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[contests|polls] Kalimpura Caption Contest Voting Poll

This is the caption contest voting poll, to celebrate the availability of the Kalimpura ARCs. Usual rules apply. Prize after the voting poll will be an inscribed copy of the Green and Endurance trade paperbacks and the Kalimpura ARC. Additional prizes may be awarded at the judge’s discretion.

Which caption best fits this photo?

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[cancer|polls] Various updates, plus help Jay name his three tumors

Tough day yesterday. I had a long talk with my parents about mortality, disease progression and my specific fears mostly around finances and lifestyle for [info]the_child. They were quite supportive.

Also had a number of difficult interactions with [info]the_child, who continues very stressed in all the obvious and expected ways. She’s a great kid and a magnificent human being, and she is carrying such a load right now, generally with a lot more grace than I could have managed at her age. I am so grateful to all the friends and family who are supporting her.

On the fun and funny side, my parents got together with a number of my friends and family to buy me a new recliner. This came about because we discovered last week that my old recliner had broken springs which could not easily be repaired. At the time, I commented that if I had the money, I’d buy a well-built La-Z-Boy or some such. Quite literally under my nose they organized this group campaign to supply me with a good quality substitute. We went to the showroom late yesterday afternoon and bought a powered recliner with lift assist — as I said at the time, the chair will drive healthy me a little nuts, but it will be a huge benefit to sick me. And to be blunt, sick me in the ascendancy now.

In other news, I’ve decided to name my three tumors. They have become very important citizens of my body, and achieved an outsized significance in my life. So I need a way to talk about those three little bastards.

I have been collecting suggestions in comments [ | LiveJournal ]. Now I’ve made a poll with a list filtered from the suggestions, based solely on the criterion of what I liked or found amusing. Help me decide! Drop in on the poll and click a favorite.

Do good, be well, and hug someone you love.

[polls] What should Jay name his tumors?

What should Jay name his three tumors?

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[food|polls] The one true Girl Scout Cookie

What is the one true Girl Scout Cookie?

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[polls|food] The One True Pop-Tart poll results

Last night at 9:23 pm Pacific, I declared the One True Pop-Tart poll to be over. I left the poll open in case anyone else wants to drop by, but here is the winning screen shot:


Frosted Brown Sugar and Cinnamon wins by a nosehair over Frosted Strawberry, 97 votes to 93, with a total of 254 votes cast.

I do believe this was my post popular poll ever. Jersey Girl in Portland and I will have to review the comments to identify our favorites, and determine an appropriate prize. My thanks to everyone who participated.

As for the original issue? I am pleased to say that my pick prevailed, as I am a Frosted Brown Sugar and Cinnamon aficionado. Jersey Girl in Portland favors that strawberry crap. Though in all fairness, it was pretty much a dead heat throughout the life of the poll.

Clearly we are a nation divided.

[polls] The Sky That Wraps caption contest voting poll

The Sky That Wraps by Jay Lake

Time for another caption contest voting poll, to celebrate the release of my new collction from Subterranean Press, The Sky That Wraps. I declared a caption contest on the following photo:


Jay laughing, Martinborough, NZ. © 2010, Shannon Page.

Creative Commons License

This work by Shannon Page is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 3.0 United States License.

The usual comment madness ensued: [ | LiveJournal ]

I have now embedded the comments into a voting poll. Unfortunately, some of the longer witticisms are truncated by the poll code. Usual rules apply. Prize after the voting poll will be an inscribed copy of The Sky That Wraps. Additional prizes may be awarded at the judge’s discretion.

Which caption best suits this photo of Jay laughing?

