[personal|cancer] Friends and aftermaths

Yesterday, [info]scarlettina came over to visit Lisa Costello and me and [info]the_child. She made her mother’s brisket recipe, then [info]davidlevine and [info]kateyule joined us for the consumption thereof.

It was fun to see them, and fun to hang out, but the aftermath was tough.

As dinner was winding up, I came down with a very bad chill. No shakes, no fever, nothing else along the lines of the opening salvo of a cold or flu. Just a bone-deep chill, and incredible fatigue. I wound up having to go off to bed and lie down under the blankets, the electric one cranked up all the way to high. After about an hour or an hour and a half, as I was finally falling miserably asleep, the chill abated somewhat.

This is the third or fourth time I’ve had one of these “cold flashes” in the past month. I’m suspecting ever more strongly this is a precursor of my body’s functional breakdown in the end stages of my terminal cancer. They come on when I am tired, underfed, or otherwise stressed, but they are neither predictable nor obvious. At least not yet.

It scares me, and it wears me out hard.

4 thoughts on “[personal|cancer] Friends and aftermaths

  1. Mark Watson says:

    My son had a nasty liver abscess a couple of years back, ending up 2 weeks in hospital. Severe chills, and hot sweats, were features of the illness.

  2. Eve Rose says:

    Hi. I just started following your blog and already I feel a connection. I do feel you are really burning the candle at both ends doing so, so much without much help. I may be totally wrong as I am new and only know you virtually but my gut tells me you need to reach out to your friends and family, not just socially or for moral support but with detailed to do lists for anything you don’t have to do yourself (i.e. the MRI). Maybe you already do this but you seem to be doing a hell of lot yourself. I sense there are many people in your life who love you and would be willing to do a bit more. I hope this was not out of line. I know i found it hard to ask for what i really needed during my treatment. Another thing i try to ask myself is, do i really need to do this? You need to triage your time and energy so you can rest.

  3. Marianne says:

    That must be frightening. I hope the chill is not your frequent companion as you feel it might become. Figuratively I hope the warmth of the collective love and affection from your friends and family can help keep the chill in your mind at bay.

  4. Ed says:

    The CBC is running a blog series written by a doctor with cancer. Latest entry is about chemo.


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