[cancer] The feet, the future
by
Yesterday’s travel was interesting. First time I’d been on a plane since visiting calendula_witch in California last December, prior to starting chemo. The air in the aircraft cabin is so cold that my hands were in pain. Otherwise I handled the trip pretty well, though I did get asked several times why I was wearing a hat and gloves in July.
Went for a walk here in Omaha this morning. Managed 40 minutes, or about 2 miles at my current reduced pace. Saw a rabbit and some fireflies, heard the nighthawks peeping, and several other birds I could not identify. By the time I got back to my hotel room, my feet were practically on fire with tingling. The magic of peripheral neuropathy.
I do not expect to be especially productive in writing the next few days. Simply too much going on here, with all-day meetings at Day Jobbe and after-hours events these next three days. I plan to get at least an hour a day in, but we’ll see. Back on the horse this coming Friday. Endurance is on target, as are the bits and pieces of other projects I still have to deal with.
Spent some time talking with my friend the night clerk here this morning. As I said to him (and have said to others recently), I don’t really mind the apparent resurgence of cancer. I think I’ve come to identify myself as a person-with-cancer, and this will be who I am from now on, even in periods of medical quietude. I’m not too torqued about the probability of more surgery. Surgery is a single event from which one recovers, and this will likely be a less disruptive surgery than the last two. But to lose another six or eight months of my life to chemo… Ah, me. Such a hideous and terrible proposition.
I’m doing a pretty good job of staying positive, but sometimes it just rolls over me.
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No shit. Russy’s cancer has become something we are used to and not used to all at once, like a long fucking nightmare. Some days I don’t know how you keep going so long and basically fighting it all the way – you rock for it.
Have a good day.
Hugs!
Maybe the next retreat you attend as a guru should take place on the Baja Peninsula or something, so you can run around naked like the rest of us did.
Still sending you good thoughts.
Of all the things I miss about living on the east coast – and there are very few – at the top of the list are fireflies.
Enjoy them while you can.