  • Alex J. Kane - If you're going to do that, sir, the law prefers that you do so in the center of the city street with one hand on the arse of your horse, for the sake of balance. (17%, 8 Votes)
  • markbourne - "Jay rolled his eyes, an action he usually avoided because putting them back in again tickled like the dickens." (13%, 6 Votes)
  • Gerry Huntman - Jay Lake, wearing on his shirt the extremely rare, but fragrant, Euphoric Daffodil, the only plant known to exude, even after picking, nitris oxide. (6%, 3 Votes)
  • H - "No really the view of the sheep is out of this world! Here, lemme lend you my eye." (6%, 3 Votes)
  • goulo - Because his cap is ribbed for extra pleasure. (6%, 3 Votes)
  • delkytlar - Jay's spirits get a lift when he learns that everyone at WorldCon actually thought his new hairstyle was a hat. (6%, 3 Votes)
  • elizaeffect - Wonka's new tomato-flavored chewing gum sounded disgusting at first, but was a surprise hit at the Lake compound - until the transformation began... (6%, 3 Votes)
  • ubiquitous_a - Wow, that squirting flower gag just never gets old! (4%, 2 Votes)
  • Don - SCHOLES…. Ken… Please put pants on! Man, I did not need to see THAT this early in the morning. (4%, 2 Votes)
  • Steve Buchheit - Jay Lake reads the Pledge for America. "Funniest piece of comedic fantasy this year," says Jay. (4%, 2 Votes)
  • catjuggling - "I sense a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of voices cried out in terror, when I farted." (4%, 2 Votes)
  • cjmarsicano - I don't need the silly turban and the sealed envelopes to do Johnny Carson's "Carnac The Magnificent" routine. (4%, 2 Votes)
  • deza - "You think a published author makes how much?" (4%, 2 Votes)
  • etcet - "Your attempt at enacting a remake of Scanners' definitive scene tickles. OH MY GOD, THERE IS A SPARKLEPONY DANCING IN MY SINUSES." (4%, 2 Votes)
  • Andrew Nicolle - Whereupon we witness, first hand, the after effects of Jay's little-known New Zealand clown allergy. (2%, 1 Votes)
  • Deven - Jay: "'Damn pleasure ta see ya, mate?'" Giggles. "Sorry for the TMI, I thought you said, 'Did'ya please yer mate?'" (2%, 1 Votes)
  • kimberlywade - "It's not cancer!" (2%, 1 Votes)
  • garyomaha - "Oopsie. Here I stand, all in a fit..." (2%, 1 Votes)
  • dsmoen - No, I'm sorry, you cannot do that with me AND the COLOSSAL SQUID! (2%, 1 Votes)
  • e_bourne - Could someone please ask the Klingon to put his pants back on? (0%, 0 Votes)
  • elizaeffect - You are thinking of...PFFFT! Seriously? AHAHAHAHAHA! You are thinking of a...*sporfle* HAHAHAHA! I can't even say it, I'm la...laughing too hard! (0%, 0 Votes)
  • dr_phil_physics - "I traveled halfway around the world to New Zealand and you call THAT a joke?" (0%, 0 Votes)
  • dbroussa - The CLAW!!!! Oh No, not the CLAAAWWWW!!!! (0%, 0 Votes)
  • daibheid - No, seriously...what the heck just squirted out of my eye! (0%, 0 Votes)
  • horace_hamster - Nobody can tell a better joke than a daffodil lapel pin. (0%, 0 Votes)
  • jennifer_brozek - "Wait! Wait! This always works at home. I will split the bottle with my mind." (0%, 0 Votes)
  • cuddlycthulhu - The kangaroo put what where? (0%, 0 Votes)
  • little_foxy - You were just given your first pair of velcro gloves! And then had to have it explained to you why you need them! (0%, 0 Votes)
  • John Gibbons - Ha! When you asked "How were things Down Under?", I thought you meant... (0%, 0 Votes)
  • skidspoppe - And now, using only the power of my mind, I will cause my facial hair to grow... (0%, 0 Votes)
  • Carmelo Rafala - Oh shit. Really…in my pants… (0%, 0 Votes)
  • voidampersand - The Colossal Squid! (0%, 0 Votes)

Total Voters: 48

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[polls] Steampunk caption contest voting poll

The Baby Killers by Jay Lake

Time for another caption contest voting poll, to celebrate the release of my steampunk minim opus, The Baby Killers. I declared a caption contest on the following photo:


Pipe, Lime, OR. © 2002, 2010, Joseph E. Lake, Jr.

The usual comment madness ensued: [ | LiveJournal ]

I have now converted it to a voting poll. Unfortunately, some of the longer witticisms are truncated by the poll code, so take the time to pop over to those links and look them over before you vote! Usual rules apply. Prize after the voting poll will be an inscribed copy of The Baby Killers. Additional prizes may be awarded at the judge’s discretion.

Steampunk caption contest.

