Just had another slo-mo meltdown with the gracious Lisa. I am having a very hard time.
Part of the problem right now is we can’t tell which direction I’m going in. Most of my current health issues (other than the food, which is both dominant and a special case of conditioning and attempts at deconditioning) could point to either me slipping further into my terminal decline, or to me responding to the recent experimental immunotherapy protocol. Or both. And we won’t know for sure until mid-May, though it’s possible negative evidence will emerge in my consultations on 4/14 and 4/15.
So, yeah. Am I living or dying? What does all this exhaustion mean? How tired can one human being be?
Hence the lack of blogging and email. Fragile hope is under great duress, and my energy levels are similar to late chemo after six months of treatment. And we just don’t know…