 hours (solid)
Body movement: 30 minute stationary bike ride
Weight: 238.4
Number of FEMA troops on my block BENGHAZI! BENGHAZI! BENGHAZI!: 0
Currently reading: n/a (chemo brain)

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[books|writing] The January Machine

Back in the 1990s, I wrote my first attempt at a novel. It was called The January Machine. I quote the opening paragraphs of the synopsis I retrofitted some years later…

The year is 2041. Global warming has arrived with a vengeance. Ocean levels are rising, temperature extremes are off the scale, and loss of the ozone layer is destroying entire ecosystems. The United States has fractured under green and Third World backlash, with multiple secessions and a major West Coast earthquake complicating recovery. Meanwhile a prosperous, fascist Poland has risen to world dominance on the ruins of the European Union.

In this setting, human-grade AIs are relatively common, although their application is heavily regulated. In response to draconian AI-control measures, a shadowy AI underground known as the “goldens” seeks civil rights. In addition, time travel, while not possible in 2041, figures into the story from the perspective of the world’s future.

Marcus Sharpton, affiliated with the goldens, stumbles on stolen Polish military data — control codes for the January Machine. The January Machine was a Soviet doomsday project, consisting of several hundred nuclear warheads lining a Mohole, or deep crustal excavation, near a Siberian tectonic plate boundary. When activated, it would create a mega-volcano several hundred times more powerful than the catastrophic eruption of Krakatoa, plunging Earth into a long-term nuclear winter, where superior Soviet arctic warfare capabilities would ensure their military dominance.

I was trying to write a science fiction thriller. I had a lot of fun with it. Frankly, The January Machine is a terrible book from a craft perspective, but there’s a lot of neat ideas and some cool tropes in there, and it’s recognizably a Jay Lake book.

Mother of the Child has been asking for a while if she can have a printed, bound copy of the manuscript so she can re-read the book. My friend SC offered to do the layout and get the project through a print-on-demand vendor. Thus, I give you The January Machine:

image

As I’m trying to pull together a fund-raiser to help defray the substantial travel and lodging costs associated with my NIH clinical trial, I’m considering putting a few copies of the book in as premiums. I have some to spare, as the POD minimum order requirements were larger than my immediate needs.

It’s kind of fun to see that first effort from the mid-1990s have a print life, even one so small and odd.


Creative Commons License

This work by Joseph E. Lake, Jr. is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 3.0 United States License.

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[cancer|writing] Another painful thing

As I have frequently commented, the narrative of cancer is a narrative of loss. I haven’t written a word of new fiction since last June. At this point, I don’t expect to ever write again in my life, unless something very good arises out of these NIH studies. So be it. My career continues — Tor is releasing Last Plane to Heaven next September, stories from last year are getting favorable mentions — but it’s definitely deep in the wind-down phase.

What I see right now on blogs and social media are my auctorial friends and colleagues posting year-end reviews of work published in 2013, summaries of work contracted and planned in 2014, travel and convention schedules, and the like. All the usual change-of-the-year stuff we talk about.

I’m not really part of that world any more. I have no more new work contracted, since I can’t produce it. I have no writing goals. I have no convention plans for 2014. Being sick is a full time job, and besides which I don’t have the energy or the money. I expect to pass away next summer anyway, unless that very good something arises. I’m watching the party move on without me.

It’s natural, it’s logical, and it has nothing to do with me except in my own mind. But it’s quite painful at times.

Like I miss so many other things, I miss that part of my life.

Fuck cancer.

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