  • madrobins: "I admit to its utility," said Miss Penderghast. "But the steam-powered corset-laundry will not catch on until it can be rendered small enough for the ordinary household." (15%, 12 Votes)
  • shelly_rae: Fortunately the colonoscopy scope has improved in the modern era and no longer requires a team of horses. It just feels that way. (11%, 9 Votes)
  • cjmarsicano: The Lime Observatory apologizes for the embarrassment caused by an intern pointing our telescope at the nudist beach in the next county. (10%, 8 Votes)
  • TVining: Well, ya'gotta reinforce the collar fittings, and she'll need a new coat of paint, but I think she'll fire again. (9%, 7 Votes)
  • burger_eater: Steampunk: Brass, goggles and phallic symbols. (8%, 6 Votes)
  • Maurine Starkey: The opening of the new steam power station has been delayed until crews could finish with the faux aged and distressed decor. "Dystopian aesthetic is the standard in today's society (6%, 5 Votes)
  • frozenrhino: D00d, this thing is gonna be the best waterballoon cannon EVER! (4%, 3 Votes)
  • jaborwhalky: In aether, no one can hear you scream (4%, 3 Votes)
  • lagbolt: His right ankle needed oiling, and the paint was peeling on his foot. (4%, 3 Votes)
  • robling_t: Upon reflection, Shelley decided that "Look on my cock, ye mighty, and despair" was a bit on-the-nose and did some rewriting... (4%, 3 Votes)
  • dionysus1999: Smokestack Lightning: because a 50 foot metal man's smoke has to be proportional to his other brass assets. (3%, 2 Votes)
  • goulo: Weeks after our gallant troops suppressed the local insurrection, the spice duct still showed vestiges of the vain spear attack on that fateful day of Prince Higgenbotham's coronation. (3%, 2 Votes)
  • jenntheamazon: Well, time to paint the aquaducts again *sigh* (3%, 2 Votes)
  • L Cohen: Magnetic Alignment Collars (MACs) on the TransContinental Accelerator (1909). Colloquially known as Mrs. Planck's Garter Belts. (3%, 2 Votes)
  • Randy Henderson: She think you mighty man when your pipe look like to this. Buy Doctor Miracle's magical unction and put you the steam back in your punk!!! (3%, 2 Votes)
  • RJ: It is said that the number of rivets required for the main penstock feed to the great binary reckoner was the last, great calculation made by the brute force of men's brains. (3%, 2 Votes)
  • tanuki_green: Prepare to fire the Steam Cannon, Mr. Biggles! (3%, 2 Votes)
  • martianmooncrab: Blowback from the mighty Air Rail Gun was highly corrosive, and if the Gun Crew didnt follow proceedures, casualties would rise. (1%, 1 Votes)
  • pmrabble: Jay's idea pipeline is getting a tad overworked. (1%, 1 Votes)
  • Randy Henderson: Behold, man's final monument to the dawn of his own destruction the remains of the BP oil pipeline. Alas, it outlasted its creators. (1%, 1 Votes)
  • will_couvillier: Steam Blaster - not just for paint removal any longer! (1%, 1 Votes)
  • will_couvillier: Use GlowMite - The finest in radiation reflective paint! (1%, 1 Votes)
  • will_couvillier: Whoa! Who snapped the crank handle off? (1%, 1 Votes)
  • Deven Atkinson: Pictured are the frozen roller bearings of the Niagara Falls Power Company's primary penstock. Lack of rotation these past two weeks has caused the pipe to begin filling with sediment (0%, 0 Votes)
  • Ellen Eades: The Kiln Veterans. (0%, 0 Votes)
  • erikthenude: Well, the utility company said that if we bought 3 household appliances that they would hook our home up with gas for free. (0%, 0 Votes)
  • paulcarp: For dessert, I'll try the key Lime pipe. (0%, 0 Votes)
  • Randy Henderson: You put the lime in the Majestic Mechanical Material Mixating Marvel, and mix it all up. Add coconut to taste. (0%, 0 Votes)
  • Ruthanne Reid: NOW let's see that dog get in here! (0%, 0 Votes)
  • selfavowedgeek: I stormed Aqaba, and all I got was this stupid t-shirt. (0%, 0 Votes)

Total Voters: 79

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[polls] Caption contest voting poll, Nachoectomy edition

Time for another caption contest voting poll in celebration of my New Adventures in Cancer.

My sister took this photo of me and in the hospital, shortly after my nacho-ectomy.

Nov 26 2009

© 2009 M. Lake, all rights reserved. Used with permission.

felt that this was a natural for a caption contest. The usual comment madness ensued: [ | LiveJournal ]

I have now converted it to a voting poll. Unfortunately, some of the longer witticisms at my expense are truncated by the poll code, so take the time to pop over to those links and look them over before you vote! Usual rules apply. Prize after the voting poll will be an inscribed ARC of Pinion, plus a bonus book. Plus will also get a special prize for his role in inciting this idiocy.

Which caption best suits this photo?

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[travel|polls] How far have you travelled from your birthplace?

I’ve put up a new poll here.

When I was about nine, we were in the Washington, DC area on home leave. Mom and Dad took me to see the pediatrician, who shared a clinic with other doctors. Me, the kid who’d been born in Taiwan, and already lived there, Canada, Dahomey, Texas and DC, got to talking to an adult who told me he’d never in his life been more than forty miles from where he was born, right there in Northern Virginia.

That struck me as very bizarre. I had trouble imagining a life so limited, in fact. I’ve long since realized that my reaction did the gentleman a profound disservice — travel was my norm, and therefore my bias — but still, how strange.

In this spirit, I present a poll on how far you’ve gone from where you were born. Note multiple answers can be selected … I’m curious what the curve will look like. Feel free to comment on your childhood or adult travels and relocations, as well.