63 thoughts on “[funny] Tell me a joke

  1. Nancy says:

    What do you call a man with no arms or legs hanging on the wall?
    Art.
    What do you call a woman with one leg?
    Eileen.
    What do you call a man with no arms or legs in a pile of leaves?
    Russell.
    What do you say to a one-legged hitch hiker?
    Hop in.
    (courtesy of Chris)
    Feel better,
    XOXO
    Nancy

  2. Cathy says:

    Q: Why did the sweater cross the road?
    A: Because it was stapled to the chicken.

  3. NWerner says:

    Mickey and Minnie Mouse are in divorce court. The judge is glaring at Mickey, shaking his head with what can only be described as disgust. “Mr. Mouse,” he begins, “while I appreciate the strain it must place upon you, your contention that your wife is crazy is not sufficient grounds for me to grant you your request for a divorce.”

    Mickey jumps up, enraged. “I never said she was crazy! I said she was fucking Goofy!”

  4. C Deboer says:

    So a man and his wife are having a discussion about how there is nothing that she can say to him that would make him both Happy and Sad at the same time. This is what she tells him….Honey you have the largest penis of all your friends.

  5. Jim Crider says:

    Another duck joke:

    Duck walks into the Walgreens, picks up a ChapStick, and goes up to the cashier counter. The cashier asks, “Will that be cash or charge?” The duck replies, “Oh, just put it on my bill.”

    Q: Who’s green and wears a lab coat?

    A: Mucus Welby, MD

    Q: Who’s green and ice skates?

    A: Peggy Phlegm

    Don’t forget to tip your servers. I’ll be here all week.

  6. Jim Crider says:

    Also, if you haven’t seen this yet, you really should. Because Nimoy dropping an F-bomb *and* singing “The Ballad of Bilbo Baggins”:

    http://jalopnik.com/leonard-nimoy-smack-talks-zachary-quinto-sings-hobbit-493732454

    While we’re at Jalopnik: Google Street View has captured the elusive Two-Legged Half-Cat:

    http://jalopnik.com/google-street-view-captures-elusive-two-legged-half-cat-493832763

  7. jLannan says:

    Jokes about Dorian Gray never get old.

    Also, here’s a German Ice Diving video: http://youtu.be/HbTVSx9lAOw

  8. So this guy walks into a bar. And then he tried the door.

  9. Cornbag says:

    I am reminded of the blind prostitute. You really have to hand it to her…

    (Sorry. Late.)